Category: Advice

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New Guy

I’m new

Ok, that’s fine. Just send over your references…

No, like really new.

Oh, right. OK, well fill out my screening form on my contact page and…

No, I mean I’m really, really new to this.

…Ooooooh. Wow. Ok take a seat.

If you’re not only new to seeing professionals but you’re new to this whole girls thing in general, there are some things for you to know.

First: Relax. I know that’s not very helpful, but I promise you’ll have a better time if you give yourself time to breath, read everything available to you, follow the click trails, and let yourself sleep on it. When you’re going to your first appointment, arrive a little early so you can take a few breaths. Book 90 minutes so you’re not rushed and have time to ask questions.

Second: we all have different ways of doing things so whatever I say here is overridden by anything your provider says on their website or in their ads.

If you’re looking to lose your virginity with a professional, know that it’s going to be different than with a girlfriend. It’s not guaranteed to be good, or even great, and it certainly won’t be unprotected. There are limitations within this world and navigating the emotional aftermath of sex isn’t always simple.

Ideally, you’ll have found someone nice who is willing to take her time and help you get what you want. You’ll have gotten over that first experience, realized that sex is both under-appreciated and overrated by turns, learned a little about how two bodies work together, and can either return to your provider to learn more or move out into the world with a little confidence under your belt.

There are two ways your first time could go wrong. If your provider isn’t who you thought they’d be or isn’t willing to hug or kiss or cuddle or give you any feedback, you may end up with an isolated, uncomfortable, unsatisfying experience and no context to frame it in. It could make you feel worse, not better. The other way it can go wrong is if your provider is awesome and the lines between emotional connection and sexual satisfaction start to blur.

Both of these problems can often be resolved by finding another, equally awesome provider to either help you experience good sex or to take your focus off the first one.

So how do you even find one of these nice girls? The one who will help you experience pleasure and sex without short changing you or disappointing you? If you’re in Seattle, come find me, Sofina, or Alice. If you’re anywhere else and you can’t afford to fly me to you, look for providers you have something in common with. Many of us have websites with about me pages where we talk about what books we like, what shows we watch, what our hobbies and interests are, and whatever little tidbits we can think of and are willing to share. It’s increasingly common to see providers on twitter, being cute and showing personalities.

Let go of any preconceived ideas of what you want. I’m sure you’d love to hook up with that statuesque blonde but what if the tiny brunette in the corner is going to adore you the way you’ve always wanted? You can see the blonde later. Right now you’re searching for a vibe, not a look.

There aren’t any hard and fast keywords to search for, either. Plenty of folks who advertise as ‘unrushed’ kick you out the moment you’ve come. There’s a list of acronyms to pick and choose from but not everyone agrees on every thing so even that’s not foolproof. If you want this to feel beautiful and special, doing your homework helps.

Doing your homework looks like reading a bunch. Follow any links your provider has on their website and investigate a little. At http://divinadaemon.com/1209-2/ I wrote up a list of advertising sites for the Seattle area specifically but several of them are national or global so they’re a good place to start.

Never sign up for anything related to this industry with an email address you use for work or that has your name in it. You may be asked to screen using your name, that’s fine, but don’t just leave it sitting around for any subpoena to catch. Have your provider delete your information after they’ve seen you and/or use encrypted methods to communicate it. A lot of folks are using proton mail these days.

So you’ve looked around, followed her on twitter, seen some cute pictures, and think you’re ready to take the plunge. Now what? I have forms on my website that walk you through whichever screening method you’re comfortable with. I’ve upgraded them so they’re encrypted and all my email addresses are as well. It should be simple to click through the steps and initiate screening. Once my assistant has done a light online screening (checking blacklists, quick google searches, verifying employment, etc) she will email you with the go-ahead for scheduling.

I have another form for that, also simple and straightforward, that asks for exactly the information I need to reserve time for us.

I usually suggest bodywork for our first meeting. First of all, it’s less expensive so if you end up changing your mind you’re not out to the same degree you might have been. Second, if you’ve never kissed, touched, fondled, or made love, this will all be a little overwhelming. It’s likely you’ll be nervous and you can only do so much in 90 minutes. With the tablework, some of your time is face down. By limiting your visual input, it’s easier to enjoy the other senses. And finally, it’s low pressure on you. Those jangling nerves can have weird effects; some people can’t maintain erections, others only have them a few moments before they’re done and gone. If we’re focused entirely on you, there’s no pressure or disappointment. As an added bonus, I’m a very good masseuse so if all else goes to shit at lest you’ll get a nice massage out of it, haha!

If you opt to go big or go home, that’s fine, too, it just means we won’t quite know each other that well yet and we might be a little awkward at first 😉

When you’re getting ready for your first full service appointment, shower thoroughly before you show up. That means you’ll have to touch your butthole with your soapy hand and if you have a foreskin it might mean pulling it back to expose your head to rinse it. I don’t recommend applying soap to skin that would normally be covered by a foreskin but rinse it thoroughly. I do the same with everything covered by my outer labia: rinse well but do not apply soap. Soap does, however, go on the butt, the outer labia, and for you, the balls and perineum (the bit between balls and butt). Not everyone manages this. There’s nothing quite like stinky junk to prevent that amazing blowjob from happening.

File your nails and trim your cuticles. Don’t cut your nails, file them. Check your mouth, hands, and genitals for any cuts, scrapes, sores, or wounds. Yes, that means that bleeding hangnail and the dry skin cracks if they get too deep. If you have any, cover them. This might mean using gloves or a dental dam when pleasuring her or it might mean applying a liquid or fabric bandaid.

If you’re going to manscape, trim, don’t shave, and certainly don’t shave right before as you’ll have micro wounds from the razor. Also, no one likes prickly stubble grinding up on their sensitive bits so it’s best to either wax or trim, not shave.

Same with brushing and flossing: Floss the night before, brush the morning of, mouthwash upon arrival. Bristles cause micro wounds that can increase the risks of passing on bugs.

Ah, the envelope. So many people worry about the envelope. I’m not terribly picky about what you put my fee in, as long as it’s correct and present. I prefer you put it down somewhere obvious: a countertop or some such, and usually I ignore it until we’re done. With new clients sometimes I will make a point of checking to make sure we’re all on the same page, but it’s rarely a problem. The standard method is a plain, unmarked white envelope, unsealed so it’s easy to open and also reusable. Alternative methods are inside a thank you card or inside a gift bag with a gift. I’m always chuffed to get a new book that has a few extra leaves in it. When in doubt, leave it out, in plain sight, and don’t mention it. The rate should be very clear beforehand, either agreed upon over email or clearly listed on her website.

How to ask about rates? That’s a tricky one because everyone feels differently. What if the thing you want is included in the lower rate and you didn’t know that or they only have one rate and you’re not sure you’ll get to do the thing you want to do within that rate? This is one of the most relevant reasons for you, clients, to be fighting for decriminalization. By telling you what you will or won’t do, your provider is incriminating you both. It’s the number one method, and the only method useful in court, for busting providers and clients. It’s frustrating as hell and it’s why nearly no one will actually tell you whether they’ll kiss you or not. It’s how shady folks hide and how honest and open folks get arrested. The short answer is: you don’t get to ask about her rates and services because if you do, and she tells you, and you’re a vice officer, she’s screwed, and not in the fun way. You should, unfortunately, be suspicious of anyone who offers you a menu or rate structure that outlines services. Don’t ask, don’t tell, and I hope it gets repealed, ha!

However, once both of you have met once or twice, you are now allowed to make inquiries. Some ladies are ok with simple question and answer. I find it most helpful when I hear “I’ve always wondered about XYZ. Have you done it before? How was it?” Now I know that it’s on your radar. If I’m down, we go for it. If I’m not but I know someone who is, I’ll suggest you go see her (and if I know her well enough I can even give her a heads up). Until then, you just have to go with the flow.

Generally, with 90 minutes, I try to spend a lot of time kissing and hugging, undressing each other, letting you look at me… that’s a big one. It’s rare that guys get the chance to really just stare at a woman, much less a real life naked one, without shame. All these firsts just keep rocking through you, not giving you much chance to reflect and process. I try to give us time for that. I’ll give you pointers and feedback and do my best to read your face for signs of ecstasy or fear or anything in between. If I don’t feel that you’re ready, I won’t push you into it.

What now? Sex is pretty great, isn’t it? I know there are limitations in emotional connection and in sensitivity, but it’s still great and now it’s not some mysterious unknown. If you decide that’s all you needed, I hope it helps and I hope your future lovers appreciate how careful you were with yourself and your sexuality. If you decide to come back enough times to learn how to read a sexual situation, how to establish boundaries with new partners, and how to listen to your partner’s body, then I hope I’m up to the task. If you decide this is it, you’re just gonna stick with ladies of the evening for the foreseeable future, I’m happy to welcome you into my world and help you establish a pleasurable and robust community experience.

For the bullet-pointed among us: here’s the quick and dirty how-to.

New client step-by step instructions:

1: Read my FAQ page in full www.amiepetite.com/FAQ

2: Fill out my screening form. Feel free to follow up if you have questions AFTER you’ve filled it out. https://form.jotform.com/71645582884166

3: After getting the go-ahead from Rose, check my calendar against yours and find a time we’re both available. www.amiepetite.com/calendar-and-rates

4: Fill out my appointment request form. https://form.jotform.com/71647421484156

5: Once we’ve confirmed an appointment, read the detailed instructions you’ll get from Rose.

6: Arrive a few minutes early, let me know you’re nearby, and follow the directions I send you.

7: Make sure you’ve counted out the correct fee ahead of time – Leave it on my counter when you arrive. I’ll ignore it until we’re done.

8: Enjoy yourself. Make your desires known and we will find a happy middle ground.

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Slow Days

“I can only be so busy before I go bonkers. I can’t fake enthusiasm; I’m a shit improvisational actor and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some incredible pros can greet their fourth client with a big smile but I’d have trouble mustering it for the second in a day without being in a particular mood. I love this whole industry, I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I’m with clients. I don’t ever want to lose that. In order to never lose it, I have to keep my schedule low.”

I wrote this on a nice hobby board the other day, in the context of a thread about rate setting. I find it irritatingly ironic that while writing about how important it is to keep my schedule reasonably clear, my schedule was, in face, waaaaay too clear.

It turns out, and I didn’t know this until just recently, that I go just as bonkers if I’m not busy enough.

A normal week for me is one massage and one bed session per day. Everyone is different so I get to let myself go with people I know well, stay clear and present for individuals struggling with their sensuality, I get to absolutely give and absolutely receive, often in the same week, sometimes in the same day. It’s magical.

When I have a light week, I take it as a pleasant surprise and use the time to recharge, work on a side project, wander around outside, etc. When I have a slightly busier week, I revel in it, soaking it up and looking forward to the inevitable ebb. I can keep my weeks from getting too busy by declining to meet potential suitors and I can even them out when we all plan ahead, but there’s only so much I can do to keep my weeks busy enough.

I send my newsletter and try to make it simple and efficient to schedule with me, I have an assistant to help with prompt and thorough replies, and I try to advertise in enough places that delightful boys know and remember who I am. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been very effective lately!

Over the course of twelve empty days, I rearranged my furniture, re-re-redesigned my website, tried and failed at sexy film clip making, renewed my advertising on all relevant websites, figured out how to move bitcoin from here to there, and tried to convert some foreign currency to US. I created an intuitive autoresponder to manage texts (situational), helped a friend get some of her business goals off the ground, planned and canceled a weekend trip, and started taking pilates. I read four books, wrote a dozen pages, baked, filled, and ate a batch of mini cream puffs, drank an entire bottle of champagne in the middle of the day and then sobered up again, and knitted another hat. I’ve not been so bored for a very long time. And I didn’t even finish the hat.

I have a strong suspicion that it was due to Rose’s absence. She went on an incredible tropical trip and left me to manage my inbox for the longest stretch since we started working together. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but in this case it made the heart remember what a great debt it owes. Untethering myself from my phone and my computer was one of the best things I could have done for my mental and emotional health and it was never so clear as when I had to tie myself back down for two weeks.

Fortunately the weeks are over. Spring seems to be bringing a new vigor and with my incredibly efficient and patient and prompt assistant back, I can seize it the way I did before! Just writing that makes me sigh with relief.

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Come Along

How to make Amie O: a simple guide.

Step one: Don’t. You can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do and trying to force an orgasm out of me is just going to annoy me. Let’s try another tack.

How to help Amie O: a less simple guide

Step one: don’t worry about it. Let me revel in your touch and let orgasms come naturally. Or not. I am much more likely to enjoy my time with you if I am invited to revel in pleasure rather than demanded to perform.

Step two: slow down. No seriously, let me relax and tune into you. Spend time on my neck and arms and the small of my back, tease around the edges and don’t skip the nips and go straight to hammering my clit.

Step three: don’t hammer my clit. Ever. Don’t suck on my labia like you saw someone do once in porn, don’t lift the hood and drive your tongue or fingers straight onto that pretty little button or it will very quickly melt down and end all our fun. Some ladies have the cast iron clit that demands a hitachi on high but mine is a sleeping kitten, an unfolding flower, delicate layers of thin, fine pastry that beg for gentle tonguing and light, slick, buttery touch.

Step four: use your lips. Tongue is great for teases and for when business really gets rolling but never underestimate the pleasure power of soft, dry, whispery lips across my everywhere. Use them instead of teeth to nibble my earlobe, let them drift baby smooth under the curve of my breast, tickly whiskers and all. And don’t underestimate the tip of the nose as a tongue substitute on dry skin.

Step five: use your ears. If I say more, less, harder, lighter, faster, slower, freaking do it! I don’t fake my orgasms, I am reasonably well in touch with my body and if I am still possessed of the power of speech, there’s more to be done. I’ll try to make it easy for you but if you ignore my requests because you think you know better, you will lose pussy privileges.

Step six: use your eyes. The visible rhythm of my heart in my chest, the breath caught in my belly, where my hands go, the gyrations or lack thereof in my hips, all give valuable information. By the time you have to read my body language, I’m on my way to an orgasm and you’ve probably paid attention, listened, and taken me gently and carefully to the point where you don’t have to be quite so gentle and careful anymore. If I get really quiet, don’t stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing.

Step seven: Enjoy yourself. I love orgasms, no matter who is having them, but they’re a secondary goal. My primary goal for each encounter is that we both enjoy ourselves. Whether that means a few rounds of strip poker or 45 minutes of vigorous fucking until we both collapse sweaty and cum covered in a fit of giggles or you receive a beautiful and joyous massage, it’s all good. I enjoy myself in many ways depending on my mood and you can trust me to let you know if I’m not.

Step eight: trust me. I know my body and myself and you can trust me to let you know what I want. I don’t fake my pleasure for anyone anymore. I won’t lie about orgasms or enjoyment or anything. If I tell you I’m not excited about coming or I’d prefer you to use me for your pleasure today, I hope you’ll trust that I mean it. I know how to be a selfish lover when it’s necessary and I know how to be generous and enthusiastic. I know how to respect the desires of my partner and I hope I can trust you to do the same.

Post Script: I am interested in coming inasmuch as you are interested in me coming. The above is for folks who get off on me getting off and is in no way intended to dissuade a good old fashioned selfish fuck. I really and truly don’t mind a nice client who shows up, soaks in my attention and energy, and leaves refreshed. It gives me a deep sense of satisfaction to recharge someone’s batteries like that, to give them a place where they can, for once, honest to god just enjoy themselves without worrying about whether they’re doing it right. As long as you can respect my ‘no’ when it comes up, you’re as good as gold in my book. And sometimes you’re just the cool drink of water I need.

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Travel

Fly me to you!

For a minimum financial commitment plus travel expenses I will fly to your city within the continental US. Minimum commitment depends on travel time; starting at 1000.

To send a deposit covering travel expenses and half my fee, I can take a credit card over the phone, Bitcoin, or squarecash. Please put “Couples Massage Class” in the memo line when applicable.

There are benefits to being the first. If your city entices me to return of my own volition, my first caller may enjoy a great deal more flexibility than those who wait.

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Cuddles

I’ve been hearing about cuddle parties for a while now. There’s a decent amount of crossover between all the touch communities but I don’t often hop the lines. I don’t get too deep into kink or poly but I’m familiar with them and same with cuddle parties. As part of some background research I’m doing, I tried it out.

They are careful to keep confidentiality so the facilitator does remind us to talk not about what other people do or say but about our own experience and response. Telling my experience will include outlining behavior and impressions of others but I’ll be vague. I hope that’s not too frustrating.

I did have some expectations going in. Since I know a facilitator, I have heard some of the more helpful catchphrases and principles and since I read the website thoroughly, I knew what the rules were and kind of had an idea of the kinds of people I would meet. I was, as always, open to surprises.

When you first arrive, they show you around the space, in this case a private home, give you a chance to change clothes into full coverage, flexible, preferably not form fitting clothes, and let everyone kind of mingle. A few folks have been to parties before, one or two of them have been to many many parties, and about half are new or within their first few. We’re all a little awkward, even me. We chat a little and when the time comes, the facilitator goes over the rules. She goes in depth, making sure there can be no misunderstandings, and we do a few exercises.

First, we ask to kiss each other. You turn to the person next to you and ask them if you can kiss them. They reply “no.” Not “I dunno”, not “maybe”, not “no way”, not “gross”, and not “yes”, no matter how much they’d like to. One of the core concepts and the most helpful catchphrase from a cuddle party is “no is a complete sentence.” That may not sound revolutionary on the surface but there are hundreds of people across this country who can’t look someone in the eye and say, simply, “no.”

They also talk about how ‘no’ is useful information. It tells the hearer that they need to ask for or try something else or, if they hear it often enough, that they may want to try with someone else.

And they remind us that we can change our minds at any time. We may think we want to say ‘yes’ but when we get what we agreed to, find it isn’t to our liking. Or perhaps it’s good for a while, then isn’t anymore. That happens to me all the time and I try to let you lovely boys know when it happens. It means staying in touch with ourselves which isn’t always easy but it’s lovely when it happens.

My experience was useful but not one I’ll repeat. After the reading of the rules, we kind of pair off, much like the naughty parties I like to go to. Except instead of making out and banging, we snuggle. My usual role is caretaker so I made a conscious effort to ask to be taken care of. I asked for a simple shoulder rub, just nice thumbs into my rhomboids, a little muscle rolling over the upper traps, maybe some kneading down my back but nothing fancy. I should have known better.

It started ok but my partner got bored quickly and roamed around to places where their inexperienced hands weren’t delivering effective touch. They attempted a stretch but had no idea how to deliver a deep, pleasant one so it was lots of weird bouncing and my whole body got confused. I was sitting cross legged and I thought I might prefer to lay on my tummy so I interrupted and asked to change. My ‘cuddle’ partner immediately straddled my hips and got to work. It was a little more relaxing but also more uncomfortably sexual than I was prepared for. It’s difficult to tolerate mediocre massage when I know how much better it can be. When it’s slower, in rhythm with your breath, deep and rhythmic and satisfying instead of nervous and frantic. Then small talk leads to the inevitable: “I’m interested in learning tantric massage.” Sigh.

While tantra is a life discipline of existing in your body in the moment, people who don’t know anything about tantra think it’s about having better sex. Not a topic I was interested in covering then and there. Realizing that I legitimately would enjoy myself better in the teaching role, I asked to switch places, gave them a few pointers, then left to find a less sexually charged partner.

I ended up snuggling comfortably and chatting safe topics for a while, deliberately censoring myself and my stories to avoid sexual topics (not easy for me, haha). That said, I think it’s become an instinct for me to be the perfect girlfriend for the moment. When I eventually left I felt sadness, like this was a bandaid we had applied to my cuddle buddy’s emotional pain and my departure ripped it right off again.

The others, though… I noticed by watching that in general, the women were nurturing, satiating their desire for non sexual loving touch by giving, long, sumptuous, sacred strokes on the arms and chests and backs of the boys. The men were in heaven, enjoying totally safe touch, freely given with love and affection, without pressure to achieve any goal. One in particular looked like he hadn’t been so happy in months and given the long luxurious touch he was getting I don’t blame him.

I felt very much like I was working. I love, love, love what I do. I truly believe it is valuable and useful when done right. I think loving touch, freely given, is a joy and a treat and helps us return to the world better people. I absolutely understand why these women attend these events and lavish their affection on strangers. It feeds the soul and I am so glad it’s available.

I’m also glad that I get to do it in the privacy of my apartment with individuals who are free to express their sexuality as well. While the structured, nonsexual setting was perfect for many attendees, it wasn’t for me. Knowing that I passed up the chance to share time with two phenomenal beloved clients to attend this event didn’t make me happy and I won’t make that choice again.

Recommended?

For my occasional female identified/gender fluid readers: there are women only cuddle parties if that suits you better and you can always choose to cuddle only with those giving off female energy, I know I can only do that with my female-identified friends who give off a lot of male vibes but we all have different desires and attractions. It’s worth looking into if for no other reason than it is very good practice saying yes and saying no.

For my male/male-identified/whatever readers: I do encourage it as part of a broader self care routine. If you are in a life where you do not wish to leave your situation but also do not wish to live your life without loving touch freely given, this may be something beautiful to explore. It can also help those learning how to negotiate intimate boundaries. While there is no sexual activity here, it can help you get used to reading body language, asking permission, giving permission, and learning to love ‘no’.

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Duo Rev: Sofina

For all the time we’ve spent together, I only finally got to do a duo with Sofina!

LOCATION: My place on First Hill
DATE: Late November 2017
NAME: Sofina
INCALL/OUTCALL: In this time but she does out calls on request
AGENCY OR INDY: Indy
ACCURATE PICTURE: All of them
AGE: Around my age
PERSONALITY: Chill, nerdy, playful, introverted but socially adept
RACE: Another of my garden variety white girls, haha
BODY TYPE: Hourglass in every way
WEIGHT: I have no idea but at least half of it is bum and bosom
HEIGHT: An inch or two taller than me
BUST: I’d have to guess 34 DD minimum. Beautiful and soft.
WAIST: Ridiculously smaller than her bust or hips
HIPS: Wide, round, and joyous to watch
HAIR: Dark, long, straight. The Ramona Quimby
EYES: Big dark eyes
FEET: Absolutely fine
SKIN TONE: ‘Seattle Tan’ (meaning pale, soft, firm)
TRIMMING: It’s all there in its glory
TATTOOS: None
SCARS: A few, here and there
PIERCINGS: Ears
MOLES/BIRTHMARKS: Nothing I noticed
CLOTHES: Loose, straight pants and t shirt, changed into a mini skirt upon request. Also Strap-on, haha!
GLASSES: SOOOO Cute with the glasssses. she had to take them off to fit, ahem, in tight spaces.
MOANER OR A SCREAMER: Moderate, encouraging dirty talk and playful banter
ENERGY LEVEL DURING THE SESSION: High and playful
MULTI SHOTS DURING THE HOUR: I have a hunch that she, like me, is willing, depending on where you are.
ACCEPTS FRENCH: Of course, but didn’t get around to it this time
SMOKES: Nope
DRINKS: Probably would, lightly, depending.
KISSES: Error: Not enough data. Please create opportunities for more kissing ;-P (firm and close, soft, rhythmic, just the way I like it)
FRENCH: Covered for boys. She gave me a taste, as it were. Very delicate and she pays attention!
GREEK: She would happily bring her strap-on and take you there, haha, but I don’t think you’ll get to take her
RUSSIAN: Oh dude, I think Mallory Sierra and Sarah Nicole are the only other two so well equipped for it.
DO’s or DON’T’s: DO be nice, DO communicate well, DON’T be a jerk
WEB-SITE: http://www.sitekreator.com/sofina206
SCREENING PROCESS: References, not sure of other options
PHONE: She will provide at her discretion
RATES: 300/430/560 for 60/90/120 minutes, FBSM and cuddles available, return client discount available.
RECOMMEND: Absolutely. She describes herself as the girl you wish lived next door and she’s right.
COMMENTS:
Sofina’s strengths are in her super great attitude and her wide ranging experience. She has a way of putting you at ease quickly and she’s up for things you might not normally find in your average girlfriend or escort experience. Her look is very low-key, not a lot of makeup, no crazy hair, plain, loose clothes; she’s your dog walker or your babysitter… Until she gets undressed. Sofina has the classic hourglass figure with wide, lush hips, a massive, soft bosom, and a tiny waist in between. She’s totally unselfconscious and you will be, too, when you’re with her. She’s the textbook definition of ‘good, giving, game’ and is a generous lover. She also has way more muscle than I expected, haha!

I mentioned I had a lovely friend with a few unusual requests and I needed someone to help me fulfil them. She stopped by during a long adventure to play strip twister and then help me ‘make a sandwich’. She didn’t lose a single game! And still had the stamina to make good use of our fun toys. I was impressed by her creativity and good nature. After we finished our lovely manwich and got ourselves tidied up, we chatted about the inner workings of the strip club while our victim listened and learned. She and I tend to forget there are other people in the room when we talk but she was good about including him in our group chat and he and I were both pleased by her addition to our adventure.

Sofina is one of those people who is even more beautiful because of who she is. She glows with a charming light that makes you forget the world and she is a safe, kind, thoughtful person. If you’re looking for a low-pressure provider, a sweet girl who just wants to see you happy, or are thinking of some unusual activities but aren’t quite looking for a domme, she’s a good fit.

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You’re my first

I remember my first. We were young and good Christian kids so we trusted ourselves (or more accurately our shame) to keep us from going farther than just the tip. It was dark, under covers, and I’d been fighting myself for over an hour as our naked bodies did everything but. His stupid teenage cock was rubbing all over my lips and when he asked me if he should go all the way I didn’t hesitate. I couldn’t. I nodded and the next thirty seconds were pure heaven.

Even earlier than that I had learned the frustrated pleasure of a hand or cock rubbing my inseam and younger still I tried to fulfill my pussy’s yearning with my friends’ hands and labia and pillows. I was only 12 when I learned to masturbate so I’m amazed that it took four entire years after that to finally feel real penetration.

I remember my first older man.. I remember my first orgasm with a partner, I remember my first client, my first duo… I remember my first everything.

So will you. If you come to me for your first time, or even to be one of your first few, you will remember me your entire life.

What an honor. Thank you.

Because if I’m among your first, it means you chose me, you decided I was worth living in your memory for as long as your memory lasts. When our firsts just happen, we don’t always choose when and with whom. You did and I am humbled.

About me: I have a lot of experience, as you may have guessed, but you are different and interesting and unique in ways even you don’t know. I’ll want to get to know you and I’ll want to know that it’s all new for you. I’m excited to help you get comfortable and learn.

About you: You care, you’re curious, and you’re willing to take your time learning this whole girls and sex thing. Welcome.

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Special Circumstances

First off, let’s establish that I hate the term sugar daddy. I don’t like being in an imbalanced power dynamic and I’m certainly not going to call anyone daddy. I’m going to say patron for ease of use.

I’ve tried seeking arrangement and what I’ve found is a pool of men across all demographics who have one thing in common: they want to find a girl who behaves professionally, but doesn’t charge professional prices. They want her to be on time, always ready for sex, free of complications such as boyfriends or health issues or personalities. They’re looking for someone who will commit to frequent multi-hour appointments as well as communication in between while only asking for a few thousand a month. Sometimes they want to ‘mentor’ young women which might be truly helpful for some but in my case, I don’t like unsolicited advice. Other times they don’t want to offer real money, even such small amounts, so they offer gifts that might be nice to have after bills are paid but until then are simply baggage. They want their ‘baby’ to prove herself without proving themselves in return and they want to be thanked for it.

I find that kind of behavior infuriating from both sides. A successful sugar baby walks a line where she gives enough to whet the appetite but holds out for more. One provider I know did it in college with something like “I’d love to go on a date with you but my power bill is stressing me out so much I don’t think I could relax enough to enjoy it. You’re willing to pay my bill for me? Oh my goodness thank you SO much!” Once word got round that if you paid a bill for her she’d put out, she didn’t pay her own bills unless she wanted to. I just don’t have the skill to tease it out like that. Girls have to play dumb to make it with these guys and I don’t know if you’ve met me yet but playing dumb, well let’s just say it’s not my strong suit.

That said, when a client evolves into a patron, it forms one of the most fun, pleasant, mutually rewarding dynamics I’ve ever known.

I my experience, there are three general phases: client, regular, and patron

First, we jump through each others hoops. You’ve undergone screening, didn’t haggle, showed up on time, etc. I’ve showed up clean and on time, provided services as advertised, look like my pictures, etc. After meeting a few times, we’ve gotten to know each other, maybe you’ve tipped or offered gifts, maybe I’ve been more flexible for you… This is when we move towards regular status.

Generally we get along. I like smart men who like smart women. I like ribald and thoughtful conversation. When we’re together, it’s easy. We’ve seen each other either long enough, often enough, or under unusual enough circumstances that we share some inside jokes now. We’ve maybe tried something different and our sessions have morphed. If it’s been a while since I’ve seen you I notice it and wonder after you. You care and you mean it. You’re a regular client.

Most of the people I see are people who have settled into the regular phase. It’s comfortable and lovely and when I see your name on my calendar I get excited. Then there are a very few who created a special arrangement. Either explicitly or organically, you became my patron. These arrangements don’t look the same from person to person but they all are based on mutual respect and appreciation and a great deal of self awareness and clever witty banter. They also involve more commitment on both parts, so they’re not a good fit for most people which is why it happen so rarely.

When I was negotiating with these potential ‘daddies’ on SA (and can I say, some of them were just gross. Give daddy his new baby? That is not cute), in the back of my mind I had this sense of shame. What was I doing, putting up with the suspicion and constant need for attention and lack of follow through when I had this beautiful group of regulars and patrons who never asked that of me? How disrespectful to my clients was it to tolerate this crap from others when they have never asked me to? I lasted about a week before deleting my profile.

This was sparked partly by a TNA discussion on finding a girl to patronize, partly by my seven day dabbling, and partly because I’ve talked to people about arrangements like this before and really, they only work well when they evolve slowly. I can’t enter into a special agreement without equality and mutual respect and that rarely happens without spending time together first.

As always, I owe a great deal to my regular clients and my patrons. My financial security, my ability to assert myself, my strengthening sene of self, and of course a fair number of orgasms, haha. Thank you for jumping through my hoops so I could learn to trust you, for allowing me to pamper you with all I can muster because with your attitude and affection, you’ve earned it.

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Le menu du jour

I’m not sure why I don’t get this question very often but my friends often do: some variation of “what’s on the menu?”

I haven’t had a menu for a long time, partly because it wasn’t normal on the old board, partly because I was doing massage only and it’s generally understood to be pretty restrictive, and partly because I don’t want to promise the same thing to different people.

As I get back into the swing of things, I’m learning that I have a cycle of desire. I sort of knew that already; there were days when my body responded with near irresistible desire and others when even people who usually turned me on weren’t doing it for me. I’ve only in the last week started actually recording these swings because it finally became really important.

I’ve talked to a few people about this; how some days I’m just not excited for sex but other days I can’t get enough. Without fail, everyone wants to come over when I’m insatiable. This sounds great to me, too! The problem is, so often, I don’t know until I’m in the moment. It’s been a few hours since my last orgasm and I’m already craving another, daydreaming about my boys and which one I’d like to have over, but it’s too late to coordinate an actual get together. I can’t expect you to be at my beck and call when I find the inverse irritating.

So I’m keeping track, finding correlation, and I’ll be letting people know when it comes up because it dictates in a big way what I’m willing to do for the day. Now, I’m always good, giving, and game. I’m always up to bring you pleasure, you don’t have to worry, but I’m not always able to come, I’m not always able to selfishly receive, and I’m never able to just fake it till you make it. If you see ‘shark week’ on my calendar, it’s because I’m in a fucking frenzy.

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As a tangentially related note, receiving sexual touch authentically is probably one of the hardest parts about this industry. There are many ways to receive sexual touch authentically, and they don’t all look the same. For a few, it means only having sex when they’re in the mood. For some, it’s about only doing things that are if not pleasurable, at least comfortable. For others, it’s about doing whatever is necessary to provide a great experience for the client. For many, it changes from session to session and each person holds different things from their clients for themselves.

I do know there are a lot of lovely darlings out there who love to please and pleasure. You like cunnilingus and intimate massage and playing with my body to bring pleasure. There are some of my esteemed colleagues who offer a middle ground between one-way sensual touch and full service. I considered this for some time and ultimately decided not to. My beloved givers who I empathize with so deeply, yes, you may pamper me as much as you desire and I welcome your ministrations. Goddess worship, mutual masturbation, reciprocal oral, all these things are wonderful and welcome. I strongly feel that there is no less intimacy, trust, and energy required to receive your hands or tongue than to receive your cock. I do not value your touch any more or less because of which part you use and I hope you will not value my time any more or less in return.

Most of my clients want to see me enjoy myself. I appreciate that my pleasure is important, I’d much rather be with someone who cares that I’m at least comfortable. This is why this conversation is important: my desires aren’t always for sexual stimulation, just like you. I cannot promise to come every time. I cannot promise to want sexual pleasure every time. I cannot promise you any act every time (although there are a few I rarely skip). I can’t even promise you’ll get off (though I will do my darnedest) in exactly the way you want every time.

I can, however, promise to always be present with you, not distracted by my phone or my personal life. I will always be ready to help you reach your orgasm in whatever way I can. I will always let you know if something isn’t good or right so you can help me receive pleasure. I will always communicate about our needs and desires. I will always take care of myself so that I am ready to take care of you in turn. And I can promise that every once in a while, I will ask you to not worry about my pleasure and simply take yours, freely given, with joy and respect.

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Smart Hard Work

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I hadn’t realize the emotional impact of sex work for myself until recently. It took more than most, I like to think, but it finally caught up with me and now, finally, I understand on a gut level how exhausting this work must be for anyone with a shorter rope, fewer options, or lacking a solid support network in this industry.

I’ve read a fairly wide range of feminist, equality-oriented, sex work positive literature as well as the commentary and arguments against it. These issues pop up on social media regularly (my current favorite commentator is Ava St Claire from Florida) and in personal private conversations and with every comment, comic, and essay I learn a little more about other people’s experiences.

A few weeks ago, I spent the entire day, 9a-6p, working on my new website (look for a July 9 launch!) and took myself to dinner after. I thought I’d read a book and have a glass of wine to relax but I sat down and couldn’t do anything but grin hysterically and look around. It took me half a glass and almost an hour before the tension in my muscles eased and I could relax into reading.

I learned two things from this: first, that you guys are heroes. You who grind in front of a screen or manage other people or build a thriving business from scratch. You guys are doing what I did for one day, but you do it All. The. Time. Wow. No wonder an hour or two away from it all with a beautiful woman is so meaningful for you. I’m honored to be able to provide that safe, quiet, fun space for you to let your brain turn off for a bit and simply enjoy the physical sensation of being adored.

Second: I learned, finally, way behind the curve, that this work, though it sometimes feels frivolous, is meaningful without it needing to be deliberately therapeutic. Meaning the pressure I put on myself to listen with intent and touch with meaning is unnecessary; the nature of sensual and erotic bodywork is already therapeutic in and of itself. WOW! And I thought I was a fast learner, haha.

You all have been so patient and so wonderful with me through this learning curve. Over the last few weeks I have had absolutely the best experience. My clients have all been caring and passionate and appreciative as well as fun and sexy and thoughtful. I’ve been busy enough but not too busy. I’ve been playing hard and working hard and reinforcing relationships left and right! I feel well supported and absolutely pleased to pleasure you.

Hot damn life is good.

So what does this mean for you? You’ll see when the new website launches but it means primarily that you can count on me to be there for you during our time together, fully and completely and enthusiastically. Thank you.