Slow Days

“I can only be so busy before I go bonkers. I can’t fake enthusiasm; I’m a shit improvisational actor and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some incredible pros can greet their fourth client with a big smile but I’d have trouble mustering it for the second in a day without being in a particular mood. I love this whole industry, I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I’m with clients. I don’t ever want to lose that. In order to never lose it, I have to keep my schedule low.”

I wrote this on a nice hobby board the other day, in the context of a thread about rate setting. I find it irritatingly ironic that while writing about how important it is to keep my schedule reasonably clear, my schedule was, in face, waaaaay too clear.

It turns out, and I didn’t know this until just recently, that I go just as bonkers if I’m not busy enough.

A normal week for me is one massage and one bed session per day. Everyone is different so I get to let myself go with people I know well, stay clear and present for individuals struggling with their sensuality, I get to absolutely give and absolutely receive, often in the same week, sometimes in the same day. It’s magical.

When I have a light week, I take it as a pleasant surprise and use the time to recharge, work on a side project, wander around outside, etc. When I have a slightly busier week, I revel in it, soaking it up and looking forward to the inevitable ebb. I can keep my weeks from getting too busy by declining to meet potential suitors and I can even them out when we all plan ahead, but there’s only so much I can do to keep my weeks busy enough.

I send my newsletter and try to make it simple and efficient to schedule with me, I have an assistant to help with prompt and thorough replies, and I try to advertise in enough places that delightful boys know and remember who I am. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been very effective lately!

Over the course of twelve empty days, I rearranged my furniture, re-re-redesigned my website, tried and failed at sexy film clip making, renewed my advertising on all relevant websites, figured out how to move bitcoin from here to there, and tried to convert some foreign currency to US. I created an intuitive autoresponder to manage texts (situational), helped a friend get some of her business goals off the ground, planned and canceled a weekend trip, and started taking pilates. I read four books, wrote a dozen pages, baked, filled, and ate a batch of mini cream puffs, drank an entire bottle of champagne in the middle of the day and then sobered up again, and knitted another hat. I’ve not been so bored for a very long time. And I didn’t even finish the hat.

I have a strong suspicion that it was due to Rose’s absence. She went on an incredible tropical trip and left me to manage my inbox for the longest stretch since we started working together. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but in this case it made the heart remember what a great debt it owes. Untethering myself from my phone and my computer was one of the best things I could have done for my mental and emotional health and it was never so clear as when I had to tie myself back down for two weeks.

Fortunately the weeks are over. Spring seems to be bringing a new vigor and with my incredibly efficient and patient and prompt assistant back, I can seize it the way I did before! Just writing that makes me sigh with relief.