Would You Still?

Over the last few years my professional life and my persona life have traveled separate but intersecting paths. Almost as if the pendulum is beginning to settle.

In January of 2013 I drove out to the suburbs and met a kind, sweet, solicitous young man who proceeded to converse and make love with me, then send me home with a generous wage. In February of the same year my good friend sat across two large bowls of pho and warned me of the danger I was in, speaking to my experience through his lens of the mainstream narrative of sex work. A few weeks later we fell into bed together and we have been inseparable ever since.

It hasn’t been all rose-tinted glasses and laughter. One night, after drunkenly flashing a coworker, I started a long, loud argument over trust; namely whether he trusted me. I remember holding a half-eaten hamburger in my fist, shaking it in his direction and swearing at him. Another sunlit summer afternoon he sunk his fist into the wall after I revealed my first and last infidelity (defined as such by the lack of communication prior, not the action itself). However, as we both learn to read each other’s moods and needs, our discussions are quiet; full of ‘I’ statements, reassurances of devotion, and loving touch.

My personal relationship has settled, much as my professional ones have, into a mix of routine and novelty that nurtures me. The domestic duties are largely taken care of by the time I get home and we are free to watch shows we like, go out to see friends, or stay in and watch the fire burn in the fireplace come winter. My week is filled with beloved regulars who brighten my day in a different way every time they join me in my little corner of Seattle. I leave reluctantly in the morning, longing to stay warm in bed, talking sweet nothing to waste time. I leave reluctantly in the evening, finally setting things aright for the next morning and fondly remembering the warmth of my loves. It is a quiet domesticity on both counts, even and easy, busy without being overwrought.

This post was inspired by a recent question posted by the lovely Larissa Nostrova. She’s always coming up with interesting questions but this time it was “would you still?” If you as a partner were getting sex as often as you wanted it, would you still be seeking professional companionship? Reactions are mixed. Some choose to be exclusive when dating, though serial monogamy can be seen as a type of polygamy, each partner separated only by time. Some discover that the injection of sensuality and desire supports their personal relationships, recreating that sense of passion and confidence that then reignites their personal life. Some are actively polyamorous, seeking professionals in order to have a fulfilling but no-strings-attached experience in order to recharge and relax. Some are perpetually single and so the question is moot. I thought it might be interesting to answer the question from the other side.

I have a more frequent desire for sexual activity than my partner. He has acclimated to infrequent sexual activity over the course of his life and so our current level is higher and more satisfying than he is used to. During and after my personal sexual revolution I became accustom to a much higher frequency, if not quality, than I currently experience. He and I have different baselines and my profesional activities make up the difference. I wouldn’t do what I do if I couldn’t make a living at it, but if I had a regular 9-5 that kept me too busy to play with people’s bodies and senses I’m not sure if or how much the difference in baselines would chafe. Over the last four years I’ve not gone more than a few days without being naked with someone. If that suddenly changed….. Suffice it to say I’m hoping it doesn’t change for a long time yet.

To answer Larissa’s question: if I got as much sexual/sensual activity as I wanted, neither of us would have time for a job and I’d have bigger problems than my sex life, haha! My life affords me both the diversion my brain craves and the freedom to pursue it. It’s a beautiful thing.