Silk and Roses

She is so pretty! That was my first thought. So slim and innocent, with perfect clear skin and long, thick, corkscrew hair. And her smile! How on earth is someone like this reaching out to someone like me?

Inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of. I have, a few times but less and less as time goes on, made a fuss about age and experience. He was 26 and had never gone down on a girl!?! She was 27 and had never been with a man!?! She was 31 and had never come!?! He was 50 and had never had sex!!?!! These things never *phase* me, but sometimes they still surprise me. Sometimes, my surprise shows, because I have no filter and have internalized beliefs about the world. Oops.

So when she reached out as a young, beautiful, bisexual woman and said she wanted to be with me to get over the hump, as it were, of having sex, I was surprised. And flattered. And excited. And nervous.

You never forget your first. Your first kiss. Your first orgasm. The first time you experience sex you truly want. Being deliberately chosen, *AND PAID* to be someone’s first is a beautiful and heavy responsibility, no matter when it comes in my client’s life.

She was unsure. That she followed up and arrived must have been an internal battle that I”m glad she won. I wondered once or twice if she would change her mind and leave. But she didn’t.

Women are more complicated, more difficult in many ways, than men. Men have this nice, highly visible barometer that tells you clearly and immediately where their sexual desire is*. Women, well, we’re a little more cryptic, and the price for a misjudgment is often higher. When I casually mentioned this, her first thought was to apologize for being more difficult than my other clients. I rarely miss so badly with my words, foolish, self absorbed personality that I can be, haha! Her reaction was such a short hop from what women in the US, particularly shy, pretty ones, are told every day. Don’t be difficult, don’t make anyone’s life harder than it needs to be.

Well fuck that. I want women to own and enjoy their hidden depths! Fuck yeah it’s harder (most of the time) to make a woman come than a man. And to know what’s going to make her come. And to hang on long enough to get it done. Generally, with a penis-having-person, you stroke it up and down. Add lube or a foreskin, a little ball play, and that’s about it. Variations in tempo and pressure, sure, but nothing like the variety in women’s pleasure packaging!

I’ve seen everything from ‘I’m not going to come but that feels nice for now’ to ‘lube your ducking hand and GET IT IN ME’ to ‘Please strap me on this penis shaped rocket and light the fuse’ when it comes to getting women off. I am, very nearly, as clueless as you are, my reader. But what I do have is the ability to read body language.

When someone is nervous, they sweat, they tremble, they avert their eyes, they need a hug and some non-eye-contact cuddling. When someone is comfortable but not aroused, their eyes are bright and willing to make contact, their breath is even, and their speech can be either animated or subdued, but is focused. When someone is aroused in a way that will probably make them come, their hips buck, their breath gets fast and loud, their cheeks (and a lot of other places) get flushed red, often their eyes close, and sometimes they start making noise. These things. I look for these things. If I’m about to go down on someone and they’re giving me nervous signals, I’m going to either stop, or proceed veeeeeeeeeery slowly and check in after making my intentions clear but before actually beginning. Trying to be sexy to someone who is nervous doesn’t work well.

Guys. This is the secret to pleasuring a woman. Not special techniques or ungodly stamina or some fancy toy, just listening to her body and allowing it to dictate where you go.

Sorry. I got a little derailed there.

She was shy, so I am holding the details for myself because I think she would prefer it, but I am compelled to write about the encounter because I think it’s important that inexperienced men and women know that I hold space for you in my practice. That your newness and shyness is charming and sweet and that being chosen to guide you along your sexual journey fills me with pleasure and pride.

So thank you, sweet girl, for trusting me. I hope to see you again and I think it would help but you don’t need it. I saw in you, in only two hours, a little boost of confidence that I think will serve you well. I didn’t treat you the way I did because I was paid to, I did it because you deserve it. You deserve to have input in your pleasure. You deserve to be asked for what you want. You deserve to give and receive the touch you want. You deserve to be with someone who values those things. And also: you’re gonna be great. Whoever you choose to share your self with is a lucky, lucky person.

*About 15% of the time, a boner does not mean what you think it means. I won’t discount this, but I will acknowledge that it’s far more often reliable than not.