Out of Bounds

I get together with my girlfriends sometimes and we talk shop. Things come up, usually just small pet peeves, but also deeper thoughts on our work, how it impacts us, how we can do it better, and how to solve problems.

A week or so ago, I was sitting around chatting and the conversation turned to breaking boundaries. Not when clients do it, but when we do. When, in an FBSM session, I let you taste me or, when in a mutual touch session, we have sex. When the moment moves us to share more than we should because it feels right. In the moment

The three of us agreed that it never ends well, not because we regret the moment or the passion, but because it nearly always leads to unmet expectations. When I’m deep in the middle of a conversation and can’t help but bleed over time, when the call of an orgasm is stronger than the will to deny it, it sets up an expectation for the next time. Or if not the very next time, then one somewhere in the nebulous future.

Though we all agreed, it wasn’t in some sort of female solidarity over men, it was with a sense of sorrow. We three adore our work and our clients and regret that we cannot allow ourselves the freedom of the moment. Nearly every time we break or bend the boundaries, eventually the client provider relationship suffers.

Never right away. The appreciation and feeling of pride lasts a while most of the time. Then the client starts to wonder if it will ever happen again. Then follow feelings of insecurity, of desire, of rejection… Sometimes, with self awareness and communication, these feelings can be headed off soon enough to maintain the relationship. All three of us have lost clients, beloved regulars who fill us with warmth and pleasure, to this trap.

We all slip sometimes. We make mistakes and go too far and wish we didn’t have to regret it. We can forgive ourselves and try to do better the next time around. I don’t regret the times I’ve let excitement carry me away. I only regret the fallout.

So if your provider allows you a bit farther than they are supposed to into their world, I hope you appreciate it for what it is and let it stand on it’s own. All three of us, talented, experienced, incredibly sensuous women, agreed that, were our clients to allow these moments to stand as they are, without letting them inspire future desire, we would feel a much greater sense of freedom in our work.

I wish this to be an inspiration for my readers. An inspiration to appreciate and adore without demanding more. Without asking. Accept your gift, freely given, and cherish it. When you find yourself expecting more and wishing for it, I encourage you to remind yourself that what you have is enough. If the reminder rings hollow and you realize that it is not, thank your provider for opening your eyes, and make changes where they are needed.

One Reply to “Out of Bounds”

  1. This is interesting. When you set up the premise in the second paragraph I thought you were going to say that you regretted softening your boundaries because you it might threaten your livelihood or it was emotionally harmful to you in some way. Your real reason is understandable and (duh) legitimate. If something like that happened to me as a client I don’t believe that I would have any expectation or entitlement that it would ever happen again. I think I would feel lucky, kind of like seeing a rainbow. You can’t expect to see a rainbow and be resentful if you don’t…,

    A long time ago…probably 20 years ago…. I saw a really cool FBSM provider many times. I know we weren’t “friends” in the traditional sense but I think we had a special relationship. One reason I think that is that I ran into her in Fremont one day and, being polite and discrete, I didn’t immediately acknowledge her. She saw me, noticed that I was alone, and gave me a warm greeting. It was nice. Anyway, one day we were in a sessions and it was typically awesome in the usual one -directional way. I was really getting into it and she seemed to be getting turned on but my response. Out of the blue she asked me if I liked to go down on women. I said I loved to. [Description of the session redacted.]

    When she climbed down she thanked me and I thanked her back and we laughed about it. It was a totally fantastic experience that never happened again. I never once expected it to happen again. I did fantasize about it some but never felt any disappointment.

    I’m slightly embarrassed that I remember the experience so vividly and that I shared here where nobody may ever read it but your story brought it back to me. One last thing. I believe this woman may still be working. I might just look and see and, if she is, ask her if she’d be willing to see me again after all these years, I wonder if she’ll remember me?

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