Category: Professional Relations

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The Literal Best

I am absolutely sure I’ve done this before but, given last week’s angry rant, I feel it’s warranted again. I’d like to write a love letter to my clients.

82% of all the appointments I had in the last 16 months have been with returning clients. Out of everyone who chosen to spend an absurd amount* of their hard earned money hiring my company and services, 82% had met me before, knew who I was, knew what I had to offer, and chose to come see me anyway. Not ‘taking a chance’ on me but spending good money on a sure thing.

Most ladies thrive on regular clients, those of you who come see us weekly, daily, or just once or twice a year. That such a high percentage of my working time is spent with folks I have developed rapport with isn’t exactly unusual, but I can also say that 66% of the new friends I made over the last 16 months came back at least once. So far.

I’ve been struggling and worried lately over the effects of SESTA and the shut down of a myriad of local and national ad platforms. Eros is harder than ever to get onto and all of us are all mixed up together. It used to be that those offering and looking for a quick, dirty fuck could go to one or two places online, make that clear, and go on their merry way. They avoided platforms that catered to the longer, chattier types and vice versa. It’s just not the case anymore.

I went nearly three years without getting more than a few useless inquiries in my inbox. My website and ads made it pretty clear who I was, what I wanted, and what I offered. The two or three wasteful emails a month didn’t bother me since they were easy to spot and stayed in the minority. I used to read in awe about other people getting such scintillating messages as ‘u avail’ and ‘how much for hhr’. And yes, the lack of punctuation is part of it. Now…. Well let’s just say I’ve put a few extremely useful email filters even between potential clients and Rose. Rose was my filter, sifting through junk before it stressed me out and sometimes even turning the junk into gold. Or something like it. Now even she needs one, too.

I’m not alone here, either. All of my colleagues, from the ones who already dealt with a high proportion of junk to the ones who do everything they can to turn most people off, are experiencing a higher than usual percentage of absolute junk.

In their turn, clients are seeing a higher percentage of junk ads. There are, now more than ever, untrustworthy and suboptimal providers taking advantage of the confusion and, in their own confusion, scrambling to find their clients. Their niche. We had a comfortable strata and now it’s all jumbled. And what we’re losing is the professional, kind, respectful client provider interaction I got used to. It’s still there, it’s just much harder to find.

I am in an exceptional position. I have people from years ago that know who I am and that they can trust me to do what I say I will and be where I say I’ll be when I say I’ll be there. I have a robust client base that allows me to eject infuriating clients without suffering financially. Part of that is due to the aforementioned living up to the expectations I set but there would be no living up to anything without the clients who continue to visit me. Without the funny, silly, serious, sexy, passionate, intelligent, blue collar, admiring, respectful, giving clients who fill a hundred days at a time with amusement and adventure.

When I was very young I drew a picture. It was a bedroom, a large one with a four poster princess bed right in the middle, sashes hanging elegantly from the corners, and a stick figure woman (in my imagination she is beautiful) lounging back. At the door, patiently waiting to be called in stood a man. Young, old, no one knows, and it wasn’t important. What was important was that he waited, patiently, for his name to be called. Behind him stood another man, and behind another, dozens of men, receding down the hall, all patiently waiting their turn to enter the room and see the lady.

You see, the lady was beautiful and sexual and highly desirable. The men were waiting patiently for her to sexually serve them with her unimaginable skills. Her pleasure was irrelevant, her desire, sexually, was of no consequence. She was SO good at sex (whatever that was, ha! I was twelve at the time) that it was her duty and her pleasure to service each man, in turn.

I wanted to be her. So desirable! So elegant! In her beautiful bed, with the power to demand that each man wait his turn and the skill to entice them to actually do it… That was my dream.

And the cherry on top? There was a speech bubble and a thought bubble, each with a different name in it. You see, she *wanted* Joe to be next because she desired sex with him but Steve was next in line and duty stood above desire.

Like, holy fuck. I drew a picture of a high volume prostitute when I was twelve years old and wanted to be her! I am quite literally living my own personal dream. I can’t see my beloveds one right after the other, and I am more selective than twelve year old me/prostitute was, but holding myself to the promises I make, the setting aside of my own selfish self (sometimes) to give pleasure, bestowing my sexual skills graciously on those who come to my door…

So my beloveds, my darlings, you doofy, silly, sexy as fuck, adoring, deserving dears, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, truly, it is because of you that I live my dream and I will spend my life thanking you. I will live in my house that you bought for me, with my friends and my loves, my cats and my dogs, tilling my garden and trying to teach a younger generation. And I will thank you every day for what you helped me build.

When you first arrive, you intrigue me. When you go, I miss you. In between, I enjoy and adore you. I cannot imagine my life without you.

*Given the nature of the market and where average rates sit, every penny of what I ask is legitimate, but it is a pretty absurd amount of money given today’s wages. I wish it were different but sadly it is not. Know that I acknowledge and appreciate what sacrifices need to be made for me.

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I Can’t Even

I know it’s been a while since I updated regularly. I feel an upswing of inspiration and motivation on its way. I do apologize that my first post after a long silence is an angry rant but I do hope it’s taken in the way it’s intended: not as something that makes me hate anything or anyone but as an astonished, incredulous venting of what, after a week or so of telling the story to friends, has given me some great material. the “Too Long; Didn’t Read” summary is that someone tried to mansplain my clitoris to me and did it in the absolute dumbest way possible so I fired him. Sigh. I love dudes but…

 

Not all men suck, but when they do, they all suck the same way.

When I decided to start offering full service again, I knew a few folks who had a middle ground between sensual massage and piv sex. I thought about it, and decided against it. Receiving pleasure is much more emotionally taxing for me than giving pleasure. My entire body is extremely sensitive and can only handle so much in any given period of time and my mind and heart are far more interested in doing than being done to. So, instead of offering a middle ground session at a lower rate, I decided that that reciprocal touch that includes everything except would simply have to fall under the umbrella of reciprocal touch that includes everything. I know there are people who would see this as paying more for less, but that is a pretty clear sign that our attitudes about sex don’t match up well. Oral sex, digital sex, its all still sex and it all takes it out of me, physically, emotionally, etc.

Given everything I’ve written and said and decided regarding oral sex in fbsm, enter Patrick.

It started in his first form submission. His comment made it clear that he was looking for mutual masturbation in a massage setting. I replied with a little blurb acknowledging the request but denying it, including an excerpt from the blog post I wrote about it. Over the next dozen emails, he went back and forth between agreeing to FBSM and that my limits were fine, to being ‘confused’ about my definitions of FBSM, to finally insisting that he could give me so much pleasure if only I let him and it would make his fantasy so much better. Throughout all of this I am getting less and less opaque, making it very clear what he should do moving forward: either book a more expansive session or chill the freak out and let me do what I do best.

A this point, I should have known better. No one needs this much explaining. No one reasonable, anyway. People with head injuries and English as their second language have an easier time navigating my boundaries and needs than this guy! But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I felt that it *could* go really well for him and worst case scenario for me he gets handier than I like and I ave to redirect.

So Patrick and I are in my apartment, slowly undressing, kissing, exchanging pleasantries, getting ready for some table time, and he brings it up again. Not in a ‘you should change your mind’ kind of way but in a ‘if you only listened to me you would understand that you’re wrong about your own clitoris’ kind of way.

It’s an intimate scene. I’m undressed and he’s down to shorts, we’re embracing, kissing, ready to start a lovely, luscious sensual massage in a few moments, if only he will stop talking. I am irritated in several ways by the arrogance of this person who kisses like a wet limpet and never stops talking to listen, who insists on stifling my voice with unskilled and indelicate face mushing, and who now has brought up a topic that had been set aside. Cue a spike in my blood pressure.

Guys? Guys. This guy tried to mansplain my own. clitoris. to me. Like, wft? You can fuck right off, at that point bro.

His thought was that *very gentle* clitoral stimulus can’t possibly be in the same category as penis in vagina sex. And he’s not *entirely* wrong; a lovely little tease can be a nice interlude and is welcome under the right circumstances. But he is assuming 1: that he has a magic face that is capable of gentle pleasure, 2: that what I mean by ‘wear and tear’ on my body is confined to literal physical damage, 3: that I don’t understand that he can’t keep an erection in a condom long enough to have PIV sex and so 4: he shouldn’t have to book a FS session, 5: that oral sex isn’t sex, and 6: that he isn’t asking for free extras and it doesn’t make him look real cheap.

And I would have happily explained this to him if I got more than a few words out at a time. It’s as if this guy doesn’t know that I spend most of my life thinking about, learning about, and catering to cocks of various sizes, styles, tensile strengths, and functionalities. As if I didn’t understand that age and ailment can make it harder to hold onto an erection. As if I haven’t put any thought into the decisions I make. As if I don’t already know exactly how I feel about receiving oral. None of what I do is arbitrary and here comes this brick wall with a mouth spouting nonsense and completely ignoring all attempts at communication from me.

So I kicked him out. For the first time ever in my six years as an entertainer, satisfier, erotic specialist, and tolerant person in general, I kicked someone out mid session.

I don’t get that pissed off that often. Especially when I empathize with the guy. It sucks to reach a point where an orgasm takes so much time and energy to achieve that they can only come few and far between. This is an expensive hobby and of course you want to get a satisfying experience for your money. That’s fine and I don’t mind at all when people feel that way, or even when they ask once or twice, or hint at it, or try to bribe me, or whatever. What pissed me off this time was the combination of me *knowing* that his jackassery was coming but hoping I’d be wrong, and having such an incredibly personal experience dismissed as if I simply didn’t understand my own. Fucking. Clitoris.

Of course I gave him his money back. I’m sure many folks would say I didn’t have to and I did regret it the one and only other time I left my fee behind, but it was clear that it was necessary this time. I hold myself to an unreasonably high standard in these matters and I wasn’t about to let this person have any hold over me.

I am proud of my behavior. Furious as I was, I simply put on a robe and said nothing. Well, nearly nothing, I caved a few times and tried to engage in further discussion but I have been in these arguments before; every word I say is a weapon in his arsenal. Plus I only got a few words out before he reminded me why I was kicking him out. He asked me out to lunch, to talk over a cup of coffee, as if I wanted to let him continue to explain to me that I just didn’t understand and interrupt me every time I started a new word. I would rather eat dirt.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to eat dirt, I got to sit on my couch and listen to my lovely music, relax, wait for Adelle to come over so I could vent and we could snuggle, text my partner and my assistant to vent, and write this long angry essay about someone who would be right at home on the US Senate.

I just… It’s hard to believe, in some ways. I could *feel* my face getting red and hot, my pulse starting to race, my voice starting to shake, in the beginning of the conversation. Every time he interrupted me it was just fuel on the fire. A perceptive human who is interested in what other people have to say can see those logarithmic increases. I can see them. He couldn’t.

He apologized, of course, and I’m sure he regretted whatever it was that made me kick him out, and of course I forgive him for his mistake, but forgiveness doesn’t magically erase the adrenaline. With 45 minutes left to get him on the table, off the table, showered, and out, I wasn’t about to give the worst, most angry, half assed massage ever. I love my work and I’d like to keep loving it. Continuing a session after something like that is a good way to make me hate my work.

Post Script. It’s been a week and I’ve had time to both cool down and get angry all over again a few times. I’ve been through the stages of bad behavior: disbelief, anger, incredulity, anger again, resignation, and as of the publication of this post, release. I have received a few follow up emails, all equally as tone deaf as the first. This guy thinks it was his words that pissed me off, haha! But I’m finally at my computer long enough to block his email address and, with luck, I will never be reminded of him again. And I still don’t regret giving him his money back. I wouldn’t have regretted keeping it, and I was well within my rights to do so, but this is someone who made a fuss about 330 being an odd number and he had to go get change at the coffee shop. Tone. Deaf. Ha!

In the week between, I have met and re-met incredible people. The vast majority of people I meet are fantastic, or at least only odd, and I rarely have to deal with someone so boorish. Most of the time my darling clients are kind and gentle, generous, thoughtful, intelligent, bearing gifts and charm, grace and appreciation. As time goes by and this incident recedes into the realm of ‘funny stories I get to tell at the right kinds of parties’ bad behavior will take up less and less of my mental space to make room for my beloveds, the sweet gentlemen who, as always, make my life more pleasurable and more interesting.

Here’s to listening to my gut more often, haha!

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Do You See Women?

The short answer is yes, of course, anyone who wishes to spend their valuable time and hard earned money with me (and who treats me well) is welcome.

The long answer is “Yes, and…”

My pussy is straight. Kissing men gets me wet, having vaginal sex helps me orgasm, and my favorite flavor is blowjob. Biologically I am programmed to enjoy sex with penises and penis shaped objects. I’m very good at it and it brings me joy, pleasure, satisfaction, and a robust income.

I, however, am pansexual, or perhaps sapiosexual. I am fascinated by, curious about, and excited to touch and pleasure non-cis-gendered-male-people in a way that makes them feel safe and sexy. I am not as experienced with non-penis-owners but I’m getting more all the time and each new body is an exciting adventure. I’ve learned how to read the more hidden body language of the clitoris and to carefully interpret subtler facial expressions. I’m also aware, as a non-penis-owner myself, that there is a great deal of trust involved in receiving intimate touch from a relative stranger.

I have had gentlemen ask me if I could seduce their wife and pretend it was a random encounter. I have been asked to seduce people’s friends, girlfriends, wives, and every time I tell them no. I will not trick someone into having sex with me. Paying a sex worker to pretend she is just a pretty girl at a bar is a recipe for disaster when, not if, the victim finds out. I refuse to participate in any nonconsensual sex. Tricking someone into fucking me is not obtaining consent.

If, however, you two had a fantasy involving picking up a pretty girl at a bar and wanted to arrange the details ahead of time…

I have had folks ask if I would see their wives or girlfriends with them. To those wonderers: yes, but first we will meet without you for a massage and a chat. I want to check in with her without you present; the last thing any of us needs is a reluctant third in the mix. I also want to lavish her with sexy but non-demanding attention and to establish that she should expect more of the same when we are all together. As your professional third, everything I do will be for her. You’ll get what she wants me to give you and you’ll thank me for it later.

If you are an individual and you do not fit or identify with the above and you’re wondering if you can come see me: please, please do. Sensuality knows no shape or category. My hands are strong and gentle, my presence is warm and welcoming, my body is small and soft, and my heart is open. Perhaps you are struggling with dysmorphia or with your feminine sexual self after a history of shame or trauma, perhaps you need gender affirming touch leading up to or following surgery, maybe you just want a sexy massage that ends with some fun play time, or maybe you’re annoyed at all the pesky draping of a traditional massage and don’t mind checking out a pretty, naked girl while you get it.

Whatever brings you to my little corner of Seattle, rest assured you will have my full attention, my intuition, and a hefty discount.

So yes, I see women.

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The Big Scary STD Post

We’re all concerned with our health and safety, right? I certainly hope we are. Well, here are some things I’ve learned when considering my health and safety that I’d like to share with you.

From the CDC website:

“Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are passed from one person to another through intimate physical contact – such as heavy petting –  and from sexual activity including vaginal, oral, and anal sex. STDs are very common. In fact, CDC estimates 20 million new infections occur every year in the United States. STDs can mostly be prevented by not having sex. If you do have sex, you can lower your risk by using condoms and being in a sexual relationship with a partner who does not have an STD. STDs do not always cause symptoms, so it is possible to have an infection and not know it. That is why it is important to get tested if you are having sex. If you are diagnosed with an STD, know that all can be treated with medicine and some can be cured entirely.“ [My emphasis added]

In this post, I will list the most common sexually transmitted diseases or infections, their prevalence, and my transmission reduction strategies. No sex is completely, perfectly safe but there are measures I take to significantly reduce the chances of myself contracting or unknowingly passing on STDs. My top two strategies are 100% condom usage for all genital-to-genital contact and a constant eye on cleanliness. I wash my body with soap before and after each encounter to remove as much sloughing skin as possible (carriers of HSV and HPV, among others), I use gloves for giving anal simulation, I rinse my mouth with alcohol based mouthwash after giving oral sex, I cover any cuts or scrapes with a waterproof barrier, and I keep linens and surfaces in my incall clean and regularly disinfected.
Where appropriate, I will mention other additional transmission reduction strategies.

HSV – Herpes
“Nationwide, 15.7 % of persons aged 14 to 49 years have HSV-2 infection2, however, the prevalence of genital herpes infection is  higher than that because an increasing number of genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1
Infections are transmitted through contact with HSV in herpes lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. 5 HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be shed from normal-appearing oral or genital mucosa or skin. 7,8 Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during genital contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. However, receiving oral sex from a person with an oral HSV-1 infection can  result in getting a genital HSV-1 infection. 2 Transmission commonly occurs from contact with an infected partner who does not have visible lesions and who may not know that he or she is infected. 7In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10.2% of days, compared to 20.1% of days among those with symptomatic infections. 8”

In addition to my standard reduction strategies: Prior to oral or genital contact, if I see anything that appears blister-like on or near your mouth or genitals, I’ll avoid contact with the area so keep that in mind when scheduling. This may mean no kissing, no giving or receiving of oral sex, or no sex at all. I will not give you your money back if you show up with a sore and we don’t have sex. I also specifically ask my doctor to order HSV tests with my routine checks as HSV is not on the standard STD panel.
A further transmission reduction strategy I do not employ is taking a daily antiviral medication. This method is used by anyone positive for the infection and helps prevent passing it on to an uninfected partner. Were I ever to contract HSV I would add this to my transmission reduction strategies. Should you find yourself positive for HSV I would take it as a great kindness if you would talk to your doctor about adding this to your daily multivitamin regime.

HPV (warts)
“79 million Americans, most in their late teens and early 20s, are infected with HPV
You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms.”

Pay REALLY close attention to this one, guys. It is safe to assume that every single provider you meet has come into contact with HPV and may be positive for one or more strains. You can’t test for HPV the way you can test for other STDs; it shows up on a pap smear as an irregular pap, or as warts, or as cancer. There are so many different strains that it’s simply not practical to find out about and all research is going into vaccines for a few strains.
Gentlemen: if you have daughters and you’d like to protect them from everything from embarrassment to death, please please please get them the vaccine before they are at risk of contracting it. The CDC recommends vaccinating as young as 9 years old, depending on the individual. No one wants to think of their nine year old as at risk for the kind of contact that exposes her to HPV but don’t dwell on it, just do it. This will protect her for her entire life; don’t let your discomfort keep you from protecting her, and don’t wait until you think she’s probably sexually active because, while it’s never too late to get vaccinated against everything we can, vaccines work best when you get them before exposure to the virus. My first likely exposure was around age 15 and I didn’t get the vaccine until 10 years later. Don’t let that happen.
As for you: wash your penis and the surrounding area thoroughly with soap both before and after your appointments This not only makes it nicer for your provider but helps wash off dead skin cells which is where the virus rubs off onto your partner. You’re looking to spend good time with any skin that comes into contact with hers: the base of your penis, balls, the surrounding area, probably inner thighs and up your belly depending on how wet she gets, and obviously your face. Also: If you’re going to manscape, the safest and easiest is not to shave but to trim close with an electric trimmer. I prefer about a half inch of fuzz to act as a cushion. I am extremely sensitive to stubble and razor burn compromises the skin, increasing the potential for transmission so simply be aware. If you cut yourself shaving, wait until it heals over to see anyone.

Chlamydia
“Any sexually active person can be infected with chlamydia. It is a very common STD, especially among young people.3 It is estimated that 1 in 20 sexually active young women aged 14-24 years has chlamydia.5
Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis, vagina, mouth, or anus of an infected partner. Ejaculation does not have to occur for chlamydia to be transmitted or acquired.”

Gonorhea
“In 2016, 468,514 cases of gonorrhea were reported to CDC.
Gonorrhea is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis, vagina, mouth, or anus of an infected partner.”

Syphillis
“You can get syphilis by direct contact with a syphilis sore during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. You can find sores on or around the penis, vagina, or anus, or in the rectum, on the lips, or in the mouth.”

Chlamydia, Ghonnorhea, and Syphillis are all serious but treatable. Signs and symptoms may include rashes, pain with urination, bad smell, and more but the best and only way to know if you have one of the above is to get tested. Testing is simple, easy, and at Planned Parenthood it’s not expensive. You as a client should be getting tested yearly; please do not lean 100% on your provider to manage your sexual health. My transmission and harm reduction strategy, as with other STDs, is cleanliness and barriers. There are reports of an antibiotic resistant Ghonorrhea in the UK which, due to the globalization of our world, may not stay there. Until I start hearing reports of it closer to home I still choose not to use barriers with oral sex but I am happy to oblige anyone who requests them and can refer you to colleagues who do as part of their routine practices.

HIV
CDC does not cite prevalence statistics
“You can get HIV from anal or vaginal sex or blood to blood contact such as shared needles. The presence of other STDs can increase the risks of passing HIV to sex partners and can also suggest the presence of other risk factors.”

Hepatitis C
“HCV infection is the most common chronic bloodborne infection in the United States, with an estimated 2.7 million persons living with chronic infection (222). HCV is not efficiently transmitted through sex (170, 223).”

HIV and Hep C are blood-borne pathogens. My additional transmission reduction strategy for both is to avoid things like tooth-brushing or eating scratchy foods right before an appointment and covering cracks or cuts on my hands with a liquid bandage. Also not being an IV drug user or a member of a health profession that comes into contact with blood helps me avoid possible direct contact with infected blood. If you want really detailed info on blood barriers and such, ask Mistress Matisse. She cuts people up all the time and does it safely so I’ll leave her with that. As for me, I simply try to avoid it as best as I can and use medical exam gloves any time I might be exposed to it.
For anyone positive for HepC or HIV, there are antiretrovirals that decrease the viral load to virtually zero, making the incidence of transmission low enough to be worth the risk for most. For anyone likely to encounter HIV, there is a series of pills (I’m pretty sure it’s pills but I could be wrong) that you can take before (pre-Exposure Prophylaxis or PrEP) or after (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis or PEP) your potential exposure to infected blood or sexual fluids. I know a few providers who are on it regularly, others who take it the weeks leading up to and following porn shoots, and have a few friends who take it because they are in love with an HIV+ person.
As an economically privileged woman who has sex with men, does not use IV drugs, and who uses condoms properly with each sex act, I am in a low risk category for HIV but it’s a high consequence risk so I take it seriously. I have chosen not to take PReP or PEP due to the side effects but you are welcome to ask your doctor.

Trich (this one is new to me – I’ve never even heard of it until this post)
“Trichomoniasis is the most common curable STD. In the United States, an estimated 3.7 million people have the infection. However, only about 30% develop any symptoms of trichomoniasis. Infection is more common in women than in men.
The parasite passes from an infected person to an uninfected person during sex. In women, the most commonly infected part of the body is the lower genital tract (vulva, vagina, cervix, or urethra). In men, the most commonly infected body part is the inside of the penis (urethra). During sex, the parasite usually spreads from a penis to a vagina, or from a vagina to a penis. It can also spread from a vagina to another vagina. It is not common for the parasite to infect other body parts, like the hands, mouth, or anus.”

BV (Bacterial Vaginosis)
“Bacterial vaginosis is the most common vaginal infection in women ages 15-44.
Researchers do not know the cause of BV or how some women get it. We do know that the infection typically occurs in sexually active women.”

Trich and BV aren’t something you’ll likely get as a penis-owner and fall into the yeast and Urinary Tract infections category: Annoying, uncomfortable, serious if not treated, but easily done away with for most. You can help me avoid suffering from these by keeping your hands and face either soft and clean or away from my pussy. Condoms provide a great deal of protection from what’s on and around your penis but it’s nice if that’s reasonably clean, too.

 

Other Information:

You may see claims that the prevalence of STDs is higher in sex work populations. Nearly every study in the US of sex workers does not include indoor sex workers in their sample group but instead focuses primarily or exclusively on street based sex workers. While I consider Street based sex workers my sisters, they are very often associated with high risk factors such as poverty, drug use, abusive relationships, undernutrition, and a high incidence of unprotected vaginal or anal sex. These are far more indicative risk factors than whether or not someone accepts items of value in exchange. Note that there is a fascinating subset of providers who choose to work as street based sex workers but avoid the attendant risk factors so, as with all things, never assume.

We know that every sex worker working in the legal brothels of Nevada is STD free because weekly testing is in their contract. We also know that in Australia where sex work is decriminalized in most states, “Currently, there is no evidence that sex workers in Australia have higher rates of STIs than the general population.” The same page from the Australian Sexual Health Alliance states, as I said earlier, “High priority groups include street based sex workers, sex workers who inject drugs, culturally and linguistically diverse sex workers, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander sex workers and male and transgender sex workers.“ Though in the US you might replace “Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander sex workers” with “sex workers of color or native descent” in the United States.

So what do we know? Well, we know that we are in a higher risk category to contract the more common sexually transmitted infections due to our higher incidence of sexual contact. We also know that as religious and informed users of carefully selected and properly stored condoms we are in a low-risk category. We know that we are in lower risk categories also due to our avoidance of IV drug use, our avoidance of drug and heavy alcohol use during sexual encounters, and our regular testing routines.

One of the reasons that young people and people in marginalized communities are at higher risks for STDs is that they are often under pressure to have unprotected sex or participate in other risky activities. If you’re drunk when you bang and the condom breaks, you’re a lot less likely to notice. If you’re young and inexperienced, you’re a lot more likely to give in to someone asking for unprotected sex. If you’re certain that you’ll notice if you get an STD so you avoid testing, you’re more likely to have an unnoticed infection.

So what do we do now? I get tested every three months; you should get tested every year simply because you’re having sex with me and I have sex with other people. You should absolutely get tested every year if you’re seeing providers as well as me and you should get tested at least twice yearly if you’re on tinder, Grindr, or other hookup sites and see new sexual partners in less informed demographics. You can have an STD and not know it. Your provider can have an STD and not know it. Knowledge is power; don’t give it away because you’re lazy.

This isn’t to scare you, it’s to remind you. I want us to have the safest sex we can reasonably have because I fucking love sex when I’m not anxious. If I’m concerned that you’re not committed to safer sex practices, I’ll be much less able to relax. One of the sexiest things you can possibly do is check the condom to make sure it’s in place and unbroken. (You don’t have to as I’m on top of it but it is reassuring.)

Side note: this isn’t a hint. I’m not slyly suggesting that I caught something and you should check for it, this is just something I think about a lot and felt like it would be useful to share.

All my STD statistics and about quotes are from the CDC STD info sheets at https://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm. The quote about sex workers in Australia is from http://www.sti.guidelines.org.au/populations-and-situations/sex-workers#testing-advice.

Thank you and happy humping!!

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Same Day Experiements

I’m always experimenting with what things work for me. What to do, how long to do it, etc. Over the last couple of months I experimented with making myself terribly available for same-day get togethers. Very little has contributed to my discontent like making myself available for same-day appointments.

The problem with same-day appointments is two fold. The first problem is when they don’t materialize. When I try to ‘treat this like a business’ and hold some kind of office hours, I do a pretty good job of keeping myself occupied. In some ways it’s been good for me. I meditate (or try to), read, write, and constantly revamp my website. I keep my advertising current and keep trying to make Rose’s life easier but failing ha! But there is nothing quite like wanting to do something else and feeling guilty about it because I’m supposed to be a professional.

The converse is when I say fuck it and do what I wanted to, only to find that, had I been around, I could have gotten laid! My eternal frustration is being unable to have sex because the person who wanted to have sex with me didn’t let me know before I went to bed, so I woke up without enough time to do so. Or committing myself to a social engagement or volunteer opportunity because otherwise I’d have been bored at the office only to find out that if I’d been at the office I could have gotten busy with you.

I tried it, and it didn’t work. I tried taking the same bus and holding the same hours and having a regular gig only to find that it doesn’t work the way I want it to. It doesn’t support my happiness and well being. I either get frustrated at the wasted potential of an empty day or frustrated by the disappointment of realizing in close order that I could have been busy but can’t.

So I’m ending my experiment. It’s an absolutely gorgeous spring so far and I’m going to go love it. You should, too. And when you see a potential clear spot in your schedule, say something right away so I have enough time to get where I need to be for us. I understand not wanting to pester me with a teaser that never comes to fruition, I appreciate the consideration, but there’s a very easy way to solve that problem: send a good faith tip.

The next time you see a potential spot in your schedule late the same day or early the next morning but you’re not sure you’ll actually get it, let me know. I’ll let you know if it’s possible on my end (a lot of times just checking my calendar will tell you if I can or not but check anyway) and you can send me 100$. I’ll make myself available for up to a two hour appointment at the time you think you might have. If it doesn’t work on your end, you’ve compensated me for my efforts and if it does work, you won’t need as much from the ATM.

I know that a few of you have been in this spot and it’s frustrating on all sides. This is how to make it work for me.

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New Guy

I’m new

Ok, that’s fine. Just send over your references…

No, like really new.

Oh, right. OK, well fill out my screening form on my contact page and…

No, I mean I’m really, really new to this.

…Ooooooh. Wow. Ok take a seat.

If you’re not only new to seeing professionals but you’re new to this whole girls thing in general, there are some things for you to know.

First: Relax. I know that’s not very helpful, but I promise you’ll have a better time if you give yourself time to breath, read everything available to you, follow the click trails, and let yourself sleep on it. When you’re going to your first appointment, arrive a little early so you can take a few breaths. Book 90 minutes so you’re not rushed and have time to ask questions.

Second: we all have different ways of doing things so whatever I say here is overridden by anything your provider says on their website or in their ads.

If you’re looking to lose your virginity with a professional, know that it’s going to be different than with a girlfriend. It’s not guaranteed to be good, or even great, and it certainly won’t be unprotected. There are limitations within this world and navigating the emotional aftermath of sex isn’t always simple.

Ideally, you’ll have found someone nice who is willing to take her time and help you get what you want. You’ll have gotten over that first experience, realized that sex is both under-appreciated and overrated by turns, learned a little about how two bodies work together, and can either return to your provider to learn more or move out into the world with a little confidence under your belt.

There are two ways your first time could go wrong. If your provider isn’t who you thought they’d be or isn’t willing to hug or kiss or cuddle or give you any feedback, you may end up with an isolated, uncomfortable, unsatisfying experience and no context to frame it in. It could make you feel worse, not better. The other way it can go wrong is if your provider is awesome and the lines between emotional connection and sexual satisfaction start to blur.

Both of these problems can often be resolved by finding another, equally awesome provider to either help you experience good sex or to take your focus off the first one.

So how do you even find one of these nice girls? The one who will help you experience pleasure and sex without short changing you or disappointing you? If you’re in Seattle, come find me, Sofina, or Alice. If you’re anywhere else and you can’t afford to fly me to you, look for providers you have something in common with. Many of us have websites with about me pages where we talk about what books we like, what shows we watch, what our hobbies and interests are, and whatever little tidbits we can think of and are willing to share. It’s increasingly common to see providers on twitter, being cute and showing personalities.

Let go of any preconceived ideas of what you want. I’m sure you’d love to hook up with that statuesque blonde but what if the tiny brunette in the corner is going to adore you the way you’ve always wanted? You can see the blonde later. Right now you’re searching for a vibe, not a look.

There aren’t any hard and fast keywords to search for, either. Plenty of folks who advertise as ‘unrushed’ kick you out the moment you’ve come. There’s a list of acronyms to pick and choose from but not everyone agrees on every thing so even that’s not foolproof. If you want this to feel beautiful and special, doing your homework helps.

Doing your homework looks like reading a bunch. Follow any links your provider has on their website and investigate a little. At http://divinadaemon.com/1209-2/ I wrote up a list of advertising sites for the Seattle area specifically but several of them are national or global so they’re a good place to start.

Never sign up for anything related to this industry with an email address you use for work or that has your name in it. You may be asked to screen using your name, that’s fine, but don’t just leave it sitting around for any subpoena to catch. Have your provider delete your information after they’ve seen you and/or use encrypted methods to communicate it. A lot of folks are using proton mail these days.

So you’ve looked around, followed her on twitter, seen some cute pictures, and think you’re ready to take the plunge. Now what? I have forms on my website that walk you through whichever screening method you’re comfortable with. I’ve upgraded them so they’re encrypted and all my email addresses are as well. It should be simple to click through the steps and initiate screening. Once my assistant has done a light online screening (checking blacklists, quick google searches, verifying employment, etc) she will email you with the go-ahead for scheduling.

I have another form for that, also simple and straightforward, that asks for exactly the information I need to reserve time for us.

I usually suggest bodywork for our first meeting. First of all, it’s less expensive so if you end up changing your mind you’re not out to the same degree you might have been. Second, if you’ve never kissed, touched, fondled, or made love, this will all be a little overwhelming. It’s likely you’ll be nervous and you can only do so much in 90 minutes. With the tablework, some of your time is face down. By limiting your visual input, it’s easier to enjoy the other senses. And finally, it’s low pressure on you. Those jangling nerves can have weird effects; some people can’t maintain erections, others only have them a few moments before they’re done and gone. If we’re focused entirely on you, there’s no pressure or disappointment. As an added bonus, I’m a very good masseuse so if all else goes to shit at lest you’ll get a nice massage out of it, haha!

If you opt to go big or go home, that’s fine, too, it just means we won’t quite know each other that well yet and we might be a little awkward at first 😉

When you’re getting ready for your first full service appointment, shower thoroughly before you show up. That means you’ll have to touch your butthole with your soapy hand and if you have a foreskin it might mean pulling it back to expose your head to rinse it. I don’t recommend applying soap to skin that would normally be covered by a foreskin but rinse it thoroughly. I do the same with everything covered by my outer labia: rinse well but do not apply soap. Soap does, however, go on the butt, the outer labia, and for you, the balls and perineum (the bit between balls and butt). Not everyone manages this. There’s nothing quite like stinky junk to prevent that amazing blowjob from happening.

File your nails and trim your cuticles. Don’t cut your nails, file them. Check your mouth, hands, and genitals for any cuts, scrapes, sores, or wounds. Yes, that means that bleeding hangnail and the dry skin cracks if they get too deep. If you have any, cover them. This might mean using gloves or a dental dam when pleasuring her or it might mean applying a liquid or fabric bandaid.

If you’re going to manscape, trim, don’t shave, and certainly don’t shave right before as you’ll have micro wounds from the razor. Also, no one likes prickly stubble grinding up on their sensitive bits so it’s best to either wax or trim, not shave.

Same with brushing and flossing: Floss the night before, brush the morning of, mouthwash upon arrival. Bristles cause micro wounds that can increase the risks of passing on bugs.

Ah, the envelope. So many people worry about the envelope. I’m not terribly picky about what you put my fee in, as long as it’s correct and present. I prefer you put it down somewhere obvious: a countertop or some such, and usually I ignore it until we’re done. With new clients sometimes I will make a point of checking to make sure we’re all on the same page, but it’s rarely a problem. The standard method is a plain, unmarked white envelope, unsealed so it’s easy to open and also reusable. Alternative methods are inside a thank you card or inside a gift bag with a gift. I’m always chuffed to get a new book that has a few extra leaves in it. When in doubt, leave it out, in plain sight, and don’t mention it. The rate should be very clear beforehand, either agreed upon over email or clearly listed on her website.

How to ask about rates? That’s a tricky one because everyone feels differently. What if the thing you want is included in the lower rate and you didn’t know that or they only have one rate and you’re not sure you’ll get to do the thing you want to do within that rate? This is one of the most relevant reasons for you, clients, to be fighting for decriminalization. By telling you what you will or won’t do, your provider is incriminating you both. It’s the number one method, and the only method useful in court, for busting providers and clients. It’s frustrating as hell and it’s why nearly no one will actually tell you whether they’ll kiss you or not. It’s how shady folks hide and how honest and open folks get arrested. The short answer is: you don’t get to ask about her rates and services because if you do, and she tells you, and you’re a vice officer, she’s screwed, and not in the fun way. You should, unfortunately, be suspicious of anyone who offers you a menu or rate structure that outlines services. Don’t ask, don’t tell, and I hope it gets repealed, ha!

However, once both of you have met once or twice, you are now allowed to make inquiries. Some ladies are ok with simple question and answer. I find it most helpful when I hear “I’ve always wondered about XYZ. Have you done it before? How was it?” Now I know that it’s on your radar. If I’m down, we go for it. If I’m not but I know someone who is, I’ll suggest you go see her (and if I know her well enough I can even give her a heads up). Until then, you just have to go with the flow.

Generally, with 90 minutes, I try to spend a lot of time kissing and hugging, undressing each other, letting you look at me… that’s a big one. It’s rare that guys get the chance to really just stare at a woman, much less a real life naked one, without shame. All these firsts just keep rocking through you, not giving you much chance to reflect and process. I try to give us time for that. I’ll give you pointers and feedback and do my best to read your face for signs of ecstasy or fear or anything in between. If I don’t feel that you’re ready, I won’t push you into it.

What now? Sex is pretty great, isn’t it? I know there are limitations in emotional connection and in sensitivity, but it’s still great and now it’s not some mysterious unknown. If you decide that’s all you needed, I hope it helps and I hope your future lovers appreciate how careful you were with yourself and your sexuality. If you decide to come back enough times to learn how to read a sexual situation, how to establish boundaries with new partners, and how to listen to your partner’s body, then I hope I’m up to the task. If you decide this is it, you’re just gonna stick with ladies of the evening for the foreseeable future, I’m happy to welcome you into my world and help you establish a pleasurable and robust community experience.

For the bullet-pointed among us: here’s the quick and dirty how-to.

New client step-by step instructions:

1: Read my FAQ page in full www.amiepetite.com/FAQ

2: Fill out my screening form. Feel free to follow up if you have questions AFTER you’ve filled it out. https://form.jotform.com/71645582884166

3: After getting the go-ahead from Rose, check my calendar against yours and find a time we’re both available. www.amiepetite.com/calendar-and-rates

4: Fill out my appointment request form. https://form.jotform.com/71647421484156

5: Once we’ve confirmed an appointment, read the detailed instructions you’ll get from Rose.

6: Arrive a few minutes early, let me know you’re nearby, and follow the directions I send you.

7: Make sure you’ve counted out the correct fee ahead of time – Leave it on my counter when you arrive. I’ll ignore it until we’re done.

8: Enjoy yourself. Make your desires known and we will find a happy middle ground.

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Slow Days

“I can only be so busy before I go bonkers. I can’t fake enthusiasm; I’m a shit improvisational actor and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some incredible pros can greet their fourth client with a big smile but I’d have trouble mustering it for the second in a day without being in a particular mood. I love this whole industry, I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I’m with clients. I don’t ever want to lose that. In order to never lose it, I have to keep my schedule low.”

I wrote this on a nice hobby board the other day, in the context of a thread about rate setting. I find it irritatingly ironic that while writing about how important it is to keep my schedule reasonably clear, my schedule was, in face, waaaaay too clear.

It turns out, and I didn’t know this until just recently, that I go just as bonkers if I’m not busy enough.

A normal week for me is one massage and one bed session per day. Everyone is different so I get to let myself go with people I know well, stay clear and present for individuals struggling with their sensuality, I get to absolutely give and absolutely receive, often in the same week, sometimes in the same day. It’s magical.

When I have a light week, I take it as a pleasant surprise and use the time to recharge, work on a side project, wander around outside, etc. When I have a slightly busier week, I revel in it, soaking it up and looking forward to the inevitable ebb. I can keep my weeks from getting too busy by declining to meet potential suitors and I can even them out when we all plan ahead, but there’s only so much I can do to keep my weeks busy enough.

I send my newsletter and try to make it simple and efficient to schedule with me, I have an assistant to help with prompt and thorough replies, and I try to advertise in enough places that delightful boys know and remember who I am. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been very effective lately!

Over the course of twelve empty days, I rearranged my furniture, re-re-redesigned my website, tried and failed at sexy film clip making, renewed my advertising on all relevant websites, figured out how to move bitcoin from here to there, and tried to convert some foreign currency to US. I created an intuitive autoresponder to manage texts (situational), helped a friend get some of her business goals off the ground, planned and canceled a weekend trip, and started taking pilates. I read four books, wrote a dozen pages, baked, filled, and ate a batch of mini cream puffs, drank an entire bottle of champagne in the middle of the day and then sobered up again, and knitted another hat. I’ve not been so bored for a very long time. And I didn’t even finish the hat.

I have a strong suspicion that it was due to Rose’s absence. She went on an incredible tropical trip and left me to manage my inbox for the longest stretch since we started working together. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but in this case it made the heart remember what a great debt it owes. Untethering myself from my phone and my computer was one of the best things I could have done for my mental and emotional health and it was never so clear as when I had to tie myself back down for two weeks.

Fortunately the weeks are over. Spring seems to be bringing a new vigor and with my incredibly efficient and patient and prompt assistant back, I can seize it the way I did before! Just writing that makes me sigh with relief.

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Oh Baby!

Some of you already know that I sometimes attend orgies. Sex parties, group humps, whatever. I’ve been to somewhere around six, I think, spread out over a few years and they’ve all been interesting. Until this most recent one, I’ve been the massage girl, showing up with oils and table, providing pleasurable respite from frantic fucking and generally encouraging boners and the like. It’s fun, if sometimes odd to be tethered to a piece of furniture, and each party has its own flavor.

This last time around, I fell in love at least five times.

With the station at the massage table occupied by a well loved colleague, I took the entire night to float free. I watched, I admired, I played with a lot of boobs, and I showed off my sleek curves to an appreciative audience.

In one room, a bearded boy lay back as his face and cock are lavished with attention while on the other bed, a similarly supine attendee enjoyed pussy on his face and cock simultaneously. I caught her eye as she rose and fell, working his shaft with her trim tight twat and we winked slyly at each other. I recognized ‘the look’ as someone’s tongue went into someone else’s ear and the receiver held their own tongue to keep the sexy rolling. I love these people.

Across the hall five lithe forms writhe in sexual straining, pussy on leg on mouth on ass as the feminine figures rocked each other to one giant multispasm-gasm. The nice boy watching with a look of utter longing earned his brownie points by keeping his cock occupied outside this momentary madame mosh.

Girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, all nude, thigh to thigh, discussing the finer points of constitutional law and the first amendment. I walk up leading him by his cock. I’m already looking forward to fucking it. Later. In private.

Her moans fill the small space as six hands butter her buns, knead her knees, and leave long, luxurious trails of coconut oil up her arms. “You’re miserable aren’t you?” we laugh. He looks like he’s in heaven, having watched his girl get satisfied all night and now taking his turn to deliver pleasure through pampering. A touching moment between a talented and enthusiastic provider and one of her ravishing regular clients.

Every time I walk past her she looks as though she’s about to eat me up. Dimples and dark hair, Jesus Christ on a cracker I want to let her but not here. I’d be too vulnerable. I want to worship her through my hands and then let her have her way with me.

His smile warms me. Why is it always the guys with the biggest piercings and the fiercest tattoos who are the teddy bears? Glints of silver enticing the eye down, no, further down, yes there.

She covers her mouth with one hand and the back of his head with the other. I can see her, even from here, showing him when to go harder, faster, slower, deeper. “Let it out!” I yell and the guttural noises, none of this plastic porn trumpeting but the kind of sounds that don’t do words, just sensations. What a champ. His beard is going to smell like her pussy for a week. I think that’s his intention.

Smoke in her eyes, fire in her hair, I finally lose the ‘who is the palest in the room’ contest. I don’t begrudge her the win. Lingerie to match the hair and the look of the predator about her. Whoever pulls her drawers out of the hat is a lucky man, indeed. Time for a trip to the freezing north. Not frigid. Far from it.

Gleefully degraded, he parades around on one end of a leash, the business end in the claws of a teensy brunette in mile high heels. She walks him around the room and commands him: “Ask her if you may spank her ass!” “Please miss, may I spank you?” “That’s not what I said. I said ask her if you may spank her ass!” a tiny crack, more sound than sensation as the crop strikes a pink cheek. “Please miss, may I spank your ass?” Later he lies back in a chair, sucking a giant fake cock as his own is dutifully administered to. He is in heaven.

I know him and I know he’s good. I’m analyzing the situation as I see it: He is fucking her firmly from behind and looking around for a cock for her to suck. Oh girl, I get it. The tip slipping past my lips, luscious silky smoothness across my tongue; there’s something so deeply focusing about sucking a cock that it’s the ultimate turn on. Well, I don’t have one of those, but I lay down under her, face to face, and tell her to kiss me. lips and tits and pretty, firm nipples will have to suffice. “Thank you” she breathes when she’s done.

Stemware in hand we admire the collection of silicone, glass, leather, and steel. Something is vibrating but we can’t tell what. I can’t believe this is my life.

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Double Standards

You may or may not have heard but the actor who used to play Barney in the popular children’s show is a male prostitute. Google “Barney sex work” to find dozens of articles thereof. I don’t have a problem, obviously, with people who offer sexual services for a fee. I think it’s healthy and fun and can be truly therapeutic if done carefully. I am happy for him and his clients and wish them well.

What angers me is that he is a ‘tantric sex therapist’ who insists on unprotected sex with his female only clients at 350$ per session and the only thing anyone is worried about is his past as the ambulatory force behind a giant purple kids entertainer. No one is calling him a victim of economic forces outside his control or brainwashed by the patriarchy to believe he’s consenting when actually he isn’t. He’s not getting slammed with jail time and called a scammer for operating his sex business like Tracy Elise and her temple. Were I to so openly advertise the exact same service, I would get thrown in jail.

I hate this double standard. Can we please just agree that there’s nothing inherently unethical about hiring out sexual skills for a generous wage? Can we please stop drawing lines between good sex work and bad sex work? Can we please just get the fuck over ourselves already!?!

 

Also, any client having unprotected sex with a sex worker should perhaps rethink their priorities. One of the reasons sex workers have a lower incidence of STIs than the laity is because, you guessed it, we don’t fuck clients bareback when we have the choice!