Do You See Women?
The short answer is yes, of course, anyone who wishes to spend their valuable time and hard earned money with me (and who treats me well) is welcome.
The long answer is “Yes, and…”
My pussy is straight. Kissing men gets me wet, having vaginal sex helps me orgasm, and my favorite flavor is blowjob. Biologically I am programmed to enjoy sex with penises and penis shaped objects. I’m very good at it and it brings me joy, pleasure, satisfaction, and a robust income.
I, however, am pansexual, or perhaps sapiosexual. I am fascinated by, curious about, and excited to touch and pleasure non-cis-gendered-male-people in a way that makes them feel safe and sexy. I am not as experienced with non-penis-owners but I’m getting more all the time and each new body is an exciting adventure. I’ve learned how to read the more hidden body language of the clitoris and to carefully interpret subtler facial expressions. I’m also aware, as a non-penis-owner myself, that there is a great deal of trust involved in receiving intimate touch from a relative stranger.
I have had gentlemen ask me if I could seduce their wife and pretend it was a random encounter. I have been asked to seduce people’s friends, girlfriends, wives, and every time I tell them no. I will not trick someone into having sex with me. Paying a sex worker to pretend she is just a pretty girl at a bar is a recipe for disaster when, not if, the victim finds out. I refuse to participate in any nonconsensual sex. Tricking someone into fucking me is not obtaining consent.
If, however, you two had a fantasy involving picking up a pretty girl at a bar and wanted to arrange the details ahead of time…
I have had folks ask if I would see their wives or girlfriends with them. To those wonderers: yes, but first we will meet without you for a massage and a chat. I want to check in with her without you present; the last thing any of us needs is a reluctant third in the mix. I also want to lavish her with sexy but non-demanding attention and to establish that she should expect more of the same when we are all together. As your professional third, everything I do will be for her. You’ll get what she wants me to give you and you’ll thank me for it later.
If you are an individual and you do not fit or identify with the above and you’re wondering if you can come see me: please, please do. Sensuality knows no shape or category. My hands are strong and gentle, my presence is warm and welcoming, my body is small and soft, and my heart is open. Perhaps you are struggling with dysmorphia or with your feminine sexual self after a history of shame or trauma, perhaps you need gender affirming touch leading up to or following surgery, maybe you just want a sexy massage that ends with some fun play time, or maybe you’re annoyed at all the pesky draping of a traditional massage and don’t mind checking out a pretty, naked girl while you get it.
Whatever brings you to my little corner of Seattle, rest assured you will have my full attention, my intuition, and a hefty discount.
So yes, I see women.
The Big Scary STD Post
We’re all concerned with our health and safety, right? I certainly hope we are. Well, here are some things I’ve learned when considering my health and safety that I’d like to share with you.
From the CDC website:
“Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are passed from one person to another through intimate physical contact – such as heavy petting – and from sexual activity including vaginal, oral, and anal sex. STDs are very common. In fact, CDC estimates 20 million new infections occur every year in the United States. STDs can mostly be prevented by not having sex. If you do have sex, you can lower your risk by using condoms and being in a sexual relationship with a partner who does not have an STD. STDs do not always cause symptoms, so it is possible to have an infection and not know it. That is why it is important to get tested if you are having sex. If you are diagnosed with an STD, know that all can be treated with medicine and some can be cured entirely.“ [My emphasis added]
In this post, I will list the most common sexually transmitted diseases or infections, their prevalence, and my transmission reduction strategies. No sex is completely, perfectly safe but there are measures I take to significantly reduce the chances of myself contracting or unknowingly passing on STDs. My top two strategies are 100% condom usage for all genital-to-genital contact and a constant eye on cleanliness. I wash my body with soap before and after each encounter to remove as much sloughing skin as possible (carriers of HSV and HPV, among others), I use gloves for giving anal simulation, I rinse my mouth with alcohol based mouthwash after giving oral sex, I cover any cuts or scrapes with a waterproof barrier, and I keep linens and surfaces in my incall clean and regularly disinfected.
Where appropriate, I will mention other additional transmission reduction strategies.
HSV – Herpes
“Nationwide, 15.7 % of persons aged 14 to 49 years have HSV-2 infection2, however, the prevalence of genital herpes infection is higher than that because an increasing number of genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1
Infections are transmitted through contact with HSV in herpes lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. 5 HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be shed from normal-appearing oral or genital mucosa or skin. 7,8 Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during genital contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. However, receiving oral sex from a person with an oral HSV-1 infection can result in getting a genital HSV-1 infection. 2 Transmission commonly occurs from contact with an infected partner who does not have visible lesions and who may not know that he or she is infected. 7In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10.2% of days, compared to 20.1% of days among those with symptomatic infections. 8”
In addition to my standard reduction strategies: Prior to oral or genital contact, if I see anything that appears blister-like on or near your mouth or genitals, I’ll avoid contact with the area so keep that in mind when scheduling. This may mean no kissing, no giving or receiving of oral sex, or no sex at all. I will not give you your money back if you show up with a sore and we don’t have sex. I also specifically ask my doctor to order HSV tests with my routine checks as HSV is not on the standard STD panel.
A further transmission reduction strategy I do not employ is taking a daily antiviral medication. This method is used by anyone positive for the infection and helps prevent passing it on to an uninfected partner. Were I ever to contract HSV I would add this to my transmission reduction strategies. Should you find yourself positive for HSV I would take it as a great kindness if you would talk to your doctor about adding this to your daily multivitamin regime.
HPV (warts)
“79 million Americans, most in their late teens and early 20s, are infected with HPV
You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms.”
Pay REALLY close attention to this one, guys. It is safe to assume that every single provider you meet has come into contact with HPV and may be positive for one or more strains. You can’t test for HPV the way you can test for other STDs; it shows up on a pap smear as an irregular pap, or as warts, or as cancer. There are so many different strains that it’s simply not practical to find out about and all research is going into vaccines for a few strains.
Gentlemen: if you have daughters and you’d like to protect them from everything from embarrassment to death, please please please get them the vaccine before they are at risk of contracting it. The CDC recommends vaccinating as young as 9 years old, depending on the individual. No one wants to think of their nine year old as at risk for the kind of contact that exposes her to HPV but don’t dwell on it, just do it. This will protect her for her entire life; don’t let your discomfort keep you from protecting her, and don’t wait until you think she’s probably sexually active because, while it’s never too late to get vaccinated against everything we can, vaccines work best when you get them before exposure to the virus. My first likely exposure was around age 15 and I didn’t get the vaccine until 10 years later. Don’t let that happen.
As for you: wash your penis and the surrounding area thoroughly with soap both before and after your appointments This not only makes it nicer for your provider but helps wash off dead skin cells which is where the virus rubs off onto your partner. You’re looking to spend good time with any skin that comes into contact with hers: the base of your penis, balls, the surrounding area, probably inner thighs and up your belly depending on how wet she gets, and obviously your face. Also: If you’re going to manscape, the safest and easiest is not to shave but to trim close with an electric trimmer. I prefer about a half inch of fuzz to act as a cushion. I am extremely sensitive to stubble and razor burn compromises the skin, increasing the potential for transmission so simply be aware. If you cut yourself shaving, wait until it heals over to see anyone.
Chlamydia
“Any sexually active person can be infected with chlamydia. It is a very common STD, especially among young people.3 It is estimated that 1 in 20 sexually active young women aged 14-24 years has chlamydia.5
Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis, vagina, mouth, or anus of an infected partner. Ejaculation does not have to occur for chlamydia to be transmitted or acquired.”Gonorhea
“In 2016, 468,514 cases of gonorrhea were reported to CDC.
Gonorrhea is transmitted through sexual contact with the penis, vagina, mouth, or anus of an infected partner.”Syphillis
“You can get syphilis by direct contact with a syphilis sore during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. You can find sores on or around the penis, vagina, or anus, or in the rectum, on the lips, or in the mouth.”
Chlamydia, Ghonnorhea, and Syphillis are all serious but treatable. Signs and symptoms may include rashes, pain with urination, bad smell, and more but the best and only way to know if you have one of the above is to get tested. Testing is simple, easy, and at Planned Parenthood it’s not expensive. You as a client should be getting tested yearly; please do not lean 100% on your provider to manage your sexual health. My transmission and harm reduction strategy, as with other STDs, is cleanliness and barriers. There are reports of an antibiotic resistant Ghonorrhea in the UK which, due to the globalization of our world, may not stay there. Until I start hearing reports of it closer to home I still choose not to use barriers with oral sex but I am happy to oblige anyone who requests them and can refer you to colleagues who do as part of their routine practices.
HIV
CDC does not cite prevalence statistics
“You can get HIV from anal or vaginal sex or blood to blood contact such as shared needles. The presence of other STDs can increase the risks of passing HIV to sex partners and can also suggest the presence of other risk factors.”Hepatitis C
“HCV infection is the most common chronic bloodborne infection in the United States, with an estimated 2.7 million persons living with chronic infection (222). HCV is not efficiently transmitted through sex (170, 223).”
HIV and Hep C are blood-borne pathogens. My additional transmission reduction strategy for both is to avoid things like tooth-brushing or eating scratchy foods right before an appointment and covering cracks or cuts on my hands with a liquid bandage. Also not being an IV drug user or a member of a health profession that comes into contact with blood helps me avoid possible direct contact with infected blood. If you want really detailed info on blood barriers and such, ask Mistress Matisse. She cuts people up all the time and does it safely so I’ll leave her with that. As for me, I simply try to avoid it as best as I can and use medical exam gloves any time I might be exposed to it.
For anyone positive for HepC or HIV, there are antiretrovirals that decrease the viral load to virtually zero, making the incidence of transmission low enough to be worth the risk for most. For anyone likely to encounter HIV, there is a series of pills (I’m pretty sure it’s pills but I could be wrong) that you can take before (pre-Exposure Prophylaxis or PrEP) or after (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis or PEP) your potential exposure to infected blood or sexual fluids. I know a few providers who are on it regularly, others who take it the weeks leading up to and following porn shoots, and have a few friends who take it because they are in love with an HIV+ person.
As an economically privileged woman who has sex with men, does not use IV drugs, and who uses condoms properly with each sex act, I am in a low risk category for HIV but it’s a high consequence risk so I take it seriously. I have chosen not to take PReP or PEP due to the side effects but you are welcome to ask your doctor.
Trich (this one is new to me – I’ve never even heard of it until this post)
“Trichomoniasis is the most common curable STD. In the United States, an estimated 3.7 million people have the infection. However, only about 30% develop any symptoms of trichomoniasis. Infection is more common in women than in men.
The parasite passes from an infected person to an uninfected person during sex. In women, the most commonly infected part of the body is the lower genital tract (vulva, vagina, cervix, or urethra). In men, the most commonly infected body part is the inside of the penis (urethra). During sex, the parasite usually spreads from a penis to a vagina, or from a vagina to a penis. It can also spread from a vagina to another vagina. It is not common for the parasite to infect other body parts, like the hands, mouth, or anus.”BV (Bacterial Vaginosis)
“Bacterial vaginosis is the most common vaginal infection in women ages 15-44.
Researchers do not know the cause of BV or how some women get it. We do know that the infection typically occurs in sexually active women.”Trich and BV aren’t something you’ll likely get as a penis-owner and fall into the yeast and Urinary Tract infections category: Annoying, uncomfortable, serious if not treated, but easily done away with for most. You can help me avoid suffering from these by keeping your hands and face either soft and clean or away from my pussy. Condoms provide a great deal of protection from what’s on and around your penis but it’s nice if that’s reasonably clean, too.
Other Information:
You may see claims that the prevalence of STDs is higher in sex work populations. Nearly every study in the US of sex workers does not include indoor sex workers in their sample group but instead focuses primarily or exclusively on street based sex workers. While I consider Street based sex workers my sisters, they are very often associated with high risk factors such as poverty, drug use, abusive relationships, undernutrition, and a high incidence of unprotected vaginal or anal sex. These are far more indicative risk factors than whether or not someone accepts items of value in exchange. Note that there is a fascinating subset of providers who choose to work as street based sex workers but avoid the attendant risk factors so, as with all things, never assume.
We know that every sex worker working in the legal brothels of Nevada is STD free because weekly testing is in their contract. We also know that in Australia where sex work is decriminalized in most states, “Currently, there is no evidence that sex workers in Australia have higher rates of STIs than the general population.” The same page from the Australian Sexual Health Alliance states, as I said earlier, “High priority groups include street based sex workers, sex workers who inject drugs, culturally and linguistically diverse sex workers, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander sex workers and male and transgender sex workers.“ Though in the US you might replace “Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander sex workers” with “sex workers of color or native descent” in the United States.
So what do we know? Well, we know that we are in a higher risk category to contract the more common sexually transmitted infections due to our higher incidence of sexual contact. We also know that as religious and informed users of carefully selected and properly stored condoms we are in a low-risk category. We know that we are in lower risk categories also due to our avoidance of IV drug use, our avoidance of drug and heavy alcohol use during sexual encounters, and our regular testing routines.
One of the reasons that young people and people in marginalized communities are at higher risks for STDs is that they are often under pressure to have unprotected sex or participate in other risky activities. If you’re drunk when you bang and the condom breaks, you’re a lot less likely to notice. If you’re young and inexperienced, you’re a lot more likely to give in to someone asking for unprotected sex. If you’re certain that you’ll notice if you get an STD so you avoid testing, you’re more likely to have an unnoticed infection.
So what do we do now? I get tested every three months; you should get tested every year simply because you’re having sex with me and I have sex with other people. You should absolutely get tested every year if you’re seeing providers as well as me and you should get tested at least twice yearly if you’re on tinder, Grindr, or other hookup sites and see new sexual partners in less informed demographics. You can have an STD and not know it. Your provider can have an STD and not know it. Knowledge is power; don’t give it away because you’re lazy.
This isn’t to scare you, it’s to remind you. I want us to have the safest sex we can reasonably have because I fucking love sex when I’m not anxious. If I’m concerned that you’re not committed to safer sex practices, I’ll be much less able to relax. One of the sexiest things you can possibly do is check the condom to make sure it’s in place and unbroken. (You don’t have to as I’m on top of it but it is reassuring.)
Side note: this isn’t a hint. I’m not slyly suggesting that I caught something and you should check for it, this is just something I think about a lot and felt like it would be useful to share.
All my STD statistics and about quotes are from the CDC STD info sheets at https://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm. The quote about sex workers in Australia is from http://www.sti.guidelines.org.au/populations-and-situations/sex-workers#testing-advice.
Thank you and happy humping!!
Same Day Experiements
I’m always experimenting with what things work for me. What to do, how long to do it, etc. Over the last couple of months I experimented with making myself terribly available for same-day get togethers. Very little has contributed to my discontent like making myself available for same-day appointments.
The problem with same-day appointments is two fold. The first problem is when they don’t materialize. When I try to ‘treat this like a business’ and hold some kind of office hours, I do a pretty good job of keeping myself occupied. In some ways it’s been good for me. I meditate (or try to), read, write, and constantly revamp my website. I keep my advertising current and keep trying to make Rose’s life easier but failing ha! But there is nothing quite like wanting to do something else and feeling guilty about it because I’m supposed to be a professional.
The converse is when I say fuck it and do what I wanted to, only to find that, had I been around, I could have gotten laid! My eternal frustration is being unable to have sex because the person who wanted to have sex with me didn’t let me know before I went to bed, so I woke up without enough time to do so. Or committing myself to a social engagement or volunteer opportunity because otherwise I’d have been bored at the office only to find out that if I’d been at the office I could have gotten busy with you.
I tried it, and it didn’t work. I tried taking the same bus and holding the same hours and having a regular gig only to find that it doesn’t work the way I want it to. It doesn’t support my happiness and well being. I either get frustrated at the wasted potential of an empty day or frustrated by the disappointment of realizing in close order that I could have been busy but can’t.
So I’m ending my experiment. It’s an absolutely gorgeous spring so far and I’m going to go love it. You should, too. And when you see a potential clear spot in your schedule, say something right away so I have enough time to get where I need to be for us. I understand not wanting to pester me with a teaser that never comes to fruition, I appreciate the consideration, but there’s a very easy way to solve that problem: send a good faith tip.
The next time you see a potential spot in your schedule late the same day or early the next morning but you’re not sure you’ll actually get it, let me know. I’ll let you know if it’s possible on my end (a lot of times just checking my calendar will tell you if I can or not but check anyway) and you can send me 100$. I’ll make myself available for up to a two hour appointment at the time you think you might have. If it doesn’t work on your end, you’ve compensated me for my efforts and if it does work, you won’t need as much from the ATM.
I know that a few of you have been in this spot and it’s frustrating on all sides. This is how to make it work for me.
New Guy
I’m new
Ok, that’s fine. Just send over your references…
No, like really new.
Oh, right. OK, well fill out my screening form on my contact page and…
No, I mean I’m really, really new to this.
…Ooooooh. Wow. Ok take a seat.
If you’re not only new to seeing professionals but you’re new to this whole girls thing in general, there are some things for you to know.
First: Relax. I know that’s not very helpful, but I promise you’ll have a better time if you give yourself time to breath, read everything available to you, follow the click trails, and let yourself sleep on it. When you’re going to your first appointment, arrive a little early so you can take a few breaths. Book 90 minutes so you’re not rushed and have time to ask questions.
Second: we all have different ways of doing things so whatever I say here is overridden by anything your provider says on their website or in their ads.
If you’re looking to lose your virginity with a professional, know that it’s going to be different than with a girlfriend. It’s not guaranteed to be good, or even great, and it certainly won’t be unprotected. There are limitations within this world and navigating the emotional aftermath of sex isn’t always simple.
Ideally, you’ll have found someone nice who is willing to take her time and help you get what you want. You’ll have gotten over that first experience, realized that sex is both under-appreciated and overrated by turns, learned a little about how two bodies work together, and can either return to your provider to learn more or move out into the world with a little confidence under your belt.
There are two ways your first time could go wrong. If your provider isn’t who you thought they’d be or isn’t willing to hug or kiss or cuddle or give you any feedback, you may end up with an isolated, uncomfortable, unsatisfying experience and no context to frame it in. It could make you feel worse, not better. The other way it can go wrong is if your provider is awesome and the lines between emotional connection and sexual satisfaction start to blur.
Both of these problems can often be resolved by finding another, equally awesome provider to either help you experience good sex or to take your focus off the first one.
So how do you even find one of these nice girls? The one who will help you experience pleasure and sex without short changing you or disappointing you? If you’re in Seattle, come find me, Sofina, or Alice. If you’re anywhere else and you can’t afford to fly me to you, look for providers you have something in common with. Many of us have websites with about me pages where we talk about what books we like, what shows we watch, what our hobbies and interests are, and whatever little tidbits we can think of and are willing to share. It’s increasingly common to see providers on twitter, being cute and showing personalities.
Let go of any preconceived ideas of what you want. I’m sure you’d love to hook up with that statuesque blonde but what if the tiny brunette in the corner is going to adore you the way you’ve always wanted? You can see the blonde later. Right now you’re searching for a vibe, not a look.
There aren’t any hard and fast keywords to search for, either. Plenty of folks who advertise as ‘unrushed’ kick you out the moment you’ve come. There’s a list of acronyms to pick and choose from but not everyone agrees on every thing so even that’s not foolproof. If you want this to feel beautiful and special, doing your homework helps.
Doing your homework looks like reading a bunch. Follow any links your provider has on their website and investigate a little. At http://divinadaemon.com/1209-2/ I wrote up a list of advertising sites for the Seattle area specifically but several of them are national or global so they’re a good place to start.
Never sign up for anything related to this industry with an email address you use for work or that has your name in it. You may be asked to screen using your name, that’s fine, but don’t just leave it sitting around for any subpoena to catch. Have your provider delete your information after they’ve seen you and/or use encrypted methods to communicate it. A lot of folks are using proton mail these days.
So you’ve looked around, followed her on twitter, seen some cute pictures, and think you’re ready to take the plunge. Now what? I have forms on my website that walk you through whichever screening method you’re comfortable with. I’ve upgraded them so they’re encrypted and all my email addresses are as well. It should be simple to click through the steps and initiate screening. Once my assistant has done a light online screening (checking blacklists, quick google searches, verifying employment, etc) she will email you with the go-ahead for scheduling.
I have another form for that, also simple and straightforward, that asks for exactly the information I need to reserve time for us.
I usually suggest bodywork for our first meeting. First of all, it’s less expensive so if you end up changing your mind you’re not out to the same degree you might have been. Second, if you’ve never kissed, touched, fondled, or made love, this will all be a little overwhelming. It’s likely you’ll be nervous and you can only do so much in 90 minutes. With the tablework, some of your time is face down. By limiting your visual input, it’s easier to enjoy the other senses. And finally, it’s low pressure on you. Those jangling nerves can have weird effects; some people can’t maintain erections, others only have them a few moments before they’re done and gone. If we’re focused entirely on you, there’s no pressure or disappointment. As an added bonus, I’m a very good masseuse so if all else goes to shit at lest you’ll get a nice massage out of it, haha!
If you opt to go big or go home, that’s fine, too, it just means we won’t quite know each other that well yet and we might be a little awkward at first 😉
When you’re getting ready for your first full service appointment, shower thoroughly before you show up. That means you’ll have to touch your butthole with your soapy hand and if you have a foreskin it might mean pulling it back to expose your head to rinse it. I don’t recommend applying soap to skin that would normally be covered by a foreskin but rinse it thoroughly. I do the same with everything covered by my outer labia: rinse well but do not apply soap. Soap does, however, go on the butt, the outer labia, and for you, the balls and perineum (the bit between balls and butt). Not everyone manages this. There’s nothing quite like stinky junk to prevent that amazing blowjob from happening.
File your nails and trim your cuticles. Don’t cut your nails, file them. Check your mouth, hands, and genitals for any cuts, scrapes, sores, or wounds. Yes, that means that bleeding hangnail and the dry skin cracks if they get too deep. If you have any, cover them. This might mean using gloves or a dental dam when pleasuring her or it might mean applying a liquid or fabric bandaid.
If you’re going to manscape, trim, don’t shave, and certainly don’t shave right before as you’ll have micro wounds from the razor. Also, no one likes prickly stubble grinding up on their sensitive bits so it’s best to either wax or trim, not shave.
Same with brushing and flossing: Floss the night before, brush the morning of, mouthwash upon arrival. Bristles cause micro wounds that can increase the risks of passing on bugs.
Ah, the envelope. So many people worry about the envelope. I’m not terribly picky about what you put my fee in, as long as it’s correct and present. I prefer you put it down somewhere obvious: a countertop or some such, and usually I ignore it until we’re done. With new clients sometimes I will make a point of checking to make sure we’re all on the same page, but it’s rarely a problem. The standard method is a plain, unmarked white envelope, unsealed so it’s easy to open and also reusable. Alternative methods are inside a thank you card or inside a gift bag with a gift. I’m always chuffed to get a new book that has a few extra leaves in it. When in doubt, leave it out, in plain sight, and don’t mention it. The rate should be very clear beforehand, either agreed upon over email or clearly listed on her website.
How to ask about rates? That’s a tricky one because everyone feels differently. What if the thing you want is included in the lower rate and you didn’t know that or they only have one rate and you’re not sure you’ll get to do the thing you want to do within that rate? This is one of the most relevant reasons for you, clients, to be fighting for decriminalization. By telling you what you will or won’t do, your provider is incriminating you both. It’s the number one method, and the only method useful in court, for busting providers and clients. It’s frustrating as hell and it’s why nearly no one will actually tell you whether they’ll kiss you or not. It’s how shady folks hide and how honest and open folks get arrested. The short answer is: you don’t get to ask about her rates and services because if you do, and she tells you, and you’re a vice officer, she’s screwed, and not in the fun way. You should, unfortunately, be suspicious of anyone who offers you a menu or rate structure that outlines services. Don’t ask, don’t tell, and I hope it gets repealed, ha!
However, once both of you have met once or twice, you are now allowed to make inquiries. Some ladies are ok with simple question and answer. I find it most helpful when I hear “I’ve always wondered about XYZ. Have you done it before? How was it?” Now I know that it’s on your radar. If I’m down, we go for it. If I’m not but I know someone who is, I’ll suggest you go see her (and if I know her well enough I can even give her a heads up). Until then, you just have to go with the flow.
Generally, with 90 minutes, I try to spend a lot of time kissing and hugging, undressing each other, letting you look at me… that’s a big one. It’s rare that guys get the chance to really just stare at a woman, much less a real life naked one, without shame. All these firsts just keep rocking through you, not giving you much chance to reflect and process. I try to give us time for that. I’ll give you pointers and feedback and do my best to read your face for signs of ecstasy or fear or anything in between. If I don’t feel that you’re ready, I won’t push you into it.
What now? Sex is pretty great, isn’t it? I know there are limitations in emotional connection and in sensitivity, but it’s still great and now it’s not some mysterious unknown. If you decide that’s all you needed, I hope it helps and I hope your future lovers appreciate how careful you were with yourself and your sexuality. If you decide to come back enough times to learn how to read a sexual situation, how to establish boundaries with new partners, and how to listen to your partner’s body, then I hope I’m up to the task. If you decide this is it, you’re just gonna stick with ladies of the evening for the foreseeable future, I’m happy to welcome you into my world and help you establish a pleasurable and robust community experience.
For the bullet-pointed among us: here’s the quick and dirty how-to.
New client step-by step instructions:
1: Read my FAQ page in full www.amiepetite.com/FAQ
2: Fill out my screening form. Feel free to follow up if you have questions AFTER you’ve filled it out. https://form.jotform.com/71645582884166
3: After getting the go-ahead from Rose, check my calendar against yours and find a time we’re both available. www.amiepetite.com/calendar-and-rates
4: Fill out my appointment request form. https://form.jotform.com/71647421484156
5: Once we’ve confirmed an appointment, read the detailed instructions you’ll get from Rose.
6: Arrive a few minutes early, let me know you’re nearby, and follow the directions I send you.
7: Make sure you’ve counted out the correct fee ahead of time – Leave it on my counter when you arrive. I’ll ignore it until we’re done.
8: Enjoy yourself. Make your desires known and we will find a happy middle ground.
Slow Days
“I can only be so busy before I go bonkers. I can’t fake enthusiasm; I’m a shit improvisational actor and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some incredible pros can greet their fourth client with a big smile but I’d have trouble mustering it for the second in a day without being in a particular mood. I love this whole industry, I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I’m with clients. I don’t ever want to lose that. In order to never lose it, I have to keep my schedule low.”
I wrote this on a nice hobby board the other day, in the context of a thread about rate setting. I find it irritatingly ironic that while writing about how important it is to keep my schedule reasonably clear, my schedule was, in face, waaaaay too clear.
It turns out, and I didn’t know this until just recently, that I go just as bonkers if I’m not busy enough.
A normal week for me is one massage and one bed session per day. Everyone is different so I get to let myself go with people I know well, stay clear and present for individuals struggling with their sensuality, I get to absolutely give and absolutely receive, often in the same week, sometimes in the same day. It’s magical.
When I have a light week, I take it as a pleasant surprise and use the time to recharge, work on a side project, wander around outside, etc. When I have a slightly busier week, I revel in it, soaking it up and looking forward to the inevitable ebb. I can keep my weeks from getting too busy by declining to meet potential suitors and I can even them out when we all plan ahead, but there’s only so much I can do to keep my weeks busy enough.
I send my newsletter and try to make it simple and efficient to schedule with me, I have an assistant to help with prompt and thorough replies, and I try to advertise in enough places that delightful boys know and remember who I am. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been very effective lately!
Over the course of twelve empty days, I rearranged my furniture, re-re-redesigned my website, tried and failed at sexy film clip making, renewed my advertising on all relevant websites, figured out how to move bitcoin from here to there, and tried to convert some foreign currency to US. I created an intuitive autoresponder to manage texts (situational), helped a friend get some of her business goals off the ground, planned and canceled a weekend trip, and started taking pilates. I read four books, wrote a dozen pages, baked, filled, and ate a batch of mini cream puffs, drank an entire bottle of champagne in the middle of the day and then sobered up again, and knitted another hat. I’ve not been so bored for a very long time. And I didn’t even finish the hat.
I have a strong suspicion that it was due to Rose’s absence. She went on an incredible tropical trip and left me to manage my inbox for the longest stretch since we started working together. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but in this case it made the heart remember what a great debt it owes. Untethering myself from my phone and my computer was one of the best things I could have done for my mental and emotional health and it was never so clear as when I had to tie myself back down for two weeks.
Fortunately the weeks are over. Spring seems to be bringing a new vigor and with my incredibly efficient and patient and prompt assistant back, I can seize it the way I did before! Just writing that makes me sigh with relief.
Oh Baby!
Some of you already know that I sometimes attend orgies. Sex parties, group humps, whatever. I’ve been to somewhere around six, I think, spread out over a few years and they’ve all been interesting. Until this most recent one, I’ve been the massage girl, showing up with oils and table, providing pleasurable respite from frantic fucking and generally encouraging boners and the like. It’s fun, if sometimes odd to be tethered to a piece of furniture, and each party has its own flavor.
This last time around, I fell in love at least five times.
With the station at the massage table occupied by a well loved colleague, I took the entire night to float free. I watched, I admired, I played with a lot of boobs, and I showed off my sleek curves to an appreciative audience.
In one room, a bearded boy lay back as his face and cock are lavished with attention while on the other bed, a similarly supine attendee enjoyed pussy on his face and cock simultaneously. I caught her eye as she rose and fell, working his shaft with her trim tight twat and we winked slyly at each other. I recognized ‘the look’ as someone’s tongue went into someone else’s ear and the receiver held their own tongue to keep the sexy rolling. I love these people.
Across the hall five lithe forms writhe in sexual straining, pussy on leg on mouth on ass as the feminine figures rocked each other to one giant multispasm-gasm. The nice boy watching with a look of utter longing earned his brownie points by keeping his cock occupied outside this momentary madame mosh.
Girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, all nude, thigh to thigh, discussing the finer points of constitutional law and the first amendment. I walk up leading him by his cock. I’m already looking forward to fucking it. Later. In private.
Her moans fill the small space as six hands butter her buns, knead her knees, and leave long, luxurious trails of coconut oil up her arms. “You’re miserable aren’t you?” we laugh. He looks like he’s in heaven, having watched his girl get satisfied all night and now taking his turn to deliver pleasure through pampering. A touching moment between a talented and enthusiastic provider and one of her ravishing regular clients.
Every time I walk past her she looks as though she’s about to eat me up. Dimples and dark hair, Jesus Christ on a cracker I want to let her but not here. I’d be too vulnerable. I want to worship her through my hands and then let her have her way with me.
His smile warms me. Why is it always the guys with the biggest piercings and the fiercest tattoos who are the teddy bears? Glints of silver enticing the eye down, no, further down, yes there.
She covers her mouth with one hand and the back of his head with the other. I can see her, even from here, showing him when to go harder, faster, slower, deeper. “Let it out!” I yell and the guttural noises, none of this plastic porn trumpeting but the kind of sounds that don’t do words, just sensations. What a champ. His beard is going to smell like her pussy for a week. I think that’s his intention.
Smoke in her eyes, fire in her hair, I finally lose the ‘who is the palest in the room’ contest. I don’t begrudge her the win. Lingerie to match the hair and the look of the predator about her. Whoever pulls her drawers out of the hat is a lucky man, indeed. Time for a trip to the freezing north. Not frigid. Far from it.
Gleefully degraded, he parades around on one end of a leash, the business end in the claws of a teensy brunette in mile high heels. She walks him around the room and commands him: “Ask her if you may spank her ass!” “Please miss, may I spank you?” “That’s not what I said. I said ask her if you may spank her ass!” a tiny crack, more sound than sensation as the crop strikes a pink cheek. “Please miss, may I spank your ass?” Later he lies back in a chair, sucking a giant fake cock as his own is dutifully administered to. He is in heaven.
I know him and I know he’s good. I’m analyzing the situation as I see it: He is fucking her firmly from behind and looking around for a cock for her to suck. Oh girl, I get it. The tip slipping past my lips, luscious silky smoothness across my tongue; there’s something so deeply focusing about sucking a cock that it’s the ultimate turn on. Well, I don’t have one of those, but I lay down under her, face to face, and tell her to kiss me. lips and tits and pretty, firm nipples will have to suffice. “Thank you” she breathes when she’s done.
Stemware in hand we admire the collection of silicone, glass, leather, and steel. Something is vibrating but we can’t tell what. I can’t believe this is my life.
Double Standards
You may or may not have heard but the actor who used to play Barney in the popular children’s show is a male prostitute. Google “Barney sex work” to find dozens of articles thereof. I don’t have a problem, obviously, with people who offer sexual services for a fee. I think it’s healthy and fun and can be truly therapeutic if done carefully. I am happy for him and his clients and wish them well.
What angers me is that he is a ‘tantric sex therapist’ who insists on unprotected sex with his female only clients at 350$ per session and the only thing anyone is worried about is his past as the ambulatory force behind a giant purple kids entertainer. No one is calling him a victim of economic forces outside his control or brainwashed by the patriarchy to believe he’s consenting when actually he isn’t. He’s not getting slammed with jail time and called a scammer for operating his sex business like Tracy Elise and her temple. Were I to so openly advertise the exact same service, I would get thrown in jail.
I hate this double standard. Can we please just agree that there’s nothing inherently unethical about hiring out sexual skills for a generous wage? Can we please stop drawing lines between good sex work and bad sex work? Can we please just get the fuck over ourselves already!?!
Also, any client having unprotected sex with a sex worker should perhaps rethink their priorities. One of the reasons sex workers have a lower incidence of STIs than the laity is because, you guessed it, we don’t fuck clients bareback when we have the choice!
Cuddles
I’ve been hearing about cuddle parties for a while now. There’s a decent amount of crossover between all the touch communities but I don’t often hop the lines. I don’t get too deep into kink or poly but I’m familiar with them and same with cuddle parties. As part of some background research I’m doing, I tried it out.
They are careful to keep confidentiality so the facilitator does remind us to talk not about what other people do or say but about our own experience and response. Telling my experience will include outlining behavior and impressions of others but I’ll be vague. I hope that’s not too frustrating.
I did have some expectations going in. Since I know a facilitator, I have heard some of the more helpful catchphrases and principles and since I read the website thoroughly, I knew what the rules were and kind of had an idea of the kinds of people I would meet. I was, as always, open to surprises.
When you first arrive, they show you around the space, in this case a private home, give you a chance to change clothes into full coverage, flexible, preferably not form fitting clothes, and let everyone kind of mingle. A few folks have been to parties before, one or two of them have been to many many parties, and about half are new or within their first few. We’re all a little awkward, even me. We chat a little and when the time comes, the facilitator goes over the rules. She goes in depth, making sure there can be no misunderstandings, and we do a few exercises.
First, we ask to kiss each other. You turn to the person next to you and ask them if you can kiss them. They reply “no.” Not “I dunno”, not “maybe”, not “no way”, not “gross”, and not “yes”, no matter how much they’d like to. One of the core concepts and the most helpful catchphrase from a cuddle party is “no is a complete sentence.” That may not sound revolutionary on the surface but there are hundreds of people across this country who can’t look someone in the eye and say, simply, “no.”
They also talk about how ‘no’ is useful information. It tells the hearer that they need to ask for or try something else or, if they hear it often enough, that they may want to try with someone else.
And they remind us that we can change our minds at any time. We may think we want to say ‘yes’ but when we get what we agreed to, find it isn’t to our liking. Or perhaps it’s good for a while, then isn’t anymore. That happens to me all the time and I try to let you lovely boys know when it happens. It means staying in touch with ourselves which isn’t always easy but it’s lovely when it happens.
My experience was useful but not one I’ll repeat. After the reading of the rules, we kind of pair off, much like the naughty parties I like to go to. Except instead of making out and banging, we snuggle. My usual role is caretaker so I made a conscious effort to ask to be taken care of. I asked for a simple shoulder rub, just nice thumbs into my rhomboids, a little muscle rolling over the upper traps, maybe some kneading down my back but nothing fancy. I should have known better.
It started ok but my partner got bored quickly and roamed around to places where their inexperienced hands weren’t delivering effective touch. They attempted a stretch but had no idea how to deliver a deep, pleasant one so it was lots of weird bouncing and my whole body got confused. I was sitting cross legged and I thought I might prefer to lay on my tummy so I interrupted and asked to change. My ‘cuddle’ partner immediately straddled my hips and got to work. It was a little more relaxing but also more uncomfortably sexual than I was prepared for. It’s difficult to tolerate mediocre massage when I know how much better it can be. When it’s slower, in rhythm with your breath, deep and rhythmic and satisfying instead of nervous and frantic. Then small talk leads to the inevitable: “I’m interested in learning tantric massage.” Sigh.
While tantra is a life discipline of existing in your body in the moment, people who don’t know anything about tantra think it’s about having better sex. Not a topic I was interested in covering then and there. Realizing that I legitimately would enjoy myself better in the teaching role, I asked to switch places, gave them a few pointers, then left to find a less sexually charged partner.
I ended up snuggling comfortably and chatting safe topics for a while, deliberately censoring myself and my stories to avoid sexual topics (not easy for me, haha). That said, I think it’s become an instinct for me to be the perfect girlfriend for the moment. When I eventually left I felt sadness, like this was a bandaid we had applied to my cuddle buddy’s emotional pain and my departure ripped it right off again.
The others, though… I noticed by watching that in general, the women were nurturing, satiating their desire for non sexual loving touch by giving, long, sumptuous, sacred strokes on the arms and chests and backs of the boys. The men were in heaven, enjoying totally safe touch, freely given with love and affection, without pressure to achieve any goal. One in particular looked like he hadn’t been so happy in months and given the long luxurious touch he was getting I don’t blame him.
I felt very much like I was working. I love, love, love what I do. I truly believe it is valuable and useful when done right. I think loving touch, freely given, is a joy and a treat and helps us return to the world better people. I absolutely understand why these women attend these events and lavish their affection on strangers. It feeds the soul and I am so glad it’s available.
I’m also glad that I get to do it in the privacy of my apartment with individuals who are free to express their sexuality as well. While the structured, nonsexual setting was perfect for many attendees, it wasn’t for me. Knowing that I passed up the chance to share time with two phenomenal beloved clients to attend this event didn’t make me happy and I won’t make that choice again.
Recommended?
For my occasional female identified/gender fluid readers: there are women only cuddle parties if that suits you better and you can always choose to cuddle only with those giving off female energy, I know I can only do that with my female-identified friends who give off a lot of male vibes but we all have different desires and attractions. It’s worth looking into if for no other reason than it is very good practice saying yes and saying no.
For my male/male-identified/whatever readers: I do encourage it as part of a broader self care routine. If you are in a life where you do not wish to leave your situation but also do not wish to live your life without loving touch freely given, this may be something beautiful to explore. It can also help those learning how to negotiate intimate boundaries. While there is no sexual activity here, it can help you get used to reading body language, asking permission, giving permission, and learning to love ‘no’.
I’m So Wet
Prelude: I’ve had a few conversations about this post and I’d like to make it clear that it isn’t the woods, it’s the intent behind them. A statement of awe and amazement holds thanks and admiration inherent, no matter the syntax. A statement of possessiveness over my body’s reactions is arrogant, even if it’s got all the right words. I see this again and again with male friends and with clients: the ones who worry the most whether they’re doing things well are the ones who inevitably already are. You guys are the best.
We providers hear a lot of good things about ourselves. We facilitate incredible sensations and provide an easy place to feel them. Our clients get to unburden their shame and sadness, rejoice in their proud erections, experience whole body pleasure, and we manage all this with a smile. Why wouldn’t our clients say nice things about us?
Well, sometimes those nice things don’t quite hit the mark. I had a conversation recently with one of my sweet regular clients about dirty talk. I told him about the difference in my mind between “you’re so wet” and “I love how wet you are.” I told him that it bothered me when someone who I might not even know very well tries to tell me something about my own body, as if I were unaware of it myself, and is sometimes even wrong! He laughed, a big belly laugh, and said “I guarantee I’ve said that to you!” and I, somewhat chagrined, tried to explain what I meant.
Most people wouldn’t make the distinction. Among those who do, the observation is just as sexy as the appreciation. For me, there is a stark distinction between an observation about my body and the implicit claim over it, and a statement of sexual appreciation implying thanks. It sounds arrogant to my ear but I feel it nonetheless: I give out my body’s authentic reactions, not you. I will say when my body’s reactions are your gift to me. I know that the effort and mental energy I put into getting turned on is real and I will let you know when you’ve done it for me. And I will thank you.
Outside of the bedroom, what little time we linger there, I have similar feelings about complements. We only truly believe complements that we already truly believe. If someone tells me they like the way my hair looks but I’m dissatisfied with it, it doesn’t read as an authentic complement. I may smile and say thank you, but it doesn’t stay.*
Vague complements also don’t stick. “You’re so sexy” may be true, but it lies right up there with “you’re so wet” on the internal eye-roll scale. You know what feels really good to hear? “The way you look, lounging there, makes me feel sexy. I want to kiss you.” First: you’re giving me information I don’t already have. Second: you’re letting me know that I moved you to a feeling I enjoy within myself and that gives me pride.
And there it is: a complement that moves me, tells me I’m doing a good job at facilitating your experience, makes me smile, makes me want to kiss you back.
Instead of “you’re awesome” I want to hear “you are really good at this.” Instead of “You’re so smart” I want to hear “I love reading your blog.” Instead of “you’re so wet” I want to hear “I love the way you taste.”
Because you’ll never quite know if I really am awesome, or smart, or wet so telling me that… it just doesn’t sit. But you do know, and I want you to tell me, that you feel safe, you feel smart, and you love the way I taste.
*This is the root of street harassment. When a complement doesn’t ring true or when we’re not in the mood to accept it, we don’t want it. When we don’t accept it and the giver gets upset, that is the turn from genuine complement to harassment.