Power Under You

Some have disparaged sex workers for “making money lying on their backs.” First, that kind of sounds like they make money by sleeping which sounds freaking awesome.

In reality they’re making an argument on power dynamics. It’s the idea of a woman debasing herself, permitting a client to exercise control over her very body, allowing him intimate access. The thing is, the only way this intimacy and access is repulsive is if it is absent consent. Those who look down on sex work look down on it because they imagine that anyone to whom they would deny consent is someone everyone would deny consent. They imagine themselves in this situation and feel revulsion, fear, a deep desire to maintain control and deny consent. What they fail to imagine is that someone else might not share those feelings. Funny, this seems to be the core of most conflicts.

I had the chance to sit across from Sierra Cirque for a while yesterday afternoon and we briefly lit on consent and power dynamics in a sub/Dom relationship. In a healthy relationship with that power dynamic, the submissive is the powerful partner. The submissive is the one who dictates what activities will and will not occur and has the power to stop all activity immediately. Those guidelines are outlined outside of the scene or play in order that the submissive may feel totally comfortable under the ministrations of the dominant partner. It means that, inside the scene, the submissive partner can totally surrender, relax, absorb the sensations, and enjoy the release from responsibility.

When you come to me and agree to lay nude on my table and let me touch you intimately, you are assuming the submissive role. We don’t generally sit and outline do’s and don’t’s because the activities we engage in are commonly understood but I do constantly monitor your body’s reactions and ask permission to proceed if you seem nervous or uncomfortable. You get to completely relax in the knowledge that I will only do to and with you things you want and I will do them very well. I am the dominant partner but truly you are in control.

In a full service capacity, the client is often the doer. You may passively receive oral but most other common sexual activity is done by the penetrating party to the penetrated party so a vanilla ‘GFE’ full service session involves the client in the dominant role and the provider in the submissive role. But as we saw before, the submissive is truly the one in control. The provider can deny consent to any activity at any time; all good clients, trustworthy dominants, will stop. The provider is NOT in a position of base subservience to the client, regardless of how it may appear from the outside. No one who has been in a healthy sexual relationship can mistake that dynamic.

While it does occur that clients will proceed despite revoked consent it is NOT common and the consequences can range from blacklisting to revenge to LE intervention, depending on the provider. When we screen, whether by name, references, or tone of voice, we are making sure that you are a trustworthy dominant, that when we say yellow you slow down and when we say red you will stop.

So while many sex workers spend a good deal of time in missionary position, we are far from helpless victims of evil men wishing to exercise complete control over our fragile feminine selves. I don’t know any of my sisters who hate the idea of ‘making money on their backs’ as long as it’s the correct amount as listed on her ad or website, haha.

In other news, Sierra Cirque is seriously a cool cat with an extraordinarily broad repertoire of sexual skills. If you’re looking for a tall slender brunette to do all sorts of fun, naughty, and possibly intense things to you, you should hook up. Www.sierracirque.com

A Day In The Life

I’ve been meaning to write this up for the other lady who uses my space so she knows exactly what and when to do when she comes in to entertain. So, say I have a one hour appointment at 11a; this is my day.

Wake up, usually naturally, sometime around 8:30 or nine. Make a cup of coffee, listen to the news, and throw some easy clothes on. The last bus I can catch leaves just after ten and gets me downtown by about 10:30. I practice my french on the ride and then enjoy a lovely walk through Freeway Park. When I arrive at my door, it’s been about half an hour since I left home and I’m only halfway ready.

I drop off my shoes by the door so I don’t track in the debris of the morning and then leave my satchel in a cupboard or the closet so it’s out of the way. I also immediately divest myself of all clothing, having worked up a bit of heat on the walk up the hill.

Now nude, I begin setup. The table comes out of the closet and gets unfolded, a layer of towels and padding goes on top, then the waterproof cover, then a pillow and a sheet and I make sure the various cushions and extras are easy to hand. The little crock pot gets plugged in and I make sure the coconut oil has time to melt and warm up. All this takes between ten and fifteen minutes.

After the table is set up I have fifteen minutes to shower, add makeup, and choose my wardrobe for the session (admittedly not very difficult, haha). If there are dishes to wash, laundry to start, mouthwash to refill, shelves to dust, vacuuming to do, linens to fold, shelves to install, stains to scrub, or any of the little things that constantly need doing, I fit them into the few spare minutes I have before you arrive.

Then you come in and I get to relax for an hour. You know what happens then 🙂

After you depart, the first thing I do is wash my hands and I’ll usually wash a dish or two while I’ve got soap in the sink. I check my phone for messages or updates, then strip the table, sanitize it and all points of contact including handles, the bottle of oil, and any cushions or pillows we used. After it all goes in the wash, I hop in the shower. Depending on whether I’m washing my hair or not that can take anywhere from two to twenty minutes. Then I strip the clean waterproof cover, towels, and other padding off the table, fold it back up, and put it away in the closet.

During all this I notice little things that need cleaning, for example toothpaste spots in the sink, wet dust in the shower, ‘sprinkles’ on the commode, handprints or oil rings on the kitchen counter, whatever little messes I’ve made, and clean them as I find them. It’s incredible the tiny things that accumulate quickly. Every day I notice water spots on the mirror and wipe them off, scum accumulating in the tub and I scrub it out, bits and pieces of leaves and I vacuum or pick them up, dust and I wipe it down, hand prints, book titles strewn about, blankets in the wrong place, and every day I try to remember to water my doomed and dying houseplant(s). For every appointment it takes about half an hour of cleaning up and preparation and for that first appointment of the day it takes another half our to get into town so I can even start to get ready.

At the end of the day I make sure laundry is folded or at least in the dryer, the table is clean and put away, fresh towels are where they need to be, the blinds are down for privacy, lights are off, everything is clean and dry and ready for the next day. I’m the last thing to get ready: clothes come back on, my daily needs go back into the satchel, and I do my last minute check that I have my bus pass, phone, keys, jacket, and anything else I need to take home.

***

Mistress Matisse tweeted a while back about cleaning sex toys with a tooth brush. One of our local social coordinators started a ladies’ forum that makes a joke out of the mundane day-to-day of sex work. I see photos of my friend’s exotic vacations and expensive lingerie and it’s such a funny contrast to the daily reality of the work. On the one hand, we make a high wage and are rewarded for a glamorous image with more clients and even higher wages but on the other hand, before our clients arrive and after they leave, we live in a cloud of cleaning fumes and under an ever-present mound of laundry.

I had someone say with astonishment “you must make so much money” when they found out my average weekly schedule. I had to chuckle because that’s both correct and incorrect. Yes, a great deal of cash flows into my hands on a somewhat regular basis but no, I don’t get to keep as much as you might think. Most small business owners get tax incentives to grow and succeed but I do not. So not only am I spending up to two grand a month on rent, utilities, and supplies but I can’t deduct them from my taxable income. I also am responsible for two people’s health insurance, vacation package, retirement savings and other things usually provided by an employer. Add to that the normal bills and expenses of living in seattle and you find a much smaller net income than it might seem on the surface. I’m not doing poorly, but my gross income last year was within earshot of Seattle’s single earner average income which is around 70,000. Keeping in mind that Seattle’s average wage is inflated due to the high salaries of amazon, Microsoft, and other tech industries here. That’s before all those expenses I mentioned that are sometimes hidden in employment benefits for the average wage earner.

I know this isn’t really that interesting and it does kind of part the veil, but it’s been on my mind lately and I thought I’d share anyway. And this is me, a relatively stable, privileged, childless white woman with no debt. Imagine if I were in a position where I had children or parents to care for. Imagine how much harder this would be if I had student debt to service. What if I or someone I loved had a substance abuse issue? I see conversations on local discussion boards about high prices in seattle because, as the consumer, you don’t see the hidden costs or the delicate balance of work and leisure to avoid burnout, you only see a high (and rising) sticker price. I’m not complaining about the complaining and I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind, I just thought it would be interesting to share my routine.

I will admit that, when things are running smoothly, I get a lot of downtime. I make sure to leave a full hour in between sessions and once I’m settled completely into the new place I’ll probably revert to my habit of redditing for long chunks of time and playing silly games on my phone. That hour or so of cleaning and getting myself present and ready for you isn’t, when compared with the rewards of meeting you, any more than a minor inconvenience. While it is frustrating to find that even though I scrubbed out the tub just last week it’s got grime building up already and I try not to look at the sink because I don’t want to wash any more dishes, at the end of the day it’s really not that bad.

Though I will say one last thing and that is that yesterday I cleaned for almost two hours and then had to stand on the bus which was extremely slow because two of the express lanes were closed. I’m rarely reduced to tears of frustration but the constant jolting, muscle soreness, and overall tiredness grated on me until I finally got to sit down nearly 45 minutes after boarding the bus. *sigh*. I can’t wait for the new light rail stations.

Oh, and I heard through the grape vine that Old Cowboy is improving! What a fighter!

I missed you!!

For the first time in several months I missed my self imposed Thursday deadline. I am sorry to those of you who have become accustomed to new thoughts every week that I slipped. My only excuse is that I’ve been incredibly, terribly, wonderfully busy since my return. I have, since October 1, revisited jet lag, thrown a party, attended two more, moved my entire incall a block away, bought and assembled a very nice couch from IKEA, arranged to pick up supplies for a family wedding, created two new websites, and still managed to find time to entertain my darling friends and have just a little breathing room for myself. Also I’m learning French so there’s that, haha. Anyway, I did start to write something last week but didn’t finish it on time. Here, after revision, is last week’s post.

I observed a tantra session sone time ago and found it, though unaligned with my own ideas about energy, very helpful. The principles of extending the length of time before climax, maintaining communication throughout, and valuing the journey as much as the destination all resonate with me and I gained valuable vocabulary to describe some vague concepts I had feelings about, but no words.

The more I interact with people in such an intimate setting, the more I learn about the ways we subtly influence each other. I have one client with whom I had the hardest time connecting. I felt useless, like my skills weren’t appropriate for this client, and I was confused that he came back at all, much less often. It Turns out that the frantic need to come that I felt was a waste of my talents was for him a stimulant to creativity. I wondered why he chose 90 minutes sessions, came in 5, and left 10—15 early every time. It’s because he needed to get the orgasm out of the way so he could relax into the massage and allow his mind to work on whatever problem he wrestled at the time. When he came to a solution, he felt a restless urgency to leave immediately and implement the solution he had found. Somehow, without knowing it, my bodywork and the clarity of mind the comes immediately post-orgasm created the perfect conditions for his problem solving subconscious.

This and other interactions lead me to start thinking about and discussing energetic exchange. I don’t really buy into energy work such as reiki and acupuncture but I do think it reasonable to acknowledge things like body language, the placebo effect, and the contagion of moods. I absorb my client’s mood but is it through energetic flow back and forth or is it subtle cues in his body language? The placebo effect is well documented and supports the idea that your mind has much more influence over your body than we like to think. Is this a case of my energy effecting yours or is it a physiological domino effect starting with a conviction?

In our segment on energetic healing, our teacher made a very good point. What lets me see you (light), feel you (electricity and heat), hear you (sound), and respond to you (nonverbal cues) are all forces, energies we send back and forth to each other. Even our own gravitational attraction to each other is great. Some people are synesthetes who combine and confuse color and flavor and sound. Some people are empaths who can discern the truth of a statement in your eyes. We all, in some way, exchange signals with each other. I call it body language, someone else calls it energy. However I explain it, I know how to use it to help create an experience for you, only for you, that brings you satisfaction and more.

The winds of change

I’m moved in. Not really but I have keys and the first load of never ending laundry rumbles away in the closet. It’s dark in here. I have the blinds turned down for privacy since there is another building right across the alley, and it’s a dim day, anyway, dull dusk at 5pm. There’s no furniture here yet, only the lamp in the corner. I can still see the odd empty space next to the plant at the old place in my mind’s eye and hope it doesn’t startle Claire too much when she stops by for her evening call. I’ll be ready, if rudimentary, to entertain at the new place Sunday.

A lot of things have changed this month, or it feels like they have. I’ve started on a slow but hopefully not as slow as I put it on weight loss program. I didn’t realize quite the extent of my ‘voluptuousness’ until I switched back from summer dresses to jeans. Denim is far less forgiving and emphasized how high my waist has risen. Oh I still look fine and my face is as open and inviting as ever but I have this image in my mind of a trim girl with taught legs. My muscle is toned, it’s just under a layer of padding a bit thicker than I’m happy with. So for the next six months it’s smaller plates, less wine, fewer chocolates, coffee with cream instead of lattes, and more walking.

Between the new place, return from abroad, winter approaching, and the change in public transit I’m establishing, or trying to establish, a new routine. Wake up an hour or so before I need to leave the house (unless I have something before 10) and relax. Wake up naturally, brew some coffee, have a piece of toast with homemade jam, catch up on Reddit, and prepare for the rest of the day. Be in town by 10:30 and spend time writing, cleaning, relaxing, and socializing unless I have an appointment. Catch a bus home and have fresh homemade dinner with a glass of wine and read a bit before bed. Saturday can be a stay home and do fun home stuff like special lunch or host a cocktail party. Maybe some evening I invite colleagues over to my new place for a few drinks and to play with the stripper pole! 😉

My ambitions are always ahead of my accomplishments but formalizing and sharing those intentions often helps. The time I tried Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and totally failed to follow through comes to mind but this is a bit simpler and easier to accomplish. One thing that seems oddly easy is my French language practice. I picked up a bunch of new words last month and am having a great deal of good luck with DuoLingo, a simple smart phone app that gives you small tasks and phrases and a daily goal to meet. I’m enjoying it and am able to at least translate visually. French pronunciation is so different from English and even Spanish that I have a terrible time hearing and interpreting.

So exercise, language, social events, what else is new? I’m sure I’ll think of something but in the meantime I’ll try to keep you amused with anecdotes and current events as I find them.

Oh, and an apology to those of you who registered for my newsletter and got a dozen or so copies: apparently it’s a glitch with the software. I’m working on a fix and will try to stay on top of it next month. Thank you for your kind patience.

Review: Duo with Claire Wild

LOCATION: Our place on First hill
DATE: Several times; this is an amalgam
NAME: Claire Wild
INCALL/OUTCALL: Our Incall, but she offers outcall
AGENCY OR INDY: I can’t imagine her needing anyone else
ACCURATE PICTURE: Absolutely, and recent
AGE: Just turned 40 and is just hitting her sexual stride
PERSONALITY: I had someone describe her as glowing. I can’t argue with the truth!
RACE: Caucasian but olive complexion and very clear skin
BODY TYPE: Petite, slender
WEIGHT: I’m terrible at this part, but if I’m 135, she must be 115 or 120?
HEIGHT: A bit taller than me but not towering or anything
BUST: I’ve heard the term ‘a perfect handful’ before but until Claire I didn’t have a clear picture of what that looks like. I do now. Beautiful nipples that can take a lot more pressure than mine, that’s for sure.
WAIST: Slender and fit, gently curved both up and down.
HIPS: slightly flared from her slender waist, when I catch her backside in the mirror it makes me really wish I had a cock.
HAIR: Dark, almost black, cleopatra style but with waves
EYES: Slate blue eyes under those black bangs is striking and gorgeous
FEET: Clean and petite, painted
SKIN TONE: she looks tan but I think that’s just her natural tone. For me it’s perfect.
TRIMMING: She just discovered the Brazilian wax and is enjoying the novelty of hardwood
TATTOOS: None
SCARS: None that I noticed
PIERCINGS: Both ears and a tiny stud accentuating her smile-crinkled nose
MOLES: A pleasant smattering of beauty marks, nothing distracting
BIRTHMARKS: Nothing distracting
CLOTHES: She loves to dress up and keeps buying all these cute lingerie sets. We got to take a trip to that shop by the 5th Ave theater and she and I both walked away pleased, to say the least.
GLASSES: None During session but she does have them if you like that.
MOANER OR A SCREAMER: Definitely on the quieter side but neither he nor I had any doubts of her pleasure and engagement. We also talked about lots of naughty things the whole time.
ENERGY LEVEL DURING THE SESSION: Playful, coming and going, we definitely didn’t let him rest much, haha!
MULTI SHOTS DURING THE HOUR: Out of the two hours we three had set aside for ourselves, I doubt he was out of our hands for less than 20 minutes. One veeeeeery long, prolonged, slow burn complete with all sorts of arousing touches. I’m so proud of her skill!
ACCEPTS FRENCH: Not for us in duo but get to know her well and she may let you into her inner circle.
SMOKES: Nope, never and nothing
DRINKS: She does not, but she does love her bubbly water.
KISSES: Sweet, smiling, sensitive, sensual
FRENCH: FBSM but again, get to know her and see where it goes
GREEK: Pretty sure neither of us enjoy that regardless of session but we’re happy to give!
RUSSIAN: She’s getting much better with her hands, though those from nipples slipping across… Ahem, anyway
DO’s or DON’T’s: DO go see her, don’t expect your first time to reach the level of trust and safety she and I and our long time regulars have developed.
WEB-SITE: http://www.clairewild33.com
SCREENING PROCESS: References are simplest but she does offer screening similar to mine.
PHONE: She will provide at her discretion
RATES: 180/hour, 240/90 minutes, 300/2 hours, social time 50/hhr
RECOMMEND: Wholeheartedly! She’s learned so much so fast I’m amazed.
COMMENTS:

This will be a bit of an amalgam of the sorts of things we get up to. At first, our duos were me teaching her and getting her comfortable playing with strangers and new friends. Her authenticity and enthusiasm and of course new-ness was charming and fun for all of us to play with. She is just as into girls as she is into guys so duos with her are fun for the whole family 😉

A few weeks ago we got to do a little role playing. She and one of her beloveds invited me to play teacher. I dressed up in my corset and heels and, over a glass of red wine, watched her work and offered tips and techniques to add to her repertoire. Watching her slinky, tight body bow and lean and curve and wriggle all over him was a pleasure for myself and he sounded very much like he was enjoying himself. Taking my instructions drew out a little of the submissive in her, but more on that later. When it came time for her to focus on his cock I stepped in with a little hands on instruction, demonstrating my accumulated expertise on cock worship and pleasure. Oh we had fun and our poor gentleman friend was finally reduced to a quivering wash of endorphins and astonishment. I was impressed by her constant engagement, enthusiasm, and the little peek into her submissive side.

Then, just last week, we had a birthday boy! When a lady trusts a gentleman, she is able to walk the very edge of her boundaries without fear. All three of us walked the line that day. She and I daydreamed about a pair of strap ons that we could use on each other, he and I earned her permission to spank her, gently but firmly, until we could see little pink hand marks, she and I played with his body from head to toe, the whole while keeping up a giggling, gasping, triologue. It reminded me of my very first three way: my attention focused on them and their pleasure, using my hands and voice as tools to bring them to that sweet, sweet climax. He was conscientious, keeping hands where they were welcome and never pushing. What a rush! What pleasure! What joy and genuine affection and trust we were able to create!

Claire is a darling. She is somewhat new to this work but is learning far faster than I did. She is submissive by nature but has the wisdom and will needed to hold boundaries and keep herself safe. Duos are particularly good for exploring submissive fantasies with other ladies because we have the assurance of a fellow professional in case things get out of hand. I strongly suggest adding Claire to a session with your favorite lady or seeing her on her own. She is the kind of person who deserves and values long lasting connections and I feel so fortunate to have met her (and seen her naked!! Haha!!)

Where The Hell Were You?

As you know I’ve been out of touch for a while because I got to go to Europe for the first time ever! On the first I flew from Seattle to Reykjavik (really Keflavik as that’s where the airport is) and began my first experience with jet lag. Oh my god it’s awful! The first day was sitting until near sleep, then walking until sore feet and shoulders forced a break, rinse, repeat.

Iceland is beautiful. It’s rugged, mostly mossy, cold rocks, but warm when the sun is out. While the city of Reykjavik is interesting and the Viking history present at museums and in the shops was interesting, the true charisma rises in plumes from the volcanic activity and the natural wonders it leaves in its wake. Geysers and hotspots are everywhere, used not only to attract visitors by their magnificence but also to provide nearly unending energy. All 220,000 residents of Reykjavik (2/3 of Iceland’s total population) get their hot water directly from a nearby hot spring and, while you wouldn’t want to drink it, it’s used to heat homes, generate electricity, and fill the hot tubs at the local public pool. Even the sidewalks and the roads are heated in Iceland!

The Blue Lagoon is indeed very blue and the complementary silica mud facial treatment is fun both to apply and rinse off (and throw at each other), but as with other well known attractions it quickly fills with other travelers and loses its charm. Ditto with the geothermal activity at Geysir (GAY-zer), the tectonic rift at the Golden Circle, and Gulfoss, Iceland’s largest waterfall. Of course, with a car instead of on a bus tour I’m sure avoiding fellow tourists would be easier but renting a car on Iceland is extremely expensive so I decided against it. That was a mistake. Being able to see some of these magnificent natural wonders when no other people are around gives them a sense of dignity and power that diminishes in direct proportion to the number of people you bump shoulders with on the way.

My favorite parts were walking through an ancient cemetery all alone on a quiet, cold morning, drinking too much with the locals late on a Monday night, the fabulous pastry shop that opens at six every morning, and my two afternoons at the public pool surrounded by locals, chatting in the hot tub and sweating it out in the steam room.

If I were to go back to Iceland, I would rent a car or a camper van and drive around, trying to avoid other tourists. I realize the irony of being a tourist and trying to avoid other tourists but with enough of them present the travel loses its impact, I think. I would bring a sweater as well as a raincoat, and I would spend an hour or so every single day at the local public pool. Also I would try the puffin. I tried the dried fish with butter. It was ok. I watched a girl from California try the fermented shark. It didn’t look ok so I opted out, haha. I did, however, explain to her exactly why it tasted like ammonia. She took it surprisingly well.

After Iceland it was Scotland. From the nice man at the airport to the friendly drunks at the bar every. Single. Person. In Scotland is friendly as shit. Even the customs agent joked about trains in Scotland and this was after a ridiculously slow line so I can’t imagine he had a articulately good reason to be cheerful, he just was.

After the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh the first order of business was to meet up with my friend and photographer Alex. She only had a few days left before coming back to Seattle so we made the best of it with street food, cheap drinks, and a late night snack adventure. At the convenience stores we found soft sandwiches, cheap wine, and the scotch version of Red Bull. It’s called IrnBru (iron brew) and tastes like a cross between bubblegum and skittles. It’s really weird but has tons of caffeine so it was the preferred alternative to the instant coffee which seems to fill every shelf in the UK. They may take their tea seriously but it wasn’t until a Bombay restaurant in London that I found good espresso again.

Edinburgh Castle is huge and impressive, seated atop an ancient volcanic plug. The rest of the city is below it, the skyline a jumble of elegant carvings, jagged spires, green copper domes, and a smattering of boring, official looking buildings. I spent nearly two hours in the war museum, learning about the history of Scotland’s fighting men and neighborly conflicts. There is a large church near the top of the ancient volcanic plug on which the castle sits. After World War One it was repurposed into a large, jagged war memorial. It served its somber purpose with methodical solemnity, lit by thin light filtering through military themed stained glass, painstaking statuary suspended from high vaulted ceilings, Heartfelt words from a nation to its heroes, and book after book after book of names.

A short wander from the castle is a small pub called the Bow Bar. It’s the only place I patronized three separate times on the trip. First serendipity; a sign outside for ‘meat pies; 3 pounds, noon-3” and a line of taps for local ales sounded nice and cheap, important after Iceland which is decidedly not. We got two meat pies: one haggis with chili, one chicken with gravy, both delicious. The second visit was for whiskey; the bartenders there are well known for their knowledge and good humor. An hour or so and a few wee drams later I learned to love Edinburgh gin and that a Skapa distillery tour was on the horizon. That last trip to the Bow Bar was for more haggis pie. Haggis is delicious and of all the haggis so far tasted, this was the best. It was the last day, a little gray, and one more visit seemed the perfect way to cap off the week and prepare for the very long journey to Orkney.

After Edinburgh was the small town of Kirkwall on Orkney, the largest in a series of small islands off the Northern end of Scotland and home of the highland Park Scotch Whiskey Distillery. It took a 7 hour ferry ride from Aberdeen (a further four hours by train from Edinburgh) to reach and thank God our host came to the Ferry terminal because there’s not a lot of public transit in the area. The ferry arrived late at night so it wasn’t until the morning that we got a good look at the town. The weather continued to inexplicably bless with blue skies and surprising warmth as we explored the small town, the local Kirk (church), and the ruin of an ancient bishop’s palace.

The food in a small town is always going to be a bit less than the food in a major city. A bacon sandwich is literally mayo and thick bacon between grocery store bread. No lettuce, not toasted, no ciabatta or anything, just soft bread and hard bacon. All the coffee is instant coffee; the best cup of coffee I got was in a bar that happened to have an espresso machine. I got a ‘mocha’ which was just a double espresso, steamed milk, and hot cocoa mix Served with an odd look by the gruff barman.

But of course, you don’t go to Kirkwall for the food. The Skapa whiskey distillery is also on Orkney and the tour was fabulous. The woman’s thick Orcadian accent and verbal tic was endearing and the information was new to me. The smells, oh man the aroma of malted barley, sweet sharp spirit, rich yeast, and mellowing barrels will stay with me for years to come (or at least as long as the bottles we bought last us). I wrote quite a few words on the whiskey tour but I’ll save that to craft into a mental picture worthy of the tour.

After a late night of drinking, two locals offered to spend their Saturday driving around the island showing off their local knowledge. Maes Howe, Skara Brae, the Standing Stones of Stennes, and the Ring of Brodgur all impressed us one by one by their age, size, ingenuity, and solemnity. These structures were Predecessors of the Pyramids and the Great Wall of China, among other things, and the off-season timing plus personal guided tour just made it that much more impressive.

I did have to giggle at the sheep. They’re everywhere, including grazing at the foot of a twenty foot tall rock stuck in the ground! The juxtaposition of a scruffy ram and an ancient work of passion and religion got me.

Maes Howe is an ancient grave that was broken into and graffitied by vikings on the war path. It’s about what you would expect: “Olga was here” “I had sex” “These runes were written by the greatest rune writer ever” and “Helga is beautiful” next to a picture of a rabid dog. It’s interesting to see that humans are pretty much the same across time and culture, haha, but more on that later.

The Stones of Stennes are tall standing stones, three, arranged in a semicircle around a hearth and two smaller stones. At midwinter, if you stand with your back to the tallest stone and look across the circle over the hearth, the sun shines from behind you, over the hearth, between the two smaller stones, and into the mouth of the entry to Maes Howe all the way down the 30 foot tunnel to the back of the tomb. The skill needed for that, taking into consideration the lack of modern technology, is absolutely stunning.

The Ring of Brodgur is a Henge like Stonehenge except instead of surrounded by a fence and only a few yards from a major motorway it’s truly in the middle of nowhere and you can walk up and touch the stones if you wish.

Skara Brae is by far the most famous Neolithic site on Orkney. It’s a small village made of stone that was buried by a sandstorm simply ages ago, then uncovered by another storm in the late 1800’s (I think). It’s in great shape with even tools, toys, and trinkets left intact and in their original place. It’s as if Pompei were sand instead of ash turned to rock. Again, we had it all to ourselves. Actually, it wasn’t even open but we walked down the beach and snuck in since no one was around. Totally worth it.

We ended the day at a fish and chip truck in Stromness, a viking town on the other side of the island, and had some of the most delicious, amazing fried fish and sausage patties I’ve ever had. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe it until you tasted it. That day, including staying out drinking too late the night before, being hungover until noon, and driving and walking by turns across the Scottish Islands was one of the most perfect days of the whole trip. Of the couple who drove us around, she was from Orkney but he was from another island so she knew all this lore and history and was able to share it with not only these strangers but her beloved. I remarked, as I had been reminded of showing people around my familiar places, that sometimes it helps you appreciate what you have to show it to those who don’t have it. She agreed and thanked us for helping create a pleasant and relaxed day outside, appreciating their home instead of slouched on the couch watching bad movies all day. Simply good.

After Orkney was London. We did the touristy things; I saw a play at Shakespear’s Globe, took selfies in front of Big Ben, ate Indian food, walked along the Queen’s walk, saw Buckingham Palace, went to a local farmer’s market, stopped in at the pub, and mostly just passed the time. There was too much time for it to be just a stopover, not enough time to really sink into anything so instead of trying to do everything and see everyone we just chilled. I did find a book I’ve been looking for for a very long time. You’ll notice if you’ve come to see me that the top shelf on my bookshelf has only one author on it. David Eddings wrote the books of my childhood and I’ve collected and lost the series once already. At a second hand store on Bainbridge several years ago, I found three of his books with the original eighties cover art and snapped them up. At a pop up used ‘book store’ under the Waterloo Bridge I found a fourth. For three pounds sterling I got a book I never thought I would have. I’m sure the rest of them are out there but to have fount it then and there was something I’ll never forget.

After London was Paris, or more accurately Palaissou, a small town 20 km south of Paris. As you may know, my partner traveled some years ago, long before we knew each other. One young woman he met in Tunisia made a particular impression on him, and he on her. They wrote letters and emails, then found Facebook and have kept in touch all this time. When she heard of our trip she immediately offered her hospitality. She met us at the train station (though we should have simply taken the local train, it would have been faster) and drove us to her home where we met her husband and two beautiful children.

Our hostess made us food, oh my God the food! Raclette is basically cheese melted on top of things. Potatoes, bread, more cheese, whatever, just eat it! Finish with a bottle of wine and some Tunisian digestive shared around over a word association card game and you have the perfect French evening. As a tribute to her heritage she made authentic Tunisian couscous and lots of it! She even threw a little cocktail party for us. There were only two guests but we six stood around out on the small back lawn to tell naughty jokes, make fun of the nosy neighbor, drink pomplamouse cidre (grapefruit flavored hard Apple cider), and eat the assortment of snack our hostess provided.

It was a chunk of toasted baguette with cultured butter and coffee for breakfast every day and lunch was more often than not assorte plat du fromage et une pichet rose (assorted plate of cheese and a half bottle of pink wine). In between we went to the cemetery, the Louvre, the café, the Eiffel Tower, and the Basilica of the Sacred Heart (Sacre-Coeur).

The Louve was amazing and I will probably also reserve my gushing about it for it’s own post. There was simply so much beauty and passion there it deserves designated time and place.

Leaving was hard but by the end of the trip it was time to come home. A short flight from Paris to Glasgow, an overnight rest, and finally a long pair of flights to and from Reykjavik (that was the layover option for Iceland Air). I’ve never been so happy to see a Link Light Rail car in my life. Even knowing there was another hour before home, I knew it was the last leg and that in itself was a huge relief.

My first glimpse of home was, not unsettling, not odd, just unfamiliar, as if it was yet another stop on a long journey. I suppose it was, but it didn’t quite feel like coming home until a few hours later, after a long hot bath and clean sheets did I finally feel: Home.

As I look back and retell stories one by one I begin to process them and look inward to find new thoughts and habits. My sleeping and eating habits have changed, for now at least, in a good way. I was concerned I had lost my drive but here I am, writing away, already deep into the day to day business, activism, and social interaction I missed so much. This trip has done me good and I think that the more time goes by, the better it will be for me. Experts say spending money on experiences is better than spending it on items. While there are still things I’d like to buy, I guarantee I got more out of this trip than I would have out of a new car, new gadget, or even new books.

Thank you. This trip has changed my life and without your assistance, without your encouragement, without your boundary keeping, emotionally fulfilling, financially meaningful, pleasurable company I would not have been able to do it. To you I dedicate this post and all the others that come from the sweet fermentation of my mind and this experience.

Holy Shit! I went to Europe! Finally! 😀

Honey, I’m home!

I’m pre-writing this before I leave but if all goes well, my flight lands this afternoon and I’ll soon be settling in, trying to beat jet lag. I’ll be back at my place Saturday and Sunday ready to resume my routine and bask in the afterglow of my amazing adventure!

In the meantime, I thought I’d share what I feel when I play with you.

First we talk. Getting to know you is so important for me. It allows me to intuit your mood, prepare myself to either hit the gas or slow us down depending on where you are in your body and it gives us both a chance to relax and become more comfortable with and aroused by each other.

I scoot closer and closer, draping my knee over your thigh, stroking your hand or arm, slowly making my move until our faces are only inches apart. What will it feel like to kiss you today? Are your lips soft or firm? Dry or slick? Do you meet gently and pull away or press hard? Do you have stubble? Will I notice if you do? I find out when our lips meet. That first kiss is always tentative, a silent question answered in the affirmative. My mind is on you, focused on the sensations my lips and hands and eyes feed me. Where have my hands been and where will they go? Can I feel your breath change and your cock start to rise? We slowly peel off layers, breaking contact just long enough for those silly awkward moments of stepping out of pants and remembering to take off our socks. I can feel your erection pressed against me through thin layers of fabric. I wish we didn’t need them but the small voice in the back of my mind is always aware and careful, protecting us from bursts of passion that might lead us astray, keeping us safe from regrets.

Finally I can’t stand it. Either I’m rising toward a climax or it’s not coming, either way it’s time to finish what we started with our clothes and move to my table, centered amid fairy lights, crooning lounge music, and sweet candles. We talk or we don’t, it depends on our mood. We keep our fever pitch up or we take a break, depending on our mood. I might transition to a soothing massage, gently kneading the muscles of your back and shoulders, working down each leg teasing as I go. If we keep up our high heat and you climax before long, we might cuddle and talk or I might use that rush of relaxing endorphins to work thoroughly into problem areas, hoping that the extra relaxation effects of orgasm prolong and deepen my therapeutic work.

But from the moment I first touch your cock to the moments after your release, hot and sticky and pleasurable, this is what I feel and think.

At first it’s dry, soft and silky, and I use the backs of my fingertips, absent the rough ridges of my fingerprints, to brush across the delicate skin between your thighs, caress your tender and sensitive sack, trail feather touches up the length of your shaft to linger and tickle right before it meets the head of your cock, growing harder at my touch. I’m observing how hard or not your cock is, how big, how ponderous, how full your sack is; I’m listening to your breath and your heart for particularly, unusually sensitive areas. My mouth is busy with kisses but those go on and off auto pilot as I send my attention to my hands, one pulling your hips toward me, the other settling your cock between us, our bodies together applying firm but dispersed pressure, a new stimulus, reminiscent of a warm pussy wrapped around you. Once I’ve a sense of you, I lead you to my lair where we settle in to whatever order or intensity we choose but once again, the moment I touch your cock again it steals my focus.

I let my erect, oiled nipples glide across the top of your cock, sometime pressing firmly so my full breast completely covers your cock, sometimes just using the tip of my nipple to tease that incredibly arousing spot right before your shaft meets the head. I’ve learned this spot. I call it your man-clit. Parts of your cock, like parts of my pussy, are more or less sensitive; that spot isn’t the spot that makes you stop stimulation immediately post-orgasm so it’s the spot I dwell on, gently and carefully, after I feel you come. But that’s later.

Right now, I’m lying next to you or atop you, our faces close, kissing or not depending on where you are in your journey toward orgasm. Your hands roam across my breasts, through my hair (unless I just washed it), cup my shoulder and pull me towards you, leave soft trails town my arms and across my back in the down moments when we’re not racing toward the finish line. One of my hands is stroking your cock, sometimes starting the stroke down, past your balls to between your legs. I’ve already checked your response to my hand getting close to your ass, I can feel the tension change either toward or away from my touch and I stay away or play closer depending.

I cup your sack, gently unless you tell me otherwise, letting my pressure vary as I play with your skin or your balls, then smoothly but suddenly sliding my hand all the way up your cock to pleasure with each fingertip that spot, that man-clit, and draw you closer to orgasm. I can feel your entire body respond with gasps or silence, tension and focus, or the relaxed disinterest that tells me to try something else.

Your body changes when you get closer To coming. Your kissing slows or stops, your expression turns inward, your cock gets even harder, your balls tense as they get ready to burst… That’s the moment I look for and that’s the moment I stop. I go back to playing with your balls, I lessen my pressure and speed or stop movement altogether, and I shower you with little distracting kisses. I want to lead you on, get you close to that edge and hold you there if possible. I want your eventual climax to be powerful.

I can feel the rigidity of your cock rise and fall as we come and go. I notice which way your cock bends and lies. I notice differences and similarities and appreciate the immense variety and yet core sameness of each beautiful cock. I explore with my palms and my eyes and my breasts your individual, personal cock and imagine what the ridges and slick smoothness might feel like in my mouth or pressing agains the walls of my pussy. My fingertips bring in such a wealth of information that it’s easy to translate those sensations into the fewer but stronger responses I feel during sex.

When I finally decide the time has come and I’d like to feel you pulsing and convulsing between us I focus my attention entirely on your cock. I’m searching for the tempo, area, pressure, and words that will bring you over the edge. I’m looking for that furious rigidity, that hyper focused expression, the full body tension, rocking hips, short fast breath and other cues that tell me I’m on the right track. My breath, too, comes hot and fast, my body tenses as I fight fatigue with animal passion, my mind, my hands, my body are all tuned into your cock for that series of moments, that incremental climb, that eventual release. I can feel your cock pulsing and I follow through with you, working areas of your cock and balls that I know don’t get as uncomfortable post-orgasm, playing with pressure, trying to prolong the waves of pleasure as long as possible.

It always takes a few minutes to stop our hearts racing and our breath panting. We’re sticky and sweaty with the aftermath of prolonged arousal and sexual activity. Damp towels warm first, then cool us off. Aftercare comes in the form of snuggles or a shoulder rub.

When I’m learning and working your cock, that’s what I feel: I absorb the sensory information my hands and my body feed me and it focuses my mind and my body so much so that, unless I’m busy fending off unwelcome hands (trust me, if they’re unwelcome I’ll let you know), my own body responds to your arousal, your climb to climax, and your orgasm. By working with your mind and body to create a more powerful and highly charged experience, I experience a more highly charged and powerful experience. I come vicariously through you and it. Is. Awesome.

So next time you wonder what you can do to pleasure me, this is the answer.

H is for Hawk by Helen MacDonald

We’ve been neglecting our book club all summer but I finally got around to reading March’s book club book and it is beautiful.

H is for Hawk tells three stories: the author’s recovery from the grief of her father’s sudden death, her year long journey in training a goshawk, and her relationship with T. H. White, writer of The Goshawk, The Sword in the Stone, and The Once and future King. I like the trio storytelling and how well she weaves it together. I did a baby version of that integration in weaving the story of my evolution as a sex worker and my growing relationship with my partner together so my own experience trying to fit two stories to each other in a way that makes sense helps me appreciate the skill with which MacDonald ties her life to her hawk Mabel and to a long dead author.

The story is autobiographical and heavily influenced by the words and writing style of her first and favorite authors: 19th century falconers. She draws on archaic terminology which enthralls me; I love encountering words I’ve never seen before, beautiful adjectives that settle into context for my appreciation and betterment. She writes with a flowing, almost stream of consciousness style but well structured, as it should be since she’s a professor of literature. I started and nearly finished it in one beautiful sunny day out at the cabin, taking frequent breaks to refill my drink, grab a snack, or watch my friends and family playing on the lawn. It’s a quick read, beautiful, and exquisitely mournful.

My most meaningful and lasting takeaway was that from now on, before I read a famous work, I want to know about the author. When we read The Sirens of Titan, one of our book club members had a near encyclopedic knowledge of the author and the circumstances surrounding the writing of the book. Hawk tells the story of T. H. White, a tortured closeted homosexual and sadist who refused to use corporal punishment on his students because he knew he would enjoy it.

MacDonal is first introduced to White through his book The Goshawk in which he tells the story of the first hawk he ever tried to train. I knew nothing of hawking before this book but MacDonald had been into hawking for years before she read this book as a child and cried at the cruelty White unintentionally inflicted on his hawk. She hated the book but her insatiable interest in books about falconry lead her to read it several more times growing up and when her father died, the deep grief she felt drew her to this story.

I can’t adequately summarize the book partly because I haven’t read it and partly because MacDonald filled her commentary on his story with her own feelings about her father and her hawk and a huge amount of biographical knowledge gleaned from hours and hours studying his letters and journals. I now want to read The Sword in the Stone because I know about the author, how he wished he could be wise and content like Merlyn and how he put aspects of himself in all the characters. I want to read the story, enriched by my knowledge of the author, and appreciate it all the more. I’ll happily read anything else MacDonald publishes, fiction or otherwise, because knowing her makes her work more alive, more real, more interesting.

Overall, H is for Hawk is a beautifully written, hopeful yet tragic, poignant story that deserves its place near the top of any reading list.

The Rights and Wrongs of Prostitution: An Essay by Julia O’connel Davidson, reproduced in full without permission

This essay was originally published in a collection titled Hypatia in 2002. I stumbled across it while checking Google search terms and read a satisfyingly balanced, well researched essay on some of the issues facing prostitution and some of the ethical theories surrounding sex work. As I read it, I found it beautifully devoid of polarizing language and, though my experience and information doesn’t always agree with her research, I happily defer to such a deeply researched and even handed analysis. I don’t agree with everything she writes but I do agree with treating the concerns regarding sex work with respect and care. This is a very long article so you’ll want some time if you want to read the entire thing.

I enjoyed it because I often find myself arguing against both sides on an issue. I like that the author doesn’t take a firm stand and instead outlines the arguments and issues with some of the primary sexual/moral arguments for and against sex work, prostitution in particular. The movement has moved toward a harm reduction/human rights argument and away from a completely unwind able moral argument but seeing this, originally published almost 15 years ago, was refreshingly multidimensional and spoke to my own sense of moral ambiguity and moderation.

I have not added any commentary within the body of the text, only edited out some hyphens and added some space for readability. Enjoy!

The Rights and Wrongs of Prostitution
JULIA O’CONNELL DAVIDSON

This essay critically explores contemporary Euro-American feminist debate on prostitution. It argues that to develop analyses relevant to the experience of more than just a small minority of “First World” women, those who are concerned with prostitution as a form of work need to look beyond liberal discourse on property and contractual consent for ways of conceptualizing the rights and wrongs of “sex work.”

**

Feminists are deeply divided on the issue of prostitution, and debate between what might loosely be termed the “sex work” and the “abolitionist” lobbies is often both heated and bitter. This can be disconcerting for those like me who find themselves in sympathy with elements of both “sides” of the debate and yet also feel it is the wrong debate to be having about prostitution. My own research on prostitution over the past eight years has involved ethnographic and interview work with prostitutes, third-party organizers of prostitution, and clients in both affluent and poor countries (O’Connell Davidson 1998). In all the countries where I have conducted research, female prostitutes are legally and socially constructed as a separate class of persons, and as such are subjected (to varying degrees) to a range of civil and human rights abuses. I am in complete sympathy with “sex work” feminists’ calls for prostitutes to be accorded the same legal and political rights and protections as their fellow citizens. I also agree that the vast majority of those who enter prostitution without being coerced into it by a third party do so for economic reasons, and that prostitution therefore represents a form of work. At the same time, however, none of the data from my research have made me want to celebrate the existence of a market for commoditized sex; rather, the reverse (see O’Connell Davidson 2001; O’Connell Davidson and Sánchez Taylor 1999). In this sense, I am in sympathy with the feminist abolitionist case.

This essay argues that what is wrong with much contemporary Euro-American feminist debate on prostitution is that it disallows the possibility of supporting the rights of those who work in prostitution as workers, but remains critical of the social and political inequalities that underpin market relations in general, and prostitution in particular.

Prostitution and Property in the Person

There is a longstanding tension within liberal political thought regarding the relationship between the body, property, and labor. John Locke is famous for this dictum: “Every man has a property in his own person. This nobody has any right to but himself. The labor of his body, and the work of his hands, we many say, are properly his” (1993, 274). This dictum allows for the commodification of a person’s bodily capacity to labor. Yet as Bridget Anderson notes, because he viewed the body as God-given and sacred, Locke also considered that “a man does not stand in the same relation to his body as he does to any other type of property. . . . So a man does not have the right to kill himself, or put himself into slavery, because he is the work of God” (2000, 3).

The liberal concept of property in the person thus leaves open certain questions about what can, and cannot, properly be commodified and contractually exchanged across a market. In this sense, it appears to have set the agenda for much contemporary Euro-American feminist debate on prostitution. For instance, do the body’s sexual capacities constitute property in the person or is it impossible to detach sex from personhood without moral harm? Does prostitution law violate the prostitute’s natural right to engage in voluntary transfers of her rightful property, or does the prostitution contract itself violate her natural right to dignity? (See, for example, Pateman 1988; Barry 1995; Jeffreys 1997; Chapkis 1997.)

Marxist thinkers view liberal discourse on property, labor, contractual consent, and freedom as a series of fictions that serve to conceal or naturalize huge asymmetries of economic, social, and political power. Their arguments suggest that a person’s labor (whether sexual, emotional, mental, or manual) is, in Braverman’s words, “like all life processes and bodily functions . . . an inalienable property of the human individual.” Because it cannot be separated from the person of the laborer, it is not labor that is exchanged, sold or surrendered across a market. What workers sell, and what employers buy “is not an agreed amount of labor, but the power to labor over an agreed period of time” (1974, 54). Since property in the person cannot be separated from the person, the wage labor contract actually involves a transfer of powers of command over the person. In exchange for x amount of money, the employer gets the right to direct the worker to perform particular tasks, or to think about particular problems, or provide particular forms of service to customers.

Likewise, sex or sexual labor is not exchanged in the prostitution contract. Rather, the client parts with money and/or other material benefits in order to secure powers over the prostitute’s person that he (or more rarely she) could not otherwise exercise. He pays in order that he may direct the prostitute to make body orifices available to him, to smile, dance, or dress up for him, to whip, spank, urinate upon, massage, or masturbate him, to submit to being urinated upon, shackled, or beaten by him, or otherwise act to meet his desires (O’Connell Davidson 1998). It is not that the prostitution contract allows the client to buy the person of the prostitute while the employment contract merely allows the employer to buy the worker’s fully alienable labor power. Both contracts transfer powers of command from seller to buyer (the extent of those powers and the terms of the transfer being the subject of the contract), and so require the seller to temporarily surrender or suspend aspects of her will.

Liberal theorists generally regard the invasion of an individual’s will to be a heinous violation of fundamental human rights, and take a dim view of pre- capitalist and “traditional” social formations within which dominant groups exercised personalistic power to force their subordinates to do their bidding. But because market relations are imagined to involve the exercise of power over commodities rather than persons, and because employers do not usually use personalistic power to force workers to surrender their “property,” the wage labor contract can be presented as an equivalent, mutual, and voluntary exchange. Money, the universal medium for the expression of the exchange values of commodities, is exchanged for the “commodity” of labor power. In capitalist liberal democracies, formal rights of equal participation in the process of commodity exchange are interpreted as a form of freedom for capitalist and worker alike, even though it is through this very process of exchange that the political and economic dominance of the capitalist class is maintained and reproduced. The beauty of the concept of property in the person, then, is that it conceals the relations of power and dependence that exist between those who pay others to do their will, and those who get paid to surrender their own will and do someone else’s bidding.

For anyone who is remotely swayed by this critique, questions about whether or not sex can be commercialized in the same way as labor are the wrong questions to ask about rights. To paraphrase Anatole France, granting rich and poor, men and women, white and black, “First World” and “Third World,” an equal right to engage in prostitution under the bridges of Paris is hardly to strike a blow for human equality or freedom. And yet feminists who discuss prostitutes’ rights to freely alienate their sexual labor certainly wish to promote greater equality and freedom. Indeed, they arrive at their position out of a concern to challenge the very serious civil and human rights violations that have historically been and still are routinely faced by women prostitutes all over the world (documented in, for example, Walkowitz 1980; Alexander 1997; Cabezas 1999; Uddin et al. 2001).

“Sex work” feminists note that these violations are linked to the legal and social construction of women prostitutes as sexual deviants, rather than as workers, and to counter this, they emphasize the continuities between prostitution and other forms of wage labor. From here, it would seem a straightforward matter to move to a critical analysis of the class, gender, race, and global power relations that underpin the contemporary sex industry. But instead, “sex work” feminists often take a rather different turn, and one that is rarely made by those concerned with the rights of workers in other sectors. Having discussed ways in which the market for commodified sex is shaped by global and/or gender inequalities, some analysts move to talk about the selling of sexual labor as though it can represent a form of resistance to those inequalities (see, for example, Bell 1994; Kempadoo and Doezema 1998; Nagel 1997). This is not a leap that directly follows from the proposition that prostitution is a form of labor. Few would, for example, describe the sweatshop worker as “challenging” poverty by stitching garments, the airline flight attendant as “defying” sexism by smilingly serving drinks, or the black child selling shoeshine service in the Caribbean as “resisting” racism by polishing the shoes of white tourists. What makes prostitution different? The answer, I think, has to do with the vexed relationship between sex and selfhood.

Sex and Selfhood Revisited

“What is wrong with prostitution?” Carole Pateman asks, and answers that for the client to buy mastery of an objectified female body, the prostitute must sell herself in a very different and much more real sense than that which is required by any other occupation (1988, 207). This damages the prostitute. To contract out sexual use of the body requires the woman to sever the integrity of body and self, something that carries grave psychological consequences (see, for example, Jeffreys 1997 and Barry 1995). Critiquing such analyses, many “sex work” feminists point to similarities between prostitution and other personal service occupations, arguing that prostitution is better understood as involving a form of emotional labor. Such labor is not always or necessarily harmful to the worker. Wendy Chapkis (1997), for example, notes that while the flight attendants in Arlie Hochschild’s 1983 classic study of emotional labor often believed that performing emotion work had changed them in some way, they “most often described that transformation as a positive one, of gaining greater control.” In the same way, Chapkis argues, sex workers can experience “the ability to summon and contain emotion within the commercial transaction . . . as a useful tool in boundary maintenance rather than as a loss of self” (1997, 75). If sex and emotion are “stripped of their presumed unique relationship to nature and the self, it no longer automatically follows that their alienation or commodification is simply and necessarily destructive” (Chapkis 1997, 76).

Chapkis then moves on to observe that in some settings, emotion work is “socially rewarded and personally gratifying,” and yet, “the respect given to emotional labor in the theatre, a psychotherapist’s office, or a day care center rarely extends to the brothel” (1997, 79). Picking up on Hochschild’s argument that a lack of control over the terms and conditions of employment intensifies the human costs of performing emotional labor, Chapkis concludes that it is not the commodification of emotion per se that is problematic in sex work; rather: “mundane concerns like status differences between worker and client, employee/employer relations and negative cultural attitudes toward the work performed, may be at the root of the distress and damage experienced by some workers. This is less grand, less poetic, than the image of a soul in necessary and mortal danger through the commodification of its most intimate aspects. Such a formulation, however, has the advantage of pointing critics in the direction of practical interventions such as workplace organizing and broader political campaigns to increase the status and respect accorded to those performing the labor” (1997, 82).

It strikes me that this formulation also has advantages for anyone who wants to pay for sexual experience but still retain their feminist credentials (it pro- vides a blueprint for how to be a “good” and “responsible” client, prostitution’s equivalent of a “green consumer”), and that this is surely significant for Chapkis, who opens the final chapter of her book by saying, “After years of research- ing the subject of sex for money, I decided to finally have some” (1997, 215).1 Chapkis’s identification with the wish to consume commercial sex helps to explain why, unlike Hochschild, she pays little attention to “the human cost of becoming an ‘instrument of labor’” (Hochschild 1983, 3), or to questions about the exploitative and alienating nature of the capitalist labor process, and does not really develop a critique of commercialism in relation to prostitution. Nor does Chapkis’s analysis of prostitution refer to broader debates on class or labor movements, despite the mention of employment relations and workplace organizing in the passage quoted above.

So whilst Chapkis’s Live Sex Acts provides a detailed and well-crafted case for women prostitutes’ full civil and political inclusion, it does not question orthodox liberal narratives about property in the person, market relations, and human rights. Meanwhile, the emphasis on increasing “the status and respect” accorded to sex workers, alongside the inclusion of a chapter “sharing” the details of her own “commercial sexual experience,” suggests that Chapkis believes that the sexual-emotional labor involved in prostitution, like the emotion work involved in psychotherapy, acting, or the provision of day care, has some intrinsic social value. The implication is that sex work should be respected and socially honored because it expresses (or at least can, under the right circumstances express) a form of care or creativity.

This view is more explicitly elaborated in the work of “sex radical” feminists. Sex radical theory holds that the legal and social binaries of normal/abnormal, healthy/unhealthy, pleasurable/dangerous sex, as well as of gender itself, are profoundly oppressive. Thus, sex radicals celebrate consensual sexual practices that can be read as subverting such binaries (Vance 1984, Rubin 1999, Califia 1994). Through this lens, both the buying and selling of commercial sex appear as legitimate features of “erotic diversity.” Pat Califia, for example, holds that prostitution serves valuable social functions and would not disappear even in a society that had achieved full gender, race, and class equality: “There will always be people who don’t have the charm or social skill to woo a partner. In a society where mutual attraction and sexual reciprocity are the normal bases for bonding, what would happen to the unattractive people, those without the ability or interest to give as good as they get? Disabled people, folks with chronic or terminal illnesses, the elderly, and the sexually dysfunctional would continue to benefit (as they do now) from the ministrations of skilled sex workers who do not discriminate against these populations” (1994, 245).

Fetishists would also continue to provide demand for commercial sex, Califia goes on, since “many fetishist scripts are simply elaborate forms of sublimated and displaced masturbation that do not offer anything other than vicarious pleasure to the fetishist’s partner” (1994, 245). Prostitution obviates the need for anyone to, in Califia’s words, “play the martyr” in a relationship by selflessly indulging a partner’s fetish. And in her utopia, sex workers “would be teachers, healers, adventurous souls—tolerant and compassionate. Prostitutes are all of these things today, but they perform their acts of kindness and virtue in a milieu of ingratitude” (1994, 247).

In Chapkis’s and Califia’s writings, then, arguments about prostitution as a form of labor get conflated with claims about the social value of sex work and the client’s rights to access the services of prostitutes (see also Perkins and Ben- nett 1985; Queen 1997). Prostitutes should be socially honored because they facilitate the gratification of erotic needs that would otherwise go unmet, just as health care professionals and teachers should be honored because they meet the population’s health and educational needs. And because it meets human needs, prostitution, like medicine and education, would persist in a society that had achieved full gender, race, and class equality.

This takes us a long way from the idea of prostitution as mere service work, for if the comparison were made with, say, jobs in the hotel industry or domestic work, the same arguments would be rather less convincing. (There will always be people who are too busy or important, or who simply cannot be bothered, to open the door for themselves, make their own beds, wash their own clothes, clean the lavatory after they have used it, and come the revolution, these people would continue to benefit, as they do now, from the ministrations of skilled and professional doorpersons, chamber maids, and domestic workers.) Indeed, the fact that these writers compare sex work to healing or psychotherapy and think in terms of some kind of transcendental human need for prostitution suggests that they are quite as reluctant as “radical” feminists to strip sex of its “unique relationship to the self,” albeit for very different reasons. Where “radical feminists” think prostitution is fundamentally wrong because it commodifies something that cannot be detached from the self, the “sex work” feminists considered here think it is fundamentally right because it provides clients with access to something they require to fulfill their human needs and express their true selves. This latter belief is certainly shared by the clients I have interviewed, who invariably explain their own prostitute use through reference to the idea of sexual “need” (O’Connell Davidson 1998). But what does it mean to speak of erotic “needs?”

From Erotic “Needs” to Despotic Subjects

Deprived of sexual gratification, people do not suffer in the same way they do when other basic bodily needs are denied or when medical attention is refused.2 There is no biological imperative to orgasm any set number of times a day, week, or year, and though people may find it unpleasant or even uncomfortable to go without sexual release (assuming they are unable or find it undesirable to masturbate), the absence of a sexual partner to bring them to orgasm does not actually threaten their physical survival. Human sexual desire is grounded in emotional and cognitive, as much as physiological, processes. If the urge to reach orgasm were a simple biological function, such as the impulse to evacuate the bowels, it would hardly matter whether the person with whom you had sex was old or young, or man or woman. Equally, if a lack of sexual contact posed a threat to health, such that one needed the “ministrations” of a sex worker in the same way one needs those of a doctor or a nurse when suffering from other ailments, then the physical appearance, age, gender, and race of the prostitute would be unimportant. But sex is not a mere bodily function or physical need. Our erotic life is grounded in the ideas we use to categorize, interpret, and give meaning to human experience and sociality, and specific sexual desires do not, therefore, directly express some fundamental, timeless, or general human need for sex. To treat them as if they do is hugely problematic.

What follows from the assertion that every individual is entitled to satisfy their exact erotic “requirements?” Califia asks us to accept that wanting “to be kicked with white patent-leather pumps with thirteen straps and eight-inch heels” (1994, 245), is an erotic need. But what if someone felt s/he could only be sexually gratified if it was Princess Anne or Queen Latifa wearing the patent- leather pumps? Would that also be a “need?” And what of, say, a white racist’s specific and narrowly focused desire to anally penetrate black women, or an adult male’s “need” to be fellated by eleven-year-old children? Since non-masturbatory sex by definition involves another person or persons, to grant one the right to control the if, when, with whom, and how of having sex would very often be to deny those same rights to another.
Gayle Rubin has argued: “In Western culture, sex is taken all too seriously. A person is not considered immoral, is not sent to prison, and is not expelled from her or his family for enjoying spicy cuisine. But an individual may go through all this and more for enjoying shoe leather. Ultimately, of what possible social significance is it if a person likes to masturbate over a shoe? . . . If sex is taken too seriously, sexual persecution is not taken seriously enough. There is systematic mistreatment of individuals and communities on the basis of erotic taste or behavior” (1999, 171). But it seems to me that sex radicals also take certain aspects of sexual life far too seriously. Certainly it is ridiculous that a person’s shoe fetish can provoke community revulsion and expulsion. But it is equally ridiculous to elevate that person’s ability to indulge this fetish to the status of human right. If we are to say “so what?” about the fact someone likes to masturbate over a shoe, surely we can equally say “so what?” about the fact that s/he might have to make do with fantasizing about a shoe while masturbating, rather than thinking it imperative to set in place a social institution that will guarantee her/him access to a shoe whenever the urge to masturbate over one should arise.

At the same time, sex radical theory does not pay sufficient attention to the fact that “talk about sex is about a great deal else than organs, bodies and pleasures” (Laqueur 1995, 155). In using the example of a masturbatory fetish, Rubin evades the difficult issues that arise from the fact that non-masturbatory sex is, by definition, relational. To be sure, it is an intolerant and illiberal society that condemns a person for masturbating over a shoe. But since Rubin stresses that sex must be consensual, her own tolerance probably would not extend to an unknown man who happened to feel the “need” to masturbate over her shoe as they sat together in Starbucks, for example. Like Califia, she reserves for everyone both the right to gratify themselves as they wish, and the right not to “play the martyr” by indulging other people when it will bring them no personal gratification. Everyone, that is, except prostitutes, who are instead awarded the right to give up their right to personal pleasure from sex in exchange for payment.

The essence of the prostitution contract is that the prostitute agrees, in exchange for money or another benefit, not to use her personal desire or erotic interests as the determining criteria for her sexual interaction.3 What this means is that the prostitute must, at least during working hours, assume her or himself as the Other, fix her or himself as an object, in order that everyone else may always be able satisfy their erotic “needs” on demand. In other words, the existence of a market for commodified sex leaves room for every non-prostitute to become, in Simone de Beauvoir’s (1953) terms, a “despotic subject” should she or he so choose.

For feminist abolitionists, this subject/object distinction in prostitution necessarily corresponds to a patriarchal order within which men achieve self- sovereignty through the political subordination of women. This is to essentialize gender, and also implies an over-optimistic view of women, who are perfectly capable of pursuing “masculine” self-sovereignty through the objectification of racialized and/or classed Others, as demonstrated by the research of Jacqueline Sánchez Taylor (2001) on female sex tourism and that of Bridget Anderson (2000) on employers of migrant domestic workers. Feminist abolitionists fur- ther imagine that in requiring a woman to temporarily fix herself as an object, prostitution permanently, completely and literally extinguishes her as a subject. This glosses over the important (and sometimes hugely painful) fact that people do not either literally become, or come to see themselves as, objects even when they are treated as such. It also ignores the immense political dangers that go along with refusing any group of people full subjectivity, even when one’s aim is to help or “save” that group. But the sex radical position on prostitution, which embraces despotic subjecthood as a delightful and ideal condition, is surely every bit as politically dangerous.
The Politics of Rights and Respect
Noting that the early feminist movement called for the labor involved in mothering and caring for the old, the sick, or the disabled to be recognized as work, Mary McIntosh argues that the term “sex worker” both means that prostitutes “are women who are paid for what they do” and that “as with other women, what they do should be respected as a skilled and effortful activity and not considered simply as a natural capacity of every woman” (1994, 13). But feminist calls for the labor involved in social reproduction to be recognized and rewarded have generally been advanced on the basis that this labor has intrinsic social worth, not simply because it is skilled and effortful. Indeed, this is partly why domestic and caring labor remains a difficult issue for feminists, for as Anderson’s work shows, socially reproductive labor does not simply fulfill physical needs but “is bound up with the reproduction of life-style and, crucially, of status” (2000, 14). So, for example, the tasks performed by paid domestic workers often serve to demonstrate or raise their employer’s status rather than having an inherent social value. There are even employers who demand that their domestic worker wash the anus of the family pet after it has defecated (Anderson 2000, 26), something which requires skill and effort, but is hardly necessary either to any individual or to our collective survival.

Given the enormity of the stigma that attaches to female prostitution and its consequences for women’s lives, it is easy to understand sex workers’ rights activists’ impulse to try to reconstruct prostitution as an intrinsically honorable profession that serves socially valuable ends. But without insisting that human beings have sexual “needs,” rather than socially constructed desires, this position is difficult to sustain. It is fairly easy to make the case that we should attach social honor to the task of changing a baby’s diaper, but hard to see how one would argue that social honor should be attached to the task of cleaning the anus of a perfectly healthy dog, or to the tasks performed by prostitutes in order to satisfy their clients’ sexual whims.

To attempt to destigmatize prostitution by insisting on its social value also carries risks as a political strategy. There is a danger of simply creating new hierarchies and fresh divisions. If prostitutes are to be respected because they undertake socially valuable work, surely those who specialize in working with severely disabled clients will be deemed somehow more respectable than those who give blow jobs to able-bodied men out on their stag night, for example? This division already exists in the Netherlands where “sex surrogates” who work with disabled people are legally and socially constructed as different from prostitutes who work with able-bodied clients. And does this argument not construct the prostitute who meets a client’s erotic needs as somehow more worthy of respect than the domestic worker who acquiesces to an employer’s demands?

In an unequal world, opportunities to devote one’s life to socially honored goals are classed, gendered and raced. The fact that an individual engages in a form of labor not considered socially valuable thus says nothing about her personal integrity or honor, and vice versa. Becoming a heart surgeon is not proof of the nobility of spirit of a white middle-class man, and becoming a university professor does not demonstrate the personal integrity of a white middle-class woman. A person’s human, civil, and labor rights, and their right to respect and social value as a human being, cannot be contingent upon whether or not they perform labor that is socially valued. The university teacher, the heart surgeon, the prostitute, and the domestic worker are all equally entitled to rights and protection as economic actors. Those who work in prostitution have rights and deserve respect not because or despite the fact they work as prostitutes, but because they are human beings. Likewise, our claim to legal recognition, rights, dignity, and respect lies in the fact that we are human beings, not that we are able-bodied or disabled, black or white, straight or gay, shoe fetishist or vanilla sex fetishist.

Behind and Beyond the Market

It is tempting to conclude that what is wrong with contemporary Euro-American feminist debate on prostitution is simply, as Delia Aguilar suggests, its lack of reference to “the basic concepts of class and social relations of production” (2000, 2). Certainly, the questions about prostitution that preoccupy many Euro-American feminists can seem irrelevant to a world in which vast numbers of people live in poverty, and the gulf between rich and poor continues to widen. Consider, for example, the fact that in India, a country with a per capita GDP of U.S.$383, some 2.3 million females are estimated to be in prostitution, a quarter of whom are minors; or that Burma, a country with a per capita GDP of just U.S.$69, exports an estimated 20,000 to 30,000 women and girls to work in prostitution in Thailand, while several thousand more cross the border into China to sell sex (Lim 1998, AMC 2000). Though some of these women and children have been forced into prostitution by a third party, it is dull economic compulsion that drives many of them into sex work, just as in America (a country with a per capita GDP of U.S.$21,558), many women and girls “elect” to prostitute themselves rather than join the 35 percent of the female workforce earning poverty-level wages (Castells 1998). To describe such individuals as exercising rights of self-sovereignty seems as spurious as stating that their prostitution represents a violation of their right to dignity. There is no dignity in poverty, which denies the person full powers of agency. Yet the right to sell one’s labor (sexual or otherwise) does not guarantee the restitution of dignity or moral agency.

But can simple appeal to basic concepts of class and social relations of production move forward the feminist debates on prostitution? Marxian analysts have rarely engaged with questions about the myriad historical and contemporary forms of sexual and gender oppression. Indeed, class theorists have often failed to critique liberal fictions about “public” and “private” as two distinct and clearly separated realms of human experience, instead focusing almost exclusively upon the injustices affecting (straight, white, male, skilled) workers in the supposedly “public” sphere of productive labor. Though they have very effectively critiqued liberal discourse on property, labor, and contractual consent as fictions concealing class power, Marxists have traditionally paid little attention to the ways in which liberal discourse shrouds and naturalizes power relations that are gendered, sexualized, and raced.
The concepts of class and social relations of production, as found in the conceptual toolbox of orthodox class theorists, may thus prove to be unwieldy instruments with which to explore the specificity of prostitution as a form of exploitation. To conceptualize prostitution without reference to questions about the relationship between sexuality, gender, selfhood, and community would be as unsatisfactory as to conceptualize prostitution without reference to class. We need to return to the fact that sex occupies a special and privileged place in both abolitionist and “sex work” feminist accounts of the rights and wrongs of prostitution. In this, both “sides” of the prostitution debate recognize and take seriously aspects of human existence and forms of oppression that are typically overlooked or trivialized in Marxian theory. What happens if we take such concerns seriously but simultaneously remain critical of liberal discourse?

Thomas Laqueur (1995) has observed that for centuries, masturbation and prostitution have been condemned with almost equal vigor in Judeo-Christian thought. Both have been constructed as fundamentally asocial, degenerative sexual practices, the antithesis of the “socially constructive act of heterosexual intercourse” (1995, 157). Both therefore represent a threat to the heterosexual family unit: “While masturbation threatened to take sexual desire and pleasure inward, away from the family, prostitution took it outward. . . . The problem with masturbation and prostitution is essentially quantitative: doing it alone and doing it with lots of people rather than doing it in pairs” (Laqueur 1995, 159–60; see also Agustin 2000).

The fact that in Euro-American societies, people who do not choose to embrace reproductive heterosexual coupledom have historically been, and still often are, viewed with such loathing, fear, and repugnance tells us something about how little we have actually managed to realize ourselves as the “abstract individuals” or “sovereign selves” of liberalism. Marx may have been correct (at least insofar as white middle-class male experience was concerned) to say that capitalism “is the realized principle of individualism; the individual existence is the final goal; activity, work, content, etc., are mere means” (in Sayer 1991, 58), but the idea of the solitary individual, as a subject, was and is conceivable primarily in relation to economic life. As sexual and engendered beings, we remain largely tied to our social context, our identities given by our position within a sexual community and gender hierarchy.

Marx observed that in the act of commodity exchange, “the individual, each of them, is reflected in himself as the exclusive and dominant (determining) subject of the exchange. With that the complete freedom of the individual is posited” (in Sayer 1991, 59). Sex radicals apply this bourgeois fiction to prostitution, imagining that by exchanging money for commodified sex, the individual is liberated from her or his fixed relationship to the sexual community, recognized as a sexual subject and set completely free. But any such “freedom” is contingent upon the existence of a particular, and highly unequal, set of political, economic, and social relations, since in general, people “choose” neither wage labor nor prostitution unless denied access to alternative means of subsistence. It is merely the “freedom” to picture the self in radical abstraction from social relations of power and to become a “despotic subject.” We need an alternative vision of the self. As Laura Brace observes, we need to “move beyond the liberal conception of the abstracted individual, without drowning the sovereign subject in the ocean of nondifferentiation” (1997, 137).

Masturbation may offer a useful starting point for any re-visioning of the sovereign sexual subject. Prostitute use can largely be understood as a response to the social devaluation of masturbation and sexual fantasy, the construction of masturbation as a form of sexual expression and experience which simply “does not count.” But as Paula Bennett and Vernon Rosario argue, “Beyond the constraints of orthodox reproductive practices, solitary pleasure is a fundamentally generative form of sexual behavior, deeply implicated in the creative process and therefore basic to much that is good and enriching in human life” (1995, 15). To recognize masturbation as such would carry enormous equalizing potential. We would not be debating whether disabled people need “sex surrogates,” but rather emphasizing the need to develop and make available technologies which would allow the disabled to enjoy the same access to solitary pleasure that is currently enjoyed by the able bodied. It would no longer be assumed that within a couple, it was each partner’s absolute responsibility to fulfill the other’s sexual “needs” or that love and emotional intimacy implied a sexual claim over our partner’s person. No one would “need” to sublimate and displace masturbation by paying a prostitute to temporarily surrender aspects of her will.

I am not proposing that we attempt to sidestep the relational nature of sexuality by simply replacing sexual interaction with masturbation, nor am I arguing that fantasies and fetishes should never be enacted. I would not even claim that masturbation and fantasy are necessarily as pleasurable or satisfying as sex with other people and/or the enactment of fantasies. But if masturbation was socially valued in the same way that heterosexual coupling now is, we would all be in a position to recognize and realize ourselves as sexual subjects, without turning anyone else into an object. And on those occasions that we happened to be lucky enough to find mutual and reciprocal desire with another or others, whether partner, friend, or stranger, it might then be possible to appreciate, value and choose non-masturbatory sex for its relational qualities and connective potential.

As well as being right to call for prostitutes to be accorded the same legal and political rights and protections as their fellow citizens, it seems to me that “sex work” feminists are right to (implicitly) argue that we should refuse traditional demands to subordinate our sexual selves to socially “productive” goals through heterosexual coupling. But if they wish to represent or advance the interests of more than just a privileged minority of “First World” women, they need to look beyond the market for an alternative to the yoke of tradition, and beyond liberal discourse on property, contractual consent, and freedom for ways of conceptualizing the rights and wrongs of prostitution as a form of work.

Notes:
I am grateful to Bridget Anderson, Jacqueline Sánchez Taylor, Laura Agustin, the individuals who refereed this paper, and above all to Laura Brace, for extremely helpful comments on the ideas in this paper.
1. The chapter provides an account of how Chapkis and twenty other women paid a “sacred prostitute” and her “consort” to provide a milieu within which they could have group sex with each other. Nobody had any form of sexual contact with the women who organized and charged for the event. It seems unlikely that many prostitutes‘ clients would part with money for this, and Chapkis does not explicitly stake out her position on the rights or wrongs of more conventional forms of prostitute use. However, it seems reasonable to conclude that she does not find anything problematic in the demand for commercial sex per se.
2. It is true that people can be profoundly harmed when they are socially, politi- cally and legally excluded or marginalized on grounds of their supposed sexual “Other- ness,” but the psychological and emotional distress they may suffer is linked to something rather more complex than the inability to instantly gratify a wish for a particular kind of sex at a particular moment in time.
3. Skilled and professional prostitutes who work independently and who are not economically desperate certainly impose limits on the contact (refusing clients who are drunk or threatening, turning down requests for unprotected sex, or for sexual acts that they find particularly intrusive or unpleasant, for example). But few prostitutes would be able to make a living if they only ever agreed to sex with clients they found attractive or to perform acts they personally found sexually or psychologically gratifying.
References
Aguilar, Delia. 2000 Questionable claims: Colonialism redux, feminist style. Race & Class. 41 (3): 1–12.
Agustin, Laura. Those who leave home for sex—and those who are opposed to it. Paper presented to International Institute for the Sociology of Law “Sexuality and the State” workshop, Onati, Spain, 14–16 June 2000.
Alexander, Priscilla. Feminism, sex workers’ rights and human rights. In Whores and other feminists, ed. Jill Nagle. London: Routledge, 1997: 83–97.
AMC. Asian Migrant Yearbook. Hong Kong: Asian Migrant Center, 2000.
Anderson, Bridget. 2000. Doing the dirty work? The global politics of domestic labour.
London: Zed.
Barry, Kathleen. 1995. The prostitution of sexuality. New York: New York University
Press.
Bell, Shannon. 1994. Reading, writing and rewriting the prostitute body. Bloomington:
Indiana University Press.
Bennett, Paula and Vernon Rosario. 1995. The politics of solitary pleasures. In Solitary
pleasures, ed. Paula Bennett and Vernon Rosario. New York: Routledge.
Brace, Laura. 1997. Imagining the boundaries of a sovereign self. In Reclaiming sover-
eignty, ed. Laura Brace and John Hoffman. London: Pinter.
Braverman, Harry. 1974. Labor and monopoly capital. New York: Monthly Review
Press.
Cabezas, Amalia 1999. Women’s work is never done: Sex tourism in Sosúa, the Domini-
can Republic. In Sun, sex and gold: Tourism and sex work in the Caribbean, ed.
Kamala Kempadoo. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield.
Califia, Pat. 1994. Public sex: The culture of radical sex. Pittsburgh: Cleis Press. Castells, Manuel. 1998. End of millennium. Oxford: Blackwell.
Chapkis, Wendy. 1997. Live sex acts: Women performing erotic labour. London: Cassell.
De Beauvoir, Simone. 1953. The second sex. London: Penguin.
Hochschild, Arlie. 1983. The managed heart. Commercialization of human feeling. Berke-
ley: University of California Press.
Jeffreys, Sheila. 1997. The idea of prostitution. Melbourne: Spinifex.
Kempadoo, Kamala, and Jo Doezema, eds. 1998 Global sex workers: Rights, resistance
and redefinition. New York: Routledge.
Laqueur, Thomas. 1995. The social evil, the solitary vice, and pouring tea. In Solitary
pleasures, ed. Paula Bennett and Vernon Rosario. New York: Routledge.
Lim, Lin Leam. 1998. The sex sector: The economic and social bases of prostitution in
Southeast Asia. Geneva: ILO.
Locke, John. 1993. The second treatise on civil government (1689). In Locke’s political
writings, ed. David Wootton. London: Penguin.
McIntosh, Mary. The feminist debate on prostitution. Paper presented to BSA Annual
Conference, Sexualities in Context. Preston, UK, 28–31 March 1994.
Nagel, Jill, ed. 1997. Whores and other feminists. London: Routledge.
O’Connell Davidson, Julia. 1998. Prostitution, power and freedom. Cambridge: Polity.
. 2001. The sex tourist, the expatriate, his ex-wife and her “other”: The politics of loss, difference and desire. Sexualities. 4 (1): 5–24.
O’Connell Davidson, Julia, and Jacqueline Sánchez Taylor. 1999. Fantasy islands: Exploring the demand for sex tourism. In Sun, sex and gold: Tourism and sex work in the Caribbean, ed. Kamala Kempadoo. Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield.
Pateman, Carole. 1988. The sexual contract. Cambridge: Polity.
Perkins, Roberta, and Gary Bennett. 1985. Being a prostitute. St Leonards, New South
Wales: Allen and Unwin.
Queen, Carol. 1997. Sex radical politics, sex-positive feminist thought, and whore
stigma. In Whores and other feminists, ed. Jill Nagle. London: Routledge.
Rubin, Gayle. 1999. Thinking sex: Notes for a radical theory of the politics of sexuality. In Culture, society and sexuality: A reader, ed. Richard Parker and Peter Aggleton.
London: UCL.
Sánchez Taylor, Jacqueline. 2001. Dollars are a girl’s best friend? Female tourists’ sexual
behaviour in the Caribbean. Sociology. 35 (3): 749–64.
Sayer, Derek. 1991. Capitalism and modernity: An excursus on Marx and Weber. London:
Routledge.
Uddin, Farin, Monira Sultana, and Sultan Mahmud. Childhood in the red light zone:
Growing up in the Daulatdia and Kandapara brothel communities of Bangladesh.
Report for Save the Children Australia. 2001 forthcoming.
Vance, Carol. 1984. Pleasure and danger: Exploring female sexuality. Boston: Routledge
& Kegan Paul.
Walkowitz, Judith. 1980. Prostitution and Victorian society: Women, class and the state.
Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Joke’s on You

As I write this, I’m planning my first European Vacation. I was digging through old writing tidbits and found this short but interesting post I forgot I wrote. Enjoy!

I like bad puns. My father and I maintain contact by sharing ‘dadjokes’ back and forth and remembering days past. Whenever I see a potential source for new ones I peruse it eagerly, thinking of the easy days when dad was young and carefree and so was I. In perusing one of many sources for the charming yet elusive dad joke, I found this one:

A man and a woman went on a fishing trip. The man wasn’t feeling well so he stayed in bed while the woman took the boat and went on the lake to read a book. The game warden comes by and seeing all the fishing gears in the boat, asks her for her fishing license. She said it was her husband’s gear and she was just reading. The warden says to her it doesn’t matter. She has all the equipments on board and could start anytime. The women than tells him if he writes her a ticket, she would accuse him of sexual aggression. Shocked, the warden why she would do that ?!? She responds that he has all the equipment and could start anytime.

Because I choose to follow mostly sex workers and sex work rights activists on social media, I see a lot of articles and sound bytes about nonsense, exaggerations, outright lies, and abuses by cops. They are generally our greatest threat and operate with a long reign and loose collar when it comes to erotic service providers. The above is a joke but it is so incredibly similar to real life instances where women are arrested because they look like working girls or they’re carrying the wrong things in their purses that my laughter gets a bit choked off. I’m no expert. I know only my own experience but I’ve seen enough news activity to see in this more irony than I think is intended.