Power Under You

Some have disparaged sex workers for “making money lying on their backs.” First, that kind of sounds like they make money by sleeping which sounds freaking awesome.

In reality they’re making an argument on power dynamics. It’s the idea of a woman debasing herself, permitting a client to exercise control over her very body, allowing him intimate access. The thing is, the only way this intimacy and access is repulsive is if it is absent consent. Those who look down on sex work look down on it because they imagine that anyone to whom they would deny consent is someone everyone would deny consent. They imagine themselves in this situation and feel revulsion, fear, a deep desire to maintain control and deny consent. What they fail to imagine is that someone else might not share those feelings. Funny, this seems to be the core of most conflicts.

I had the chance to sit across from Sierra Cirque for a while yesterday afternoon and we briefly lit on consent and power dynamics in a sub/Dom relationship. In a healthy relationship with that power dynamic, the submissive is the powerful partner. The submissive is the one who dictates what activities will and will not occur and has the power to stop all activity immediately. Those guidelines are outlined outside of the scene or play in order that the submissive may feel totally comfortable under the ministrations of the dominant partner. It means that, inside the scene, the submissive partner can totally surrender, relax, absorb the sensations, and enjoy the release from responsibility.

When you come to me and agree to lay nude on my table and let me touch you intimately, you are assuming the submissive role. We don’t generally sit and outline do’s and don’t’s because the activities we engage in are commonly understood but I do constantly monitor your body’s reactions and ask permission to proceed if you seem nervous or uncomfortable. You get to completely relax in the knowledge that I will only do to and with you things you want and I will do them very well. I am the dominant partner but truly you are in control.

In a full service capacity, the client is often the doer. You may passively receive oral but most other common sexual activity is done by the penetrating party to the penetrated party so a vanilla ‘GFE’ full service session involves the client in the dominant role and the provider in the submissive role. But as we saw before, the submissive is truly the one in control. The provider can deny consent to any activity at any time; all good clients, trustworthy dominants, will stop. The provider is NOT in a position of base subservience to the client, regardless of how it may appear from the outside. No one who has been in a healthy sexual relationship can mistake that dynamic.

While it does occur that clients will proceed despite revoked consent it is NOT common and the consequences can range from blacklisting to revenge to LE intervention, depending on the provider. When we screen, whether by name, references, or tone of voice, we are making sure that you are a trustworthy dominant, that when we say yellow you slow down and when we say red you will stop.

So while many sex workers spend a good deal of time in missionary position, we are far from helpless victims of evil men wishing to exercise complete control over our fragile feminine selves. I don’t know any of my sisters who hate the idea of ‘making money on their backs’ as long as it’s the correct amount as listed on her ad or website, haha.

In other news, Sierra Cirque is seriously a cool cat with an extraordinarily broad repertoire of sexual skills. If you’re looking for a tall slender brunette to do all sorts of fun, naughty, and possibly intense things to you, you should hook up. Www.sierracirque.com