I write sometimes.

Welcome to my new website!

It has been… a lot for me.

Since the beginning of the year:

I have been the chaperone for not one, not two, but three dental procedures requiring anesthesia.
My website was entirely deleted, with very little notice, and I had to rebuild it from scratch.
My grandma passed. I made sure all her family was able to attend the funeral, including flights and driving.
I have been assigned executor for both my parents’s wills. Yes, it’s related to the above.
I was primary dog walker, among other caretaking duties, for a friend who got a new liver recently.
I inherited a dog. Yes, it’s related to the above.
I inherited a mortgage. Yes, it’s related to the above.
Taxes are due in a couple of weeks?

It’s only April, guys.

What did I do? HA!

While some of my previous failures to post have been due to other things, namely my own executive dysfunction, this past few months I don’t feel so bad. It’s been one fire after another, plus trying to maintain my life in between. I’ve been to the gym twice in six weeks, and only in the presence of focused friends have I managed to run with any regularity. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be writing this if Phryne hadn’t looked me in the eye and said “What can I do? How can I help? Do you need an admin date?” in response to me caterwauling at my own lack of digital upkeep.

All things considered, I am ok.

In fact, I might be better than ok. I have support from every angle. From my family: I have gratitude and understanding from nearly every corner, and from absolutely every corner I value. My friends are kind, thoughtful, loving, and helpful. My clients are kind, reliable, understanding, flexible, and pretty fucking hot. I write this in the company of a good friend and a good dog, with the love and support of all the people closest to me. Whatever they future holds, I will be as safe and loved as my people can make me, and that’s a lot of safe and loved.

Because so many people live today alone. Feeling unloved. Unsupported. Unseen. Maybe one of these people is you.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. It’s bleak world right now. Tricky to navigate. Catfishes. Scammers. Pandemics. Secret files. Wars. Gas prices. Job insecurity. And I guess we’re planning to go to the moon again soon?

But the world has been bleak before. The end of the Pax Romana. The crucifixion of Christ. World wars. Genocides. Pandemics. Recessions.

And yet…

We survive.

We make friends.

We make love.

Things feel heavy right now. Here in this moment, it’s so hard to see the end.

As it was every time before.

The Roman Empire fell into the dark ages, but the dark ages weren’t as dark as we thought. Christ’s death seeded a new movement centering by love and forgiveness. World wars have inspired globe spanning peace pacts. Pandemics broke new ground for accessibility worldwide. Recessions remind us to think small and see our neighbors.

The world will not end today. It won’t end tomorrow. Humanity is resilient, and I have hope that when we bounce back, we will bounce back hard enough to find space for the small and the vulnerable; people who find it difficult or impossible to care for themselves. In the meantime, I live with several mantras.

First: The Time is the Point.

Learn a new skill, try a new hobby, go for a walk without a plan. When you notice that nagging impatience, that little voice that says “you should be better at this” and “you should get this faster” reply: “Shhhhhh. Breathe. The time is the point.” You’re not here to insta-learn, or skills-maxx, as the young-uns are calling it. You’re here to live.

Second: It’s Gonna Be OK.

People come and go, life rises and falls. Beings come into our lives and leave them. Our purposes become clear and cloudy by turns. It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok.

And finally: Something is Better Than Nothing.

It’s so hard to do everything. The gym, the dog, the family, the job, the getting enough sunshine and going to the doctor. Calling friends, playing games, keeping up… It’s exhausting!

Until you realize that something is better than nothing. That 20 minutes at the gym is better than none. That a phone call instead of an in person walk is acceptable. That two out of three tasks will do. That a five minute doggy potty break helps. One minute of meditating while you brush your teeth is better than no minutes…

…

The time is the point.

It’s going to be ok.

And something is better than nothing.

…

…

The time is the point.

It’s going to be ok.

Something is better than nothing.

…

…

…

Also you should touch boobies whenever you can. They’re great!

Tell me, my friends. Tell me the things you think when you walk through my door. For the first time. The next. The tenth.

When you first saw me, if you remember: What do I look like?

Now that you know me: how do I make you feel? One word, ten, or a thousand. All are welcome.

And, should you have the chance, what would you change? About me, my place, my offerings… my perfume? What would make you just that touch more excited to see me?

Answers may be posted anonymously in the comments, or emailed to my work wife who will strip them of identifying data (though not of tone or content) and posted as edits below. You could also simply email me your answers, but that feels like it robs the exercise of it’s purpose.

I am absurdly curious, and in need of new ways to tell people who have never met me that they should.

What was that all about?

Welcome to my new and… improved? website.

I got an email in December from my web host, Red Umbrella, letting me (and everyone else) know that she was shuttering the hosting arm of her service package.

I switched from host gator to Red Umbrella after SESTA/FOSTA, amid concerns over privacy and free speech and such. A lot of us were concerned that US based companies would proactively shutter our websites, and I wanted to get ahead of it.

It was great! She’s a lovely human and kept it fairly simple and straight forward. I’d built my last website, and the one before that… building another one, with newer photos and an updated theme sounded like a fun project! I was happy with it for a long time.

Of course, over time, people change, and I had started thinking sometime last year that I was a different person. First off: I weigh 20 pounds less than I did in my header image, and my hair is a solid foot longer. Secondly: I’ve maybe come down to earth a bit. I’m still a pretty high energy person, but between “miz franch littel gerl frond” and now, I’ve grown up some more.

And grown tired? ha!

I’ve grown callouses from lifting weights and picking chords, grown a wardrobe and a style, and most of all: confidence. I find I need less and less to hear that I am wise, or good, or kind, or pretty. Because I know those things to be true in a way I didn’t before. Because I’ve worked towards making those things true in ways that I respect.

Also I’ve grown a habit for procrastination.

That’s not true, I’ve always procrastinated. But I’ve also always had fear and insecurity nipping at my heels. I didn’t need strategies to motivate myself, because fear is powerful enough on it’s own.

Incidentally, I wonder if that’s why there are so many wealthy folks who still chase money? Perhaps they’ve not yet mastered their fear?

Aaaaaanyway.

I procrastinated, and did not export my website before my term ended. Then there came a series of irritating technical issues with my domain registrar and name records and blah blah blah.

So here we are. With a lot of new words and not a lot of new design. Also not a ton of new photos. I’ve been procrastinating on that, too.

But I have discovered a solution!

Admin dates.

Body doubling by appointment with ladies I love and work with. We bring our computers, we bring our brains, we sometimes bring snacks, and we get. shit. done.

Which is why this is finally happening today, after more than two weeks being down. Thank you Rose for coming to my rescue.

I apologize for what must have been a bit of a shock. Maybe not as bad as January 2016, for some of us, but not fun in any case.

I further apologize to you and myself: I did not export my blog. I stopped double posting to my current website and my old blog back in 2021. Everything since then still exists… in the pages on my personal computer. Sigh.

As my admin dates become a more regular thing, I expect to finally finish all the drafts I’ve had sitting around for the past year, and in the process I will unearth, refresh, and repost whatever I can find.

In the meantime I hope you enjoy rereading old thoughts, and seeing you soon, now that, you know, the website is back. lol.

www.divinadaemon.com