First off, let’s establish that I hate the term sugar daddy. I don’t like being in an imbalanced power dynamic and I’m certainly not going to call anyone daddy. I’m going to say patron for ease of use.
I’ve tried seeking arrangement and what I’ve found is a pool of men across all demographics who have one thing in common: they want to find a girl who behaves professionally, but doesn’t charge professional prices. They want her to be on time, always ready for sex, free of complications such as boyfriends or health issues or personalities. They’re looking for someone who will commit to frequent multi-hour appointments as well as communication in between while only asking for a few thousand a month. Sometimes they want to ‘mentor’ young women which might be truly helpful for some but in my case, I don’t like unsolicited advice. Other times they don’t want to offer real money, even such small amounts, so they offer gifts that might be nice to have after bills are paid but until then are simply baggage. They want their ‘baby’ to prove herself without proving themselves in return and they want to be thanked for it.
I find that kind of behavior infuriating from both sides. A successful sugar baby walks a line where she gives enough to whet the appetite but holds out for more. One provider I know did it in college with something like “I’d love to go on a date with you but my power bill is stressing me out so much I don’t think I could relax enough to enjoy it. You’re willing to pay my bill for me? Oh my goodness thank you SO much!” Once word got round that if you paid a bill for her she’d put out, she didn’t pay her own bills unless she wanted to. I just don’t have the skill to tease it out like that. Girls have to play dumb to make it with these guys and I don’t know if you’ve met me yet but playing dumb, well let’s just say it’s not my strong suit.
That said, when a client evolves into a patron, it forms one of the most fun, pleasant, mutually rewarding dynamics I’ve ever known.
I my experience, there are three general phases: client, regular, and patron
First, we jump through each others hoops. You’ve undergone screening, didn’t haggle, showed up on time, etc. I’ve showed up clean and on time, provided services as advertised, look like my pictures, etc. After meeting a few times, we’ve gotten to know each other, maybe you’ve tipped or offered gifts, maybe I’ve been more flexible for you… This is when we move towards regular status.
Generally we get along. I like smart men who like smart women. I like ribald and thoughtful conversation. When we’re together, it’s easy. We’ve seen each other either long enough, often enough, or under unusual enough circumstances that we share some inside jokes now. We’ve maybe tried something different and our sessions have morphed. If it’s been a while since I’ve seen you I notice it and wonder after you. You care and you mean it. You’re a regular client.
Most of the people I see are people who have settled into the regular phase. It’s comfortable and lovely and when I see your name on my calendar I get excited. Then there are a very few who created a special arrangement. Either explicitly or organically, you became my patron. These arrangements don’t look the same from person to person but they all are based on mutual respect and appreciation and a great deal of self awareness and clever witty banter. They also involve more commitment on both parts, so they’re not a good fit for most people which is why it happen so rarely.
When I was negotiating with these potential ‘daddies’ on SA (and can I say, some of them were just gross. Give daddy his new baby? That is not cute), in the back of my mind I had this sense of shame. What was I doing, putting up with the suspicion and constant need for attention and lack of follow through when I had this beautiful group of regulars and patrons who never asked that of me? How disrespectful to my clients was it to tolerate this crap from others when they have never asked me to? I lasted about a week before deleting my profile.
This was sparked partly by a TNA discussion on finding a girl to patronize, partly by my seven day dabbling, and partly because I’ve talked to people about arrangements like this before and really, they only work well when they evolve slowly. I can’t enter into a special agreement without equality and mutual respect and that rarely happens without spending time together first.
As always, I owe a great deal to my regular clients and my patrons. My financial security, my ability to assert myself, my strengthening sene of self, and of course a fair number of orgasms, haha. Thank you for jumping through my hoops so I could learn to trust you, for allowing me to pamper you with all I can muster because with your attitude and affection, you’ve earned it.