It always reassures me when gents who are obviously physically superior enter my incall shaking with nervousness. The nerves don’t often last long but knowing that they care so deeply that I am safe and comfortable that it manifests visibly reminds me of some advice I got as a teen: “you have a power over men. Be careful with it and be kind.” I wish more women knew that.

Men have power in strength. Larger and stronger on average than women, men have the potential to exercise that power at any time for any reason. Fortunately it doesn’t happen as often against women as against other men but when it does (still too often) it is obvious and society chooses to punish it. When women exercise our power to confuse, distract, manipulate, and grant favor it is far less obvious and, because of the visible power of men over women, is often dismissed or ignored. Because of the quiet nature of women’s power, many women don’t even know they have it. I firmly believe that if women recognized their power and realized there is no shame in using it responsibly we might have far fewer hot buttons in society.

The first time I met Maggie McNiel she mentioned giving a ‘pity fuck.’ She wrote about it in a column I had read a while ago and it’s been rattling around in my brain for a while. The idea behind it is having sex with someone you woudn’t normally choose to in order to help them physically, psychologically, or socially. A totally selfless act that often goes uncompensated and in some cases creates dangerous attachment. The terminology turns me off a bit but the intent I think is wholesome. What if we called it sex from compassion? What if when we see a need we have the power to meet we choose to rise above our pride and distaste to educate and care for. Perhaps it’s a dream but imagine if it wasn’t shameful to seek out care and love in the arms of a priestess. Imagine if the angry, the confused, and the lonely didn’t have to spend every night in solitude. Imagine if there was a substantial number of gracious women who hold as their respectable duty to society to make sure that no one is unloved always. What if each young man and woman were taught to make love with care by someone who knows how? What if sexual surrogacy wasn’t just for the physically disabled but also for the isolated and the sad? It may be crude to quote from Spiderman in a blog about sexual power but as Uncle Ben said: “With great power comes great responsibility.” What could we do for the world if we recognized and valued this power? It’s a thought.