Good afternoon, dear friends. Most of you already know what I’m about to tell you, but this is for all my beloveds who still struggle to present me with an appetizing plate off which to devour them.
I am terribly sensitive to scent. I love the smell of warm raspberries in the summer, of hot, fresh sweat, of clean cock and healthy tongues. I do not love the smell of rank underwear, that bit of breakfast stuck behind a molar, the goop that accumulates under foreskin, or a cute brown starfish lain untouched for days.
And so, after politely declining to do anything other than avoid the areas, I write this.
If you have found my kissing to lack a certain depth:
-When brushing, make sure to also brush your tongue. Food, coffee, and bacteria settle between your taste buds, lying in wait for your friendly french kisser to discover. Several hearty swipes with a brush will both clear that out, and possibly surprise you.
-Do a swish and gargle with mouth wash after your shower, and after we eat if we’re eating in. Don’t be shy. You’re alone in the bathroom; no one is going to look at you funny if you make chipmunk faces while swishing that minty freshness back and forth.
-When you do brush, do it after you eat, not right before you arrive. Microabrasions may open you to bacteria and other unwanteds if you later use your mouth on something else.
If you have wished for a blowjob that never arrived:
-If you’ve “taken a shower” and your penis, scrotum, perineum, or anus still carry unpleasant odors, I will decline to put my nose near them. Your soapy hands should touch your penis, scrotum, perineum, AND anus when you are in my shower, preparing yourself to be licked. This topic of cleaning cocks is so commonly avoided that the Australian Government had to publish a how to guide for citizens.
-If you have a foreskin, this is even more important. Odors, urine, and… goop… can accumulate during the day, even in just an hour or so. This is particularly relevant if you haven’t done it in a while. No one likes to find out the hard way why it’s called cheese.
-If you have skin folds from gaining or losing weight, congratulations! Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to. Remember that odors can accumulate under them. It is important to wash there, with soap, regularly. Particularly right before getting intimate.
Other notes:
-Your clothes washer occasionally needs to be washed. A healthy dose of distilled white vinegar or bleach in an empty load should do the trick.
-Your shower towel may also need to be washed on occasion, particularly if it isn’t hung to dry fully between showers.
-If these two things are done, then your clothes, after washing, will be brilliantly fresh, and so, therefore, will you!
I wish I didn’t need to say these things. And usually I don’t. But if you’re receiving a link to this post as a follow up to our last visit, then I did, and so I am.