How To Ho

Getting started in independent full service sex work is super easy. The trick is being safe and doing it well.

To see a client tonight, all a girl needs to do is:

  • Get a burner app on your phone
  • Take some photos with your phone, a nice camera if you have one
  • Google ‘escorts in [your city]’ and post an ad on whichever ad platform from the first page of results you can get on most easily
  • Answer your phone

With an hour of work you can, theoretically, see your first client that day and make instant money. It won’t be much and you’re going to be less safe without screening, but if you need cash fast, the only faster way to get into sex work is to put on a short skirt and high heels and walk your local strip late at night. I strongly advise against trying either of the above suggestions. Rushing into sex work is a bad idea; a lot of things can go wrong and desperation breeds carelessness. There is a class of clients that thrive on desperate sex workers and it is not a pleasant class. The above suggestions are the best ways to find them.

With a week’s lead time, you can add what I would consider the rest of the absolute must haves to be a basic escort. In order to see your first client within a week, you would need to:

  • Get a proton mail email address, cheap phone in cash from the drug store, and a free wix, weebly, wordpress, or other website using a fake name. You’ll want a day or two to write web copy, I suggest reading other escort’s websites for ideas.
  • While you’re thinking about that, you’ll want to go down the list of google search results from earlier and sign up for every single one you can. This will take time and often involves verifying your identity and/or age. This is something you can choose not to do, you’ll just want to weigh the risks against the rewards of each individual ad platform. I have a spreadsheet with all the ad platforms I’m on to help me keep them straight.
  • Once you’ve gotten your ad or ads up, you’ll start getting inquiries. They often come slow at first. Even now I still only see about one new person per week. Building a client base can take over a year so don’t get frustrated.

This is where rubber meets the road. How do you know which inquiries are real? How do you screen new clients so you can be a little more sure you’ll be safe? How do you say no to unreasonable requests when the offer of several hundred dollars is so tempting? How do you deal with time wasters and no-shows? How do you encourage clients to book more time or come back again soon?

Some of this just comes with time. Our bullshit meters get more finely tuned all the time but right at first, it’s easy to get stars in your eyes and put up with extremely uncomfortable things because you’re getting paid. You’re going to wade through a ton of crap. There is a class of client that smells fresh meat and will do all they can to get as much as possible out of you for as little as possible. It’s best if you can avoid these guys but sometimes you can’t or don’t and that’s ok. They won’t usually hurt you, they’ll just be demoralizing. Experience will teach you a lot. Some of us learn to manage or avoid bad clients faster than others. It helps to remember that this is on-the-job training and you’re getting paid quite well for it.

Some of this whole client management thing is common sense. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. If a request is incredibly elaborate and you haven’t actually met the client yet, it’s probably not going to happen. If someone no-shows once, they’ll definitely do it again. I take people at face value but create hurdles that only a serious inquirer will jump. I’ve also put policies in place that allow me to not be angry, simply follow through on my policies. If the client doesn’t like it, they don’t have to comply but if they don’t, I don’t have to see them again.

Though I can’t tell you how to filter out every bit of junk you’ll encounter, I can help you stay SAFE. The simplest way to stay safe is to only see clients who come with references. References require no technical skill to get and are the equivalent of you receiving a review from a client: not a promise of future good behavior, but at least a record of being safe, clean, arriving on time, and paying in full. It’s a way for providers to help watch out for each other and it’s a well known system in the US.

To get a reference, you ask the potential client for two or three other providers that can vouch for them, their email addresses, and their websites. You’ll want to check them out, see if they’ve been around a while or if it’s all new girls (possible fake providers the client created), see if they seem to know what they’re doing, and in the meantime learn who your colleagues are. Once you’ve verified that the references are really providers, you send them an email politely introducing yourself and giving the client’s name, phone if you have it, and email address. Ask if they’ve seen the client and if so, were they a client the provider would be willing to see again. Thank them profusely when they reply, no matter what the answer is.

If their answer is no or negative or makes you not see the client for any reason, DO NOT tell the client they got a bad reference. You can say their references didn’t get back to you, you can say you found them on a blacklist somewhere, you can say you decided against it based on their email address, anything you can think of, but never out a provider as having given a negative reference. At best it can let the client know how to get around someone else’s screening, at worst you can put the other lady’s safety at risk.

You will eventually get a sense for what a real, good client sounds like and what crappy ones do and should be able to hone your alternative screening methods, but until then figure out who your peer group is and thank them. Thank them and follow up if the client behaved badly. Sometimes clients will use the same reference to see many new ladies and will treat the new girls badly. Unless their reference knows, it might not end for a long time. Be professional, be polite, be reasonable, and learn as much as you can.

If you choose to offer real world information screening, please be careful with the client’s information. Encrypt your forms and your email, delete what you don’t need, and never, ever use the info irresponsibly. In cases of rape, robbery, and assault, yes, seek legal action and pull no punches, but think twice before going after someone just for being a jerk.

I’m not going to give any advice on real world screening because I don’t recommend it for newbies. Until you have a plan in place to use that info, it’s useless anyway and that’s something you’ll learn later.

Ok. You have a website, an email address, and a phone number, none of which have your legal name on them. You have some ads up in some places, paid or otherwise, verified or not, depending. You can accept and give references, and you’re getting client inquiries that are turning into real appointments. Now what.

Outcall only is going to be the cheapest and easiest way to meet clients. With outcall, theres a higher risk of getting caught in a sting or meeting an unsafe client. They are more at home in their homes so you MUST have a safe call person who actually worries. They will have the client’s address, name when possible, and know when you are supposed to arrive and when you are supposed to leave. They will call you five minutes after your appointment ends and if after three attempts you don’t pick up, they will send the cops.

This is a case of do as I say, not as I do, because I used to go overtime on my calls all the time. My safe call person knew my tendency and it worried them to no end but we never actually called the cops. This was a bad idea for several reasons which you are welcome to explore for yourself if you wish.

Cops like doing stings in hotel rooms. If you are arranging an outcall with a client you have not met before, even if they come with good references, do not answer any questions involving money or sexual acts. It’s frustrating as hell that you can’t talk about, say, doing anal, before your appointment, or even after you arrive, because it’s a pretty common upsell but it’s a very good way for you to get convicted. You’ll never avoid being arrested if you end up seeing an officer, but it’s not illegal to have sex with strangers, and it’s not illegal to get paid to come hang out with someone. Your best strategy to avoid actually getting charged with prostitution and/or getting that charge taken all the way to court is to shut your mouth. If your client asks how much extra it is for anal, or how much it is for an hour, oh and does that include oral, or what do you do, or what are your do’s and don’ts… all of those are questions designed to get you to agree to a specific act for a specific dollar amount. The best answer to any of those questions is a kiss and a smile.

Also, check your local laws to see if officers are allowed to finish a session in the course of their investigation. In some places it’s illegal but in many places you can get arrested by someone who you’ve seen several times. Just be aware.

That’s outcall. Incall is better in some ways and worse in others. You won’t entirely avoid all risk of stings in an incall, but you do cut down on the chances, and it gives you so much more control over ingress and egress, the vibe of the space, comfort, consistency, and it’s the number one thing that will get you your regular repeat clients. You can be the absolute best provider of all time but if your clients can’t come to you, many will see you a lot less often. The biggest downside is the financial commitment. Even if you’re only renting a hotel room for the night, it’s still a decent chunk of change that you won’t get back if your client flakes on you.

I prefer an apartment to hotels because I can spread my client load out to where it’s comfortable. Sure, it’s a high monthly commitment, but even if you only get one client per day, five days a week, there’s a good apartment paid for. Also lugging all my stuff around sounds like a nightmare.

It’s incredibly common to share a space. Two providers in one apartment can support the rent on a decent, convenient place and still stay low enough volume to avoid attracting attention and keep themselves healthy and happy. Three appointments in a day, total, is a good cap for an apartment incall. In a hotel you could get away with more than that, particularly in the evenings when foot traffic is high.

Now you’ve got a way for clients to find you, a way for them to contact you, and a place for them to see you… how to give them a good time and keep them coming back?

That’s on you. The basics: be on time, be clean, render services as advertised… those are easy. If you’re a 7/10 and you can do those things, you’re already in the 50th percentile. You will have clients, maybe not oodles of them, but they’ll be there and they’ll get consistent after a while and you’ll learn with time how to avoid and/or kick out the crappy ones.

Other thoughts for new girls:

We’ve established that anyone can make it in this business. With enough time and hard work, anyone can establish a heavy client load and high rates. How much time and hard work it takes depends on many things, some you can control, many you can’t.

Age. Younger women attract more clients. In my opinion the ideal age is 24-32 for appealing to the widest range of clients but the realistic age range for a successful full service sex worker is 21 to around 55. Too young and you only attract the worst clients, too old and the pool of potential clients starts to shrink. I know successful ladies both younger and older than that but they have to work a LOT harder and they see a lot more bullshit.

Size. Small girls, both short and slim, tend to attract a larger client pool. Everyone knows this, it shouldn’t be a surprise. That said, slim in this industry looks a lot different than it does in pop culture. At 5’1” and 135 pounds, I’m considered athletic, slim, and I’m just barely too big to be a ‘spinner.’ There is a niche for every body type, but the niche for athletic/slim is bigger than most of the rest. The vast majority of the successful ladies I know would not fit in on the cover of a magazine.

Attractiveness. Again, it’s all about the client pool. Most clients care more about who you are than what your face looks like but it helps to have the face. Most of us hide our faces in our advertising anyway and it’s rare for a client to leave after they arrive unless you’re clearly not the person in the pictures or you’re an absolute troll. And even then, makeup and marketing can make a huge difference.

Race. In the US and in many other places, unfortunately, white girls have the upper hand. The client pool for a black or brown provider is going to be both smaller and more likely to fetishize race. It’s not going to keep you from success, it’s just going to take more time and hard work. Which is fucked up, but it’s important to know.

Rates. The more expensive you are, the smaller your client pool. There’s a sweet spot for everyone where you attract enough of the right kind of client to keep you happy. There’s a rate at which you’ll attract cheap bargain hunters and repel people who are looking for ‘class’, whatever that means to them. There’s a rate at which the vast majority of clients will simply not be able to afford to see you. Somewhere in the middle is a rate that keeps out the riff riff but welcomes regular visitors.

Smarts. You don’t have to have book learning to be a successful escort but it helps to have world experience. Travel, read, get involved in your community, give your kids their best life, go to concerts, eat good food, take classes… longer appointments involve a lot of talking and if you’ve got nothing to say, those longer appointments come few and far between.

If you are a 50 year old, big beautiful black woman who is dumb as a box of rocks and asking 1000/hour, there will be clients out there for you, but you’re going to have to work your ass off to find them. If you are a 23 year old petite white girl with two years of world travel and a degree asking 100/hour, you’re going to be drowning in mediocre dick. And I would tell both of you you were idiots. Find your sweet spot and when you feel comfortable, don’t budge. When you’re uncomfortable, make changes.

I wish I had known:

When I got started, I should have started my mailing list and newsletter right away. Three years of email addresses and amazing clients I have no way of reaching now because I didn’t manage their information. Having a blog has done more to add legitimacy to my practice than any reviews, which is good since they’re mostly gone now. My twitter feed and reddit account get me a client now and again but I feel they’re more useful as secondary legitimizing agents than primary advertising platforms. Although with things going the way they are, who knows.

I take out the bathroom trash in between (most) appointments and extinguish the candles so each client doesn’t feel the presence of the last, whether they are two days or two hours removed. Everyone gets a glass of water, a how do you do, thank you, and a lingering goodbye. Everyone is sincerely enjoyed, in one way or another. Everyone is special, is fun, is a different kind of pleasurable. Everyone is served in a different way. You’re going to meet a huge range of people, weird and spectacular, and if you don’t have an open mind and the ability to respond dynamically to new circumstances, you may end up with a very short career.

If you can’t take this blog and book your first appointment within a month, then this probably isn’t a good industry for you, or at least it’s not the right time. There is a boldness required to enter an illegal and highly personal industry. Very few of us had a blog post or a manual when we got started, we just googled a lot and read some vague books, looked at websites or started with an agency. We fucked up a bunch and learned by trial and error. No one told us to make sure we get a .ch url and a proton mail account, that the ‘touch check’ for law enforcement is a myth, that we should screen a certain way. No one stood there telling us we’re good enough, we’re worth it, that we can still do better. No one else is going to do that for you. This work can be isolating. It’s highly stigmatized no matter where you live and it’s going to make the pool of people willing to date you much, much smaller. You’ll probably trust the wrong people once or twice and you’ll probably get scared a few times, but if this is something you’re made for, you’ll know.

Some of my thoughts and advice won’t work for anyone and most of it won’t work for everyone. Some of these things are hard to hear but I don’t think it’s fair to only talk about how easy and great it is. It isn’t easy to do it well and it’s not always great. But if you can read this and take the leap, it could be the start of an amazing adventure.

Clients: feel free to share this when it seems appropriate. I’ll be linking to it whenever it seems right and hoping it helps.

2 Replies to “How To Ho”

  1. You certainly have a real gift for expressing yourself quite thoroughly with empathy, total devotion, passion, and directness. I absolutely admire your no – holds – barred – blunt writing you seem to convey exactly what you are thinking which is refreshing. I feel drawn to what you are all about.

    And I feel if what you write, how you choose to write it, and why if your even half of that in person face to face you must be incrediable companion to be with.

    I had my very first experience with a provider two weeks ago, a relaxed 4 hour dinner date with some kissing and intimacy afterwards and very next day 6-hours together. I discovered the entire time very illuminating, she didn’t have much to go on about what I liked because I was un-sure of how much information to provide intially in email introduction because I was very fearful of rejection. My sexual history is very complicated, limiting and was somewhat destructive mentally, and emotionally for me. Two days ago we have texted and chatted about how I was feeling and why, and how I felt she was trying to please me and how I felt it was not working there was a disconnect I felt she switched gears from sexual sensual to just talking about other stuff and listening to me and that was ok.

    [I have redacted some personal information I feel is more appropriate for a private connection than a public comment -Amie]

    Anyway, reading some of your Blog entries have helped me understand how impertative intial first email communication is. It is just the not knowing as every provider is different and I read about 200 different provider profiles/website gleening a lot of invalueable info from [redacted]. There are many companions there that captured what am attracted to which is someone whom is genuine, real and empathic truely.

    I have cried this morning after reading at least two of your entries.

    I have been reading all of your blog entries this morning here in FL while performing my research whom to book next year in Seattle when am town on personal health business and without a doubt you stand out in my mind and heart.

    I don’t know if this will get lost in cyberspace it was vey theraputic for me to discover you from [redacted] and to write you this morning.

    David [redacted]

    1. David,

      I am glad my words touched you so deeply. I hope you forgive me for keeping some of your comment private; I like to protect the privacy and tastefulness of my commenters and do not wish for this blog to become an advertising platform for other websites.

      I am glad you enjoyed a lovely evening with a wonderful provider and look forward to hearing from you when you visit.

      A Toi,

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