Category: Updates

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The Worst Admin I’ll Ever do

On July 18 of this year, I had to send an email I had hoped I’d never need to.

I get tested for STIs regularly, though sometimes I let more time go by than I should. Historically, my results have always been negative, which makes sense, given my practices and activities. For ten years, every few months I would get pricked and swabbed and sampled, and every time my results came back “negative – within normal limits” for everything.

Well my streak came to an abrupt and unpleasant halt this summer.

Everything south of the border was good to go, but my love of licking finally got to me, and my throat swab came back positive for Ghonorhea.

The usual symptoms are sore throat, burning, swollen glands, etc, but I hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. I wouldn’t have even known if I hadn’t been (over, to be honest) due for testing. Which, by the way, is exactly why we do it regularly instead of waiting for something to happen.

The physical impact, for me, was basically nothing. I popped over to my local planned parenthood, they gave me a single intramuscular dose of antibiotics, and sent me on my way. I went back to my doctor two weeks later for a follow up and I was 100% good to go.

The emotional impact, however, was so, so much worse, and that’s why I’m writing about this publicly.

Because I was overdue on my testing, I had to go back FIVE MONTHS in my calendar and tell every single person I’d met within that time frame that they had possibly been exposed. And because It’s hard for me to resist that specific kind of a good time during even my FBSM appointments, I had to tell everyone everyone.

I can tell you, that’s the hardest email I’ve ever sent. I was embarrassed I’d fallen so badly behind on my testing. I was afraid that people would be angry with me for exposing them. I was chagrined at the fact that others would have to spend time and money (and in some cases miss out on work or appointments with other providers) on a problem I could have maybe prevented. I was committed to doing better. And I was fucking proud of myself for hitting send on that email, snaky hands and all.

To those of my readers who got that email, I cannot stress enough how fucking proud I am of you. The overwhelming response was “Thank you for telling me. I’ve scheduled an appointment to get tested. I’ll let you know what the results are.” Some of you were scared, too. And helpful. And kind. One or two of you were defensive or insecure. All of you did a great job being responsible.

To my first replier, the one who said “I know you don’t need to hear this but you’re doing the right thing”: I really, really did need to hear that. Thank you.

I drew on my close friends for support (shoutout to Tiny Phryne who sat with me via text as I was drafting the email) and felt so much love and reassurance, but it could easily have gone very badly for me. It only takes one pissed off individual to ruin a career in this industry and it would have been entirely understandable to be upset at this kind of news.

But every single person handled themselves well, and everyone who followed up with their results was negative. Every new result reported made me feel better. I was worried I would have been the cause of someone else’s discomfort or embarrassment and I’m so glad that everyone came out unscathed. I was also reassured that, even if someone had popped hot, at least they knew and could stop it in its tracks.

As for where it came from… If anyone turned up positive, they chose not to share that with me. Which is fine. I’m curious, but it wouldn’t have changed anything for me that I wasn’t already changing anyway. I decided to first: be more diligent about sticking to a once per three months testing schedule and second: to up my throat swab schedule to once a month.

Since July, I’ve done exactly that. I have been pleased to get the regular notification from my health care team telling me I’m good to go for another month, and instead of waiting until it’s time and then trying to remember to schedule my next test, I stop by the front desk on my way out and schedule a rematch as close to four weeks out as I can. It works so much better, and helps me hold myself to a professional standard that I more often aspire to than reach.

I’m writing this post, partly because writing is how I process, but partly to normalize testing and sharing your results when you need to. And honestly, partly as marketing. Good marketing is as much about who you don’t appeal to as who you do, and I’d like to invite anyone who is turned off by this post to cherish that. Discomfort is a sign from your body that you’re not ready, and listening to those signs is exceedingly wise.

Thank you my friends for being such incredible people. For taking it in stride, for seeking knowledge, for being kind, and for trusting me. I am honored to be worthy of that trust and I look forward to many more years of good health.

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Good Grief, 2023!

We are moving toward the end. The year moves inexorably to a close and we find ourselves reflecting. We hope. Planning for a better year next year.

I believe 2023 was the year of grieving, for me. A year of loss and pain and endings.

In September 2022, a professional conflict that had been simmering between me and my former friend and mentor since the spring resurfaced. She did something I didn’t agree with. I did something she didn’t like. The conflict got personal, then nasty. I couldn’t relax, nor could I reconcile, and the stress of it all had my hair literally falling out. In December we parted ways permanently, and with bad blood.

In November of the same year, a friend’s boyfriend kissed me. The kiss in itself wasn’t a problem, but it brought others to light and over the next few months, I tried to establish new norms of conduct between us. It did not go well. By September, other fractures in other relationships had grown and the tension in ours was the final fissure. The entire social group, one that sustained us through pandemic and saved at least one life, had shattered by the end of the month.

In the meantime, my best friend suffered a mental breakdown. A variety of stressors (stolen car, job woes, a loved one’s failing health, among others) turned my mild-mannered, self sacrificing friend into a ball of rage that careened through her closest relationships at the slightest provocation. It was touch and go for most of the summer but I have reason to expect that this relationship, at least, will emerge stronger than ever. Of the three of my friends, people I was close to, shared secrets and time and love with, only she is committed to our future. She has apologized and she is working diligently toward a permanently stronger position and with her, so am I.

For most of my life, I’ve been a pushover. A people pleaser who would rather suffer quietly than possibly, maybe, potentially upset someone. More than that, I would solve every problem around me, not out of selflessness or love, but to avoid proximity to other people’s upset feelings.

It turns out that when you stop doing that, people who liked you when you did, don’t really like you anymore. For the first time in my life, I stuck up for myself. Like, really stuck up for myself. I pushed back on things I didn’t feel were right, and when the pressure turned up I didn’t run away.

Finally. After doing it over and over for 34 years, I didn’t run away.

I am walking away from these relationships, from this year, grateful and proud. Grateful for the learning opportunities, for the tools I’ve walked away with, and for the good times I had before things fell apart. Proud of myself for making the effort to change things I didn’t like, and for not giving in this time. I feel so much older, so much less afraid. I feel more prepared for the future, more able to handle what others might do. I’m a little more cautious, which is good but also makes me a little sad. I have more patience for other people’s feelings, but less now for their actions. I am willing to tolerate others’ discontent, and unwilling to tolerate bad behavior. I feel victorious in a battle of wills against my old self and after a year long battle, ready to be calm for a while.

Because dear god I’m so glad that’s over. At every stage of every conflict I second guessed myself. I had to constantly remind myself (when I had the presence of mind to realize it) that what I felt was real, that it was reasonable, and that what I was asking for was also reasonable. In dozens of conversations, poring over comments and asides, looking at situations from every possible angle, I checked and rechecked my assumptions. Was I being fair in my descriptions when seeking outside perspective? Did other people’s opinions confirm my conclusions? Was there any room at all for me to be wrong, apologize, and fix this by once again sacrificing my own well being to ease others’ anger?

For weeks on end I could think of nothing else, and the stress of being in the thick of the process grated on those around me. Now that it’s over, I almost feel weird being at peace. Taking a long walk and thinking about the answers to my crossword puzzle and the events of the book I’m reading instead of writing and rewriting messages in my head, jumping at every turn, afraid to say a wrong word and set off another tirade. To say “not much” when people ask what I’ve been up to and realize that’s the truth. To feel normal and sure of myself.

It feels weird.

It feels good.

That, my beloved readers, is one reason I’ve been away so long. Instead of inspiration, my waking hours had been taken up with some things I simply couldn’t share. They were too personal, they were often someone else’s private business, and they were muddled. And now they’re done.

Though my writing schedule is unlikely to return to the weekly notes I once sent, I do have a few things in the wings, fun things I hope you’ll enjoy.

Thank you, again, to my dear patrons who have supported me, listened, and yet been too wise to pry. This year has been a wild ride and I couldn’t have done it without you.

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I tried something.

It didn’t work.

Early last year I was suffering from some pretty heavy duty burnout. Between work, travel, friends, volunteering, writing, and event planning, I wasn’t happy. Somehow, I cosmically projected this and the world manifested an enforced vacation. As of December, I have very few stressors and I’m loving it.

There is, however, one left.

The cost difference between the table focused bodywork I offer and the bed-based bodywork I offer is… almost absurd. One is exactly half of the other, despite being no less legally risky or time intensive. It does not require half the energy, time, or effort as other activities. Finding this balance unsatisfactory, when I returned FBSM to my offerings, I resolved to expend half the energy and raise rates only marginally. I would keep to a rigid timetable, keep chit chat to a minimum, offer nothing but the best erotic massage I could, and hopefully help keep from burning out again.

I failed in two perfectly opposite ways.

For the first time ever, someone declined to return because getting intimate with someone they hadn’t yet gotten to know just wasn’t for them. You see I had, in previous blog posts, advised new clients to try massage first. This was in the days where we would sit and chat for a while first, playful and smiling, establishing a mutual like for each other that made table time a step in a budding relationship as opposed to a somewhat clinical standalone session. This poor young man was thrust into an intimate situation without proper introductions. My attempt to guard my energy had worked. I didn’t like it.

And so, over the past few months, as I inevitably slipped back into patterns comfortable to me, I chit chatted and relaxed and everyone enjoyed themselves much more, the hours stretched to 75 minutes, 80 minutes, 90… and in the back of my head a little voice repeated: stop giving away your time!

I used to love my two hour FBSM appointments until I noticed that, aside from the average quantity of laundry, they were just as difficult, and as fun, as any other two hours spent with my lovers. I began to compare the two and would up eliminating the two hour FBSM from my offerings. Would you accept half your salary at your job just because you completed a different task?

These were all mistakes. My attempts to hoard time and energy, to cheat my burnout problem, while still staying affordable* to a wider variety of lovers only short changed us both.

So I’m trying something different, inspire once again by my friend and colleague. For FBSM booked before March 31, rates and conditions stand unless you opt into changes. For FBSM booked after March 31:

1 hour: 350$, for returning clients only

90 minutes: 500$ (550$ new clients)

2 hours: 600$ (650$ new clients)

Finition Francais: Opt-out

It does remain a one-way experience. Time for you to relax and do nothing but enjoy yourself. Grabby hands will not be rewarded and I’ll do my best to leave conversation on the couch. I learned during massage school that I am incapable of both talking and giving my best massage at the same time.

But man it’ll be good to get back to the old days when my wide-eyed wonder turned every body into a magical jungle gym and I truly had enough time to know you. To the days when I felt awe every time someone walked through my door. I’m not jaded, I have too many excellent loves to be jaded, but I’m a lot less naive than I was.

*Who am I kidding? This is about as affordable as “affordable housing” downtown. Please know I don’t take this lightly. In my utopia, everyone has access to affordable, quality providers in every industry but we don’t live there. I continue to offer discounts to Womxn and transgender folk, a nod to historic discrimination.

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Travelogue

I travel! Sometimes.

I tend to mosey around a bit, especially when invited by earnest and generous gents. I realized, however, that it’s not always clear to everyone just exactly how much, or how little, I travel. I thought it might be nice to kind of collect it all in one place where I can update things as I go, partly to enjoy the reverie, partly to let anyone reading know what’s usual and what’s extraordinary.

Spokane

I travel to the Spokane area often, about once a month through the summer. In 2018 I went at least five times during the summer, probably more that I didn’t write down. That said, I rarely ever see anyone professionally when I’m in or near Spokane, party because it’s primarily a personal trip, partly because I don’t have a location to host from, but mostly because Spokane residents are resistant to Seattle prices and, more importantly, screening. I’m open to finding a few good men to visit regularly throughout the summer, but my time of actively seeking them out is over.

—2019 Travels to Spokane area:

7/17-7/31

Portland.

I went to Portland at least five times in 2018 and I’ll be returning about every six weeks in the coming year. I now have friends and family both in the area and on the way to and from. Seeing a lovely client or three while in town is a great way to make the trip easier to do more often. It makes me feel like I’m not necessarily missing out so I don’t feel like I have to stress out.

—2019 Travels to Portland:

1/24-1/26
2/28-3/2

Chicago

I went to Chicago once in 2018 and it went incredibly smoothly. My gentleman was exactly that, transit was a breeze, and I just found out an old college friend lives there, so I have even more incentive to return.

4/4-4/6

San Francisco

I went to San Fran once in 2018 and immediately fell in love with the city. I have a different old college friend living there who gave me a small downtown tour and I had one of the more intense and mind opening experiences in my career.

Walla Walla

I travel back once or twice a year to reconnect with old friends and enjoy the pleasure of wine country. I spent a great deal of time there in my late teens and early twenties and I though many of my friends from that time have scattered to the four winds, we reconvene to refresh our friendship.

—2019 Travels to Walla Walla

5/3-5/5

New Orleans

I have not yet been to NOLA but I am making plans to visit mid May. I’m looking forward to writing about it upon my return.

Las Vegas

Vegas is an enigma, a strange, alluring, yet repulsive place. I’ll make my virginal pilgrimage on a personal trip 3/24-3/26 and plan a return in mid June.

I will update this list as I go from place to place. When I decide to take a trip, the first thing I do is send out a newsletter blast to subscribers who have chosen a location near my travel plan. In order to make sure you’re on the list, check the relevant city when signing up for the newsletter and make sure you’ve opted in to marketing. My email service automatically filters out subscribers who have opted out. If you’re not getting location specific emails, you can scroll to the bottom of the most recent newsletter and click “Update Your Preferences” to make changes.

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Hot For Teacher

I’ve finally reached a point where I can teach. I first had sex when I was 16 and it was awesome, but I was bad at it. I learned a little at a time, incidentally, as I found new boys to play with, and a few girls. I’m naturally curious, get bored easily so am always seeking something new, and also I’ve been doing sexy things at a professional level for a good six years now. I feel it’s important to be good at your job so I keep accumulating information, strategies, techniques, thoughts, concepts, communication tools, confidence, formal education, until something clicks and I make a breakthrough. Well, I think my next breakthrough is hands on teaching.

Most sex educators talk you through things, show you models, make you do cute exercises. To teach you concepts, but how many of them will talk you through eating pussy, using your cock as their model? Of course sucking cock and eating pussy are very different, but there are common core concepts and I feel very strongly that it is important to know what it feels like to receive whatever it is you are learning to do.

My sexual history is deep and wide. I’ve done long term relationships and one night stands, long form blowjobs and quickies on your lunch break, I’ve had sex standing up and bending over, lying on top, underneath, and backwards, I’ve given several hundred orgasms to cocks and a dozen or so to pussies, I’ve had hundreds of my own from mouths and hands and cocks and toys, I’ve teased and gone straight for the gold, I’ve had good sex and unwanted sex and mediocre sex and mid blowing sex and I only finally got good at sex about a year ago. I’ve read books, written blog posts, watched videos, sexted, chatted online, flashed people in public, stayed under covers, I’ve talked to folks about nontraditional sexual outlets, watched people get picked up, pushed over, forced to come, fucked by machines, whipped, tickled, trusted and tried, and I’m still only getting started in some places.

The least I can do is share a little of what I’ve learned.

The benefit of coming to learn from me instead of from videos and books and things is time and specificity. It’s like walking into a huge store and asking someone where to find the product you’re looking for. If you need a new set of kitchenware, you don’t need to hunt the aisles in the garden section. If you need strategies on how to make your specific sex life better, I can, probably, help you in just a couple of hours. It’s also useful to have immediate and concrete feedback and tips from someone you don’t need to impress.

I don’t want to make promises. Sometimes it’s not the sex life that’s the problem, it’s the relationship, and learning how to give good relationship advice will take another ten years or so. A little bit of relationship advice kind of comes with the whole sex life territory, but I can only help you with your willing partner, I can’t make your partner willing for you.

That said, it’s been a pleasant surprise for me to realize just how much I know about sex that other people don’t. Toys and lubes and condoms are just the first step. How to seduce a woman with confidence, how to give the most mind blowing hand job of all time, how to help keep yourself in the moment and how to forgive yourself when it doesn’t work, how to read a body’s arousal signals and home in on what works…

I suppose this is just me saying: if you’ve ever wanted to learn more about the sexy basics, I can help. I find a series of 90 minute to two hour appointments is an excellent format for getting comfortable, getting naked, and getting schooled. This isn’t exactly an ad, per se, since these kinds of things often happen organically; I’m writing this partly because I just had a rewarding morning with someone that went very much in the teaching way, partly because it’s really the perfect content for this blog, and partly because I want people to know that not only am I fun to have sex with, I’m also willing to pass on some of my knowledge. You only have to ask.

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Farewell to the FC

I mean, you all can use it, but I’m afraid I cannot.

The ‘FC’ is a female, or internal, condom. I’ve used it to great effect in the past and had great reactions…. for the boys. The way it works is that, instead of rolling a tight condom down onto your hard cock, I put a loose nitrile sleeve inside me. Two firm rings, one at either end, hold it in place while your cock slides in and out, as close to a natural feeling as you can get while still maintaining peace of mind. No risk of breaking, falling off or out without noticing, and even greater coverage of skin to skin contact.

Unfortunately, What happens sometimes is that I get wet and you get a bit dry and suddenly, instead of you sliding easily back and forth inside the sleeve, the sleeve slides back and forth inside of me. You’d think that wouldn’t be an issue given how regular condoms work, but it’s all about the fit. Since it’s overlarge, it ends up creating ridges, and not the smooth, “for her pleasure” ridges on those gimmicky trojans. They are harder and, under the right circumstances, can be slightly sharp. I’m just gonna leave that there.

Many of you know that self care is something I constantly struggle with. Writing publicly about something I intend to do to help myself is my way of giving myself permission to enforce it. I know not everyone reads everything right away, but once it’s out there, particularly for a while, I don’t feel guilty about disappointing or upsetting anyone. I will always do my best to make sure folks are fulfilled and happy when they leave me but there are some exceptions. Unfortunately for some, this is one of them.

I’m actually really bummed, too. I love the opportunities they give gentlemen who have a hard time (har har) in many ways with regular condoms. I’ve had people come using the FC who haven’t come while wearing a condom in years. I’ve seen people able to lose themselves in just that little bit more freedom. Plus I love that in a duo you can simply switch back and forth without pausing in between. I know that Sofina still allows them and has them in stock so if it’s important to you, you can find it. Just not with me.

I may make exceptions under rare extenuating circumstances, but don’t expect it. Sorry :-/

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Two for One

It finally happened!! I saw my first couple!

It’s all too common to hear from a lovely gent that he would like to hire me for a three way with his wife or girlfriend. This was the first time that she agreed to meet me beforehand so I could make sure she was as excited about it as he was. From the moment she agreed, it just kept getting better. Well dressed, brilliant, incredibly sex work positive, and as professional and informative about her sexy experiences as I was, she ticked all my boxes. After a coffee date to assess and plan, we agreed to meet that Friday so we could tease her sweet boyfriend until he exploded.

Ladies intimidate me a little so, though I had met her and had a reasonable idea what I was getting into, I was trembling with nerves. Many of you know I’m a big nerd so finding out they had a game room nearly made me swoon. A few deep breaths later and we three were in the living room, trying to decide how to get started.

First times are always a bit awkward. I had a bit of an idea of the dynamic we were looking for, what with our coffee date and a few hints from the orchestrator but I never pull it off perfectly the first time. We began in my comfort zone: on a massage table. Training and repetition mean I can do lovely things with my hands while reserving my mental space for observation and planning. If you’ve gotten a massage from me before you know I sometimes climb up onto the table so I can use my knees on you. She seemed to enjoy the deep pressure and I can’t imagine he disliked the visual, haha!

When it was his turn I gave her some ideas for gentler touch but it didn’t take long for our poor boy to get far too handsy and need a good tie-down. Fortunately I brought a little sturdy tie-down gear with me, ha! Between the two of us ladies we managed to arrest his naughty hands and render him incapable of taking what he wanted. He would have to wait for us to deem him ready.

Oh and she was wicked fun. Between gifting him a taste of me and making him watch me pleasure her, she pushed his every button while I followed along, getting meaner and meaner as we went. ‘If you can keep from coming from this amazing blowjob, then maybe you might earn a taste of me. Wouldn’t you like that?’

The details blur together but we wound up on the bed, taking our pleasure from such a nice, selfless, obedient young man until we decided we were done. I’ll never forget the sensory overload: her loud climax and his tension, sight and sound and scent and sense, heat and pressure and so! Much pleasure.

I wanted to come for them so much. I tried everything I knew to do but I just couldn’t manage it. Even the sight and sound of her coming right next to me… it’s DEFINITELY helped since then, but in the moment there was too much too fast.

Sigh. Oh well. Better luck next time.

They gave me the most fun and funny visual memory as I was getting ready to leave: her in a sheer robe, eating the chocolate I brought as a gift, him in pajama pants eating a bowl of breakfast cereal. In that moment I felt that I had reached my apex. I’ll never stop growing and learning, but as an escort, I feel that moment will forever shine as a highest point. A couple of fuckin hot as shit nerds invited me over to entertain and pleasure them. I can’t even.

Sigh.

Addendum: I said I had reached my escorting apex but to my great surprise, I found myself enjoying yet another fantastic moment just the other day. I was able to bring my experience and curiosity to its best use; offering advice and techniques to strengthen a lover for their beloved. What a privilege to constantly find a new way to make someone’s life a little better.

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Experiments

I’ve tried being available day-of and found it stressful. So I’ve ended that experiment and moved on to new heights!

 

Boys are visual, I know, and I have a lot of pictures up around, I know, but they’re all so sweet and modest. I know that even the most circumspect class acts among us sometimes look at explicit images. I tend not to post those because it doesn’t fit with my classed-up girl next door vibe. But I found a place that feels appropriate. Gonewild, on reddit, is a forum for people to post naked pictures! Like, super explicit pictures. In order to furnish my beloved clients with an ever widening stream of pictographic enticement, I have created an account and posted, so far, five explicit images. Selfie-types, but without my face as I prefer not to be recognized by new anti-trafficking facial recognition attempts.

 

For selfie-type stuff, I have a snapchat now. Snapchat disappears after a set time, notifies me if someone screencaps my snap so I can control my image a bit more carefully, and my snapchat username is not connected to anything, really, Amie-related or otherwise. I’m not terribly active but I did send out a cute selfie of the return of the undercut and if I see something interesting in my daily life (such as cats or available boobs) I’ll send it out. This one is safe for work and reserved for folks I’ve seen in person and intend to see again.

 

And of course there’s my twitter but I’m only active in waves.

 

So there’s a few ways to kinda clue in, besides the blog, the website, and the newsletter, haha! I’m not naturally a big communicator when I’m not in the same room as the person I’m communicating with, but I know sometimes you want a little hi, how are ya in between get togethers so… Next time you visit, hit me up for my snapchat username and in the meantime enjoy those gonewild posts ;-P

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Happy New Year!

So it’s 2018. Weird.

It’s been an eventful 2017, hasn’t it? I changed my name and my space and my whole world, just a bit. I rebuilt myself from the ground up, a few blocks at a time, and I feel softly content. I know myself well enough to know that my moods come in waves. I’ll get really excited about something and then leave it behind or change it when it becomes tiresome or I lose steam. I’ll maintain aloof disinterest in something until it catches my attention just right and lights a fire in me. I did that at least twice in 2017 and I’m sure it’ll happen again a few more times in the coming year.

In January of 2017, I was three months into learning French. I had lost some pounds and was a busy bee indeed! February saw my 28th birthday and a mild cold that knocked me out for a few days. March was the first month I started to feel burned out but as someone who loves watching numbers grow, it didn’t stop me yet. April began regular trips to Eastern Washington and a rising excitement for the new me. In May I began adding to my chic new wardrobe and June saw my restlessness peak. By the end of July, the new website had launched and it came out slowly, just the way I wanted it to. August was hot and awesome, September I took a few weeks to hit up the rest of the West Coast, October began the holiday season and saw me move to a new apartment, November was beautiful for my soul and my bank account, and December ended 2017 on a quiet, cold note in my beautiful new space.

This work comes and goes in waves and I’ve tried to use the ebbs to fill myself. A good friend once told me that only half of our job is providing companionship. The other half is keeping ourselves interesting enough that that companionship is worth it. So I learned a language, how to sail, both not very well, and have started volunteering at various worthy causes around the city. With SWOP activities slowed to a crawl and self-imposed limits to how busy I can realistically be, I find myself with time to fill.

My goals for 2018 are to finally publish something. Perhaps that book I’ve been talking about for ages or perhaps just a few simple short stories. Whatever I decide, I want to get something out. Also to keep a closer eye on my health. I’ve been careless so far, eating and drinking whatever I feel like but it’ll catch up with me eventually so this year I’d like to pay closer attention. And after filing this year’s taxes I’ll be looking into more aggressive investment opportunities. I’m still young so I have time to take some risks and I have a not insubstantial chunk of capital to work with.

Wish me luck! I’ll be around this year enjoying myself, my work, and my free time. I hope to see more of you in 2018!