The Blog

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Swedish Enforcement Hits Home

It finally happened: I officially lost a client to the Swedish model*. Was he arrested? no. He was scared away.

Kind, thoughtful, supportive, generous; all the things we want in our clients he was and now, due to the continued harassment of clients across the Seattle area, I will not see him again for a very long time, if ever.

I, the sex worker equivalent of a rich white guy, will be fine. I could lose half my clients and still be ok, though I’d have to cut some corners. I could lose all my clients and fall back on one of several skills, though that possibility is extremely uncomfortable. I have several fallback plans but what if I didn’t? What If I were a woman of color and found it that much harder to find other employment? What if I were of uncertain legal status and thus were banned from most legitimate work? What if I had children or other dependents? What if I were less educated or LGBTQ or Older or mentally unstable or less conventionally attractive or chronically ill or under the influence of a substance or abusive person? Would losing this client really help me improve any of those things?

I hope you’re happy, men and women fighting to ‘save exploited children’, because your  Swedish model of criminalization enforcement has driven away a valuable source of income for this consenting adult. This educated, independent, voluntary sex worker is now just a little bit more vulnerable, just a little more concerned, just a little closer to danger. Thanks a lot.

*By this I mean the push to enforce current laws only against clients, not against providers. While both ends of the exchange are currently illegal, the degree to which LE chooses to prosecute and persecute clients is much higher than providers. It’s a scare tactic and it’s working.

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It did!

I promise: I wrote this on time and meant to schedule it, I just wasn’t connected to wifi when I wrote it. Thus It’s late but I hope you’ll forgive me.

I’ve seen Rogue One: A Star Wars story twice now and both times I was in tears by the end. Every criticism I had of The Force Awakens has been met and mastered by RO.

Since the original characters hadn’t entered the story yet, I have no expectations about their appearance to be met or dashed, aside from the magnificent return of James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader. The only other returning characters were princess Lea in a perfectly appropriate cameo and General Tarkin, master of the Death Star.

The character of Han Solo was replaced by rebel pilot Cassian Andor. While not as witty or devil-may-care, Cassian is as gritty and real as Han Solo would have been had we seen more of his back story. Cassian, someone we should be rooting for as hero of the rebellion, does some very bad things in the name of the movement and faces a crisis of conscience so big it takes half the film. He’s not nonchalantly blasting obviously bad guys, he’s a soldier following orders who winds up sacrificing every shred of energy and self interest for a greater cause. He’s the Han Solo I was hoping for in TFA: complicated, brave, not always very nice, but dedicated to something he’s spent his entire life working towards.

Our female lead, playing the precursor to the clever and courageous Princess Leah, is Jyn (gin) Erso. Caught up in the machinations of governments she has no interest in, Jyn begins as a self interested prisoner and grows into the one to deliver the most stirring speech of the film. The father-daughter dynamic trikes me particularly as I am very close to my own and with his sacrifice as the catalyst I don’t see her change of heart as artificial.

It’s also worth noting, and has been noted before, that there is no romance in this film, as well there shouldn’t be. They’re in the middle of a freaking war and while some people respond to stress by seeking sex, many don’t. It makes sense for strangers to remain strangers when Jyn uses her wits and strength as a tool instead of her sexuality. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it’s refreshing to see the change.)

I complained that the plot of TFA trivialized the search and sacrifice for the Death Star plans because they used the same plot device but everything was an accident instead of carefully planned. This film tells the story that TFA cheapened and does it in a way that made me laugh, made me cry, and sent me home elated. Here, finally, is a Star Wars film that takes itself seriously!

It was said by a friend of mine that Miticlorians ruined the force. The attempt to explain how the force works took some of the mysticism and ritual out of it and tried unsuccessfully to drag a space opera into the realms of science fiction alongside Star Trek and Aliens. There is one character in RO:ASWS that renews the drama and mysticism of the force. He also provides both comic relief and the most poignant scene in the entire film. I had to hold my hands over my mouth to keep from sobbing in the theater both times and the act of writing about it is bringing tears to my eyes. Like legit tears welling up and falling down my face.
And of course the droid. The droids are always the comic relief. The clever, the foreign, the oddly loyal but sometimes kooky hunks of metal that help keep the humans safe. Even the droid was complex. Even the machine had heart.

I had a problem with the fan service in TFA because it felt out of place. The phrases we recognize didn’t fit in the context they were put and so it took me out of the film when I heard them. In RO, it was hella appropriate because the timelines are so close. I think RO leaves off a week or less before ANH begins and so when we see original footage from ANH, it makes perfect sense! When we see an artfully computer rendered princess Leah, it makes perfect sense! When the uniforms and the fighters and the sets are all the same, it makes perfects sense! I walked away immediately wishing to watch ANH so I could ‘find out’ what happens next!

Suffice it to say that, while it did take the entire first half of the movie to introduce our characters, establish back stories, deal with everyone’s crises of conscience, and introduce the real heart pounding action, I didn’t ever feel bored. In short: I loved it! This is the film we will remember as the turning point in the franchise (I hope) from a fun yet frivolous space opera to a grittier, more complex story of fierce loyalty, real passion, quick wits, and the perennial crowd pleaser: the underdog story.

I noticed something on my second viewing that I’m happy to discuss with the more politically minded but it’s a pretty deep topic and so I’ll leave you with this thought for your second viewing: pay attention to all the rebel uniforms. There are factions we are supposed to like and factions we are not supposed to like. The uniforms evoked associations in me as an American viewer around various guerrilla forces including American forces in Vietnam and Insurgent forces in Iraq and Afganistan, (as portrayed by media; I’ve never seen either in person). It was pretty clear to me who was supposed to be the bad guy and who was supposed to be the underdog, though they never fought each other directly.

In any case, I enjoyed the movie very much and would be happy to geek out on it with any and all interested parties. Or uninterested parties. I’ll geek out on anyone if I get the chance. I’m so happy!

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Seattle Alternative Advertising

Under continued political pressure, Backpage, a popular advertising site, has disabled their adult services section, much as Craigslist did some years ago. Maggie McNeil will be writing about it in tomorrow’s column with her trademark exhuberance and is going to publish an exhaustive list of advertising alternatives. Her readership is far broader than mine and so I will leave the exhaustive listing to her and focus this post on the most important thing: me.

Backpage has a bad reputation in Seattle. The popular (read: loud) opinion on discussion forums I read is that the providers are subpar at best and the clients are irritatingly shallow. However, having spoken to above average ladies who use it, I understand it is not only useful but with careful presentation can reach great clients. It’s an international platform that offers no-nonsense advertising for low initial cost. A lot of people used it to find clients online, thus staying safely behind closed doors. Some good friends of mine and many more acquaintances and sisters will see a sharp drop in their income surely within the month but probably sooner unless they can find alternative effective advertising venues.

And so we met.

Sol Finer, Sola Love, Savanna Sly, Maggie McNeil and representatives from CoSWAC and the Gender Justice League met with a group of around thirty providers to discuss short and long term options. There are incredibly long lists at the following places:

Saucysayswhat.tumblr.com

http://thecauldronnyc.com/backpage-alternatives/

maggiemcneill.wordpress.com

But the big question is: which ones are any good and, for those of us here in Seattle, where are all the ladies going?

The first alternative that comes to people’s minds is TNA. Some love it, some hate it, but it is an alternative, it’s hugely active, and it’s free to join. I am registered and marginally active on Eros, P411, Slixa, The Hobby Hunter, and TER. You can also follow your favorites on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook; some ladies update availability and other such fun things. My most effective tool is my newsletter, thank you those who’ve subscribed. I’m going to go down this list and talk a little bit about each option, how providers can use them, and how clients can most effectively use them.

TNAboard

Cost:

Free for a basic provider membership, 50/month for a premium membership. The difference is whether or not you can have a signature and how often you can advertise. I’m not sure whether/how much clients have to pay for membership but premium status allows you to, for example, post comments of advertisements and in the Ladies’ Lounge. It’s not necessary.

Difficulty:

Providers need to submit a picture of their face with the date and their username visible to the moderators for verification. They can voluntarily submit a photo of their photo ID with all information except the DOB and face shopped out in order to become ‘TNA verified’. The process isn’t too time consuming and there are photo blur apps available for smartphones so you don’t need a computer.

Region:

TNA covers pretty much the entire West Coast as well as a few major cities across the country. It’s most active in Washington and california.

Vibe:

TNA is well known as the wild west of message boards. There are vehement opinions and drama galore but if you generally avoid the message boards and only advertise the clients will find you.

How to:

As a provider, this board allows you to build a brand. You can chime in on any of the many topics that pop up. If you find you like the conversations and can easily jump in, no problem. If you find them too aggressive, do this: comment only on topics you find genuinely interesting, read only the first page of comments, craft a careful reply to the original point, and only pay attention to respectful replies (they happen on occasion). You’re creating a paper trail of your opinions on things like social time, lingerie, favorite activities, interests, and more importantly how you conduct yourself. Clients will post reviews unless you specifically ask them not to. It is helpful to reply to the reviews with a personal comment as soon as you can, while you still remember the interaction, to serve as a record for future providers who may see this client. I, personally, will only comment if I know the client quite well and have no reservations about recommending them. Otherwise I use reviews and vouches as a potential reference list and will try to email for more information.

As a client, if you would like to interact on the message boards it can be fun sometimes but the easiest way to use TNA is simply to browse the ads. When you see something that catches your eye, you can use the advertiser’s profile to view their post history, reviews, profile, and contact information. There is a handy ‘to do list’ function that saves profiles to a list for easy access later. It’s useful because the search function and memory are both unreliable but do note that the provider gets a private message notifying them of your action.

 

EROS

Cost:

Starts at just over $100/month but goes up quickly when you add categories. I had some success with it several years ago but haven’t used it in quite a while. When I did use it I got two or three inquiries per week.

Difficulty:

You may have to submit a photo of your ID for age verification if the reviewer thinks you look under 25; they take no risks with underage workers. Also, be very very very careful with your wording. They will censor anything but the vaguest of euphemisms. Browse other ads to get a sense of what is allowed, be vague, leave the more explicit talk for your private website or better yet, for pillow talk after your session.

Region:

International, and you can advertise when you’re visiting as well. They take requests, too, if you can get enough people together to all ask for the same city they will add it to their listings.

Vibe:

It’s only advertising, no reviews, no discussions, but it looks very sleek and classy. I personally recognize a few dozen of my colleagues and friends; EROS has the highest concentration of former TRB advertisers here in Seattle.

How to:

Providers simply create an ad, pay via bitcoin, money order, or credit card (no prepaid cards anymore), and post. You can set it to auto-update even so you just set it and forget it. It requires no maintenance and is probably the simplest advertising venue, if expensive right up front.

Clients simply browse and follow the instructions in her ad, the end.

 

Preferred 411

Cost: free to join, it costs credits to actually advertise but I’ve never advertised on P411 before, simply maintained a profile. Logging in every week or so bumps your profile higher on the list and makes you more visible or you can stick your profile to the top by paying up to 100/month via bitcoin, credit card, cash, or money order.

Difficulty:

You have to submit three photos: one of your ID, one of you holding your ID, and one of you holding a paper with your name, the date, and your application number on it. Again, they only need your photo and DOB so blur out the rest of the information on your ID.

Region:

International

Vibe:

P411 is mostly a verification site. Members have varying levels of verification and can ‘OK’ each other. I use the OK list to choose reliable references and will email them for personal references. DO THIS! I have seen clients on P411 with multiple OKs from reputable providers, friends of mine even, for whom I would very much like to give actual references for. It also doesn’t tell you how old the OKs are and people change so it’s always a good idea to follow up.

For clients, this can be a good way to streamline the review process. The site asks for some level of verification from you, I believe you have the option to submit employment information to get verified by this third party service so you might not have to disclose that information to your providers, it depends on their personal policies. In any case, it’s one place to browse for providers in the area you’re looking for, although their information might be out of date.

 

SLIXA

Cost:

Free to have a profile but all advertisements cost credits and no one sees your profile until you have an ad. Credits are 1:1 USD and the most basic ad is 2 credits per day.

Difficulty:

Easy as pie. Fill out the profile, pay for the ad, you’re done

Region: International

Vibe:

Similar to EROS

How to:

Similar to EROS; no client/provider interaction, only advertising. It’s acutally a very slick website but I’ve heard from others that it’s slow. It’s run by a former sex worker, however, so we’d like to patronize it if possible.

 

The Hobby Hunter

Cost:

A bit less than 200/year but you can do it in smaller incrememnts. Paid for by money order.

Difficulty:

It wasn’t difficult for me in the month or so after TRB went down but it’s a small board run by one woman so the backlog seems to be slowing registration to a crawl. That being said, setting up your profile isn’t difficult and, while it’s not perfectly intuitive, once you get the hang of it it’s easy to navigate.

Region:

Primarily Portland. It’s a slow board but they have established a Seattle section and if we can gather steam it could turn into a viable option.

Vibe:

Super nice. Reviews and forums are available but everyone is terribly respectful and encouraging to each other. It reminds me of the way TRB used to be.

How to:

There’s a chat function which is kinda fun as well as the various forums. If you’re looking for a high energy place, this is not it. I can’t even think of strategies to stand out from the crowd; there is no crowd. If you’re already a member or can become one in the near future, it’s more a place to go and chill than a place to rake in clients. Clients, it’s nice place to interact with relaxed providers in a setting of cameraderie but unless you’re headed to Portland or Vncouver, very few Seattle ladies are currently advertising there.

 

The Erotic Review

Cost:

Free for providers and clients to have a basic membership, paid for premium. I’ve never paid for it so I don’t know payment options or price. Providers can see VIP details of their own reviews though they may have to spend some time working with the mods to attatch the right reviews to the right profile. Clients can get premium membership by posting a review of a new lady but not by posting a second review of the same lady.

Difficulty:

No verification needed, only you might need to contact the moderators if you’re just signing up in order to connect your reviews and profile with your account. You cannot set up your own profile, the first client to review you fills out all the details, meaning if you’d like to explore this option, choose a client you like and trust to set you situation up for you.

Region:

International

Vibe:

TER is run by clients, for clients. Providers can post in the discussion forums but they’re not sorted very well so you’ll be interacting with people you may never meet. The review structure is the most contentious part. Providers who don’t offer the full range of services including unprotected oral sex, PIV sex, kissing, etc cannot be rated higher than 7/10, meaning the most mind blowing, earth shattering, life changing erotic bodyrub you’ve ever had won’t be ranked as high as a mediocre blowjob. Also, clients are rewarded for new reviews of new girls so it encourages many short interactions instead of long term relationships which goes against the grain for many.

How to:

Providers who are not yet on TER: it’s out there and it can work for you. Create your profile, share it on your website or in your email footer, and keep an eye on it. This is the only site where reviews can be your friend so you need to be proactive. Encourage one new client per month to write a review; it bumps you to the top of search results and will often generate a new client or two. If you are one who doesn’t like reviews, make it clear beforehand because they are difficult to remove.

Clients can help providers here by writing respectful, moderate reviews of ladies you know. You can write more than one review of the same lady. I suggest one new review per year since dynamics can change over the year. I also suggest emailing your provider the text of your review prior to submitting it to make sure it doesn’t upset her or reveal something she’d rather keep between you two. As far as using it yourself, the search function is reasonably useful and while the Seattle advertising section is slow, it picked up after TRB went down and may do so again in the next few weeks.

 

And as a footnote: Providers have been advised to advertise in the ‘professional services: massage’ and ‘personals’ sections of backpage. If you liked the immediacy of backpage, you can look there for familiar faces. I personally am going to move towards SLIXA for several reasons: it’s reasonably priced, the website looks good, and it’s owned by a former sex worker. I’ll be directing my fellow providers there and to the personals sections of backpage.

 

I’d write more but it’s quite late and I’m tired. Please feel free to leave comments below with your thoughts on the events and alternatives. I’m going to publish now and proofread Saturday, sorry for any mistakes.

 

One last thing: Our community rallied immediately. We are so fortunate to be in a place where crises like this bring us together instead of fracturing an already vulnerable community. I’m hoping we can ride this wave and move forward.

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Craft? Calling?

I have a friend. He’s nice, painfully intelligent, not always intuitive when it comes to human relations, and recently spent some time in Seattle. Part of the reason for coming to Seattle was to sleep with a mutual friend. She’s a safe person to experiment with and attractive in body and mind so it made sense for him to fly halfway cross the country for a shag.

You see, my friend has had a short string of sexually unsatisfying relationships and had convinced himself that he was broken. Even our safe mutual friend didn’t result in the kind of fireworks he’s been told casual sex brings. His sexual history is at best mediocre and at worst actively traumatizing.

As the resident sexpert and friend, I was consulted over tacos and beer. Through euphamisms and shy, circular innuendos he told me that he was disappointed in the sex he had had with our friend. A few drinks later we got into more detail and I realized that I knew exactly what he was talking about. More importantly, I knew why he was so confused.

 

Girls Talk
Girls Talk

We women talk about sex ALL the time. Women talk to each other about how many, how big, how long, how funny, and most of all how bad our lovers can be. In my social circles it’s rarely painful but we accumulate funny stories and share them to relieve tension and build friendships. Girls are used to non-orgasmic sex, we’re used to bad lovers and men who push too far too fast. We’re used to having sex when we’re not really in the mood. We see it in media, hear about it from our friends, and live it. Boys don’t.

My friend had been having what I call maintenance sex. Maintenance sex is sex you have when you’re not really interested in the sex but you’re interested in the sex having been done. Sometimes it’s to connect with your partner, sometimes it’s to get a reward, sometimes it’s to get him to be quiet and go to sleep so you can stay up late watching Lost Girl. The reason doesn’t matter, the reality is that it’s generally mediocre and rarely orgasmic. The problem with my friend’s maintenance sex is that the reward he was expecting was an amazingly pleasurable experience. Maintenance sex isn’t amazingly pleasurable. So he was trying to build relationships he wasn’t that interested in, gain a reward he couldn’t have, and instead of a the freedom to watch a badly written sex drama about a succubus and her impossibly attractive friends in peace, he got confusion, shame, and anger.

I told him what I thought: that he wasn’t broken, just unusual. He had been allowing his partners the choice and initiative, assuming that if she was ready, he would be. In mainstream media and in most relationships, this is true. Unfortunately for my friend, it wasn’t true for him. He is now looking forward to an arduous journey of self exploration. He will have to pay attention to how he feels when in a relationship. He will have to learn to know what HE wants instead of simply reacting to what SHE wants. We’ve been working so hard to teach this to young women that we forget: young men need to know this, too.

As the fiery, eloquent Connor Habib once said: “This country doesn’t need more sex education, it needs relationship education.”

 

And, as all humans do, I take this story and ask what it has to do with me. Well, I wonder if perhaps this was a nudge. I’ve become quite good at my craft. I bring genuine skilled bodywork together with elegant sensuality and season it with sprightly conversation to create an organic, sexy, playful, satisfying session every time. And I’m getting bored. New clients still bring a rush of excitement and I do take great pleasure in the ease of comfortable relationships but there’s only so many things I can do with my hands before I have to get really kinky. It’s possible I will explore a discipline called Sexological Bodywork. It’s a form of counseling that involves hands on sessions. Generally focused on sexual relationships with self and others, the hands on portion allows the client to experience needed touch in a safe environment from a trained professional. Combined with clothed talking sessions it can help healing from sexual trauma and growth into a healthy sexual whole.

Anyway, that’s the future isn’t it? For now, I’m just happy to have helped out a friend. He’s got a long way to go before he’s settled into a happy, long term loving relationship and until then, I’ll do my best to help him, help you, and reach myself some life goals!

 

TourDeEiffel

 

Speaking of goals:

Make more money than I did this year

Never miss a post or a newsletter this year

Get halfway through my book

Go camping at least one long weekend

Become fluent in French

Lose 10 pounds

Eat better food!

And of course you know: no meat, alcohol, or coffee until my birthday!

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And A Happy New Year

Oh 2016, You’ve been an interesting one, that’s for sure.

As the list of losses climbed through the year, natural and political disasters continue unabated, and we’ve definitely reached the tipping point on Global Climate change, I look back on my own personal 2016 and see a very different trend.

This year started pretty terribly, with the Review Board shut down, advertising options suddenly limited, community resources diminished, and some beloved (and not so beloved) friends losing their lives, it looked like 2016 would be a year of confusion and terror.

For some, it has been but for me it has been a year of growth and change I think I will look back on fondly for some time yet.

First, I learned to be careful. I began policing my own behavior and openness a great deal more, taking more precautions and avoiding potentially compromising positions. I have benefitted from that in many ways and have passed those benefits on to you, though you may not have noticed it.

Then, I began to act. I coordinated and organized and tried to preserve the community as best I could and have managed to do what I think is an OK job of maintaining social connections between providers and allies who value this industry and the magical experiences that can come of it. Between large co-ed parties and small, ladies only get togethers, I’ve managed to maintain connections to some of the most intelligent, interesting, exciting providers in the area as well as creating new connections around the area.

I made some changes to my business model and became more consistent in my content; I finally began doing this as if it was not only my hobby but my business. Responsible boundary-keeping is not the only thing that makes a provider a professional, it is also maintaining a welcoming, immaculate incall, consistently creating new and exciting experiences, and being present and timely with administrative tasks (Thank you Rose!).

I’ve begun work on a book I hope will bring income to me, amusement to you, and a better picture of the industry to the world. A mix of autobiographical musings, profiles of major colleagues, and most of all stories of my interactions with my beloved clients, I hope to show the world that, while some guys are just dicks, the vast majority of people seeking erotic services are greater than the current narrative tells us they are. I had hoped to have more work done on it by the end of this year but it’s been a bigger year than I anticipated.

Partly because I took my first trip overseas! It was fabulous. I’ll never forget the sights and sounds and flavors and people. In fact, I’m already planning my next one! It has permanently shifted my perspective just a bit; you will all be the recipients of my healthier lifestyle and broader worldview in the coming months if you haven’t already 🙂

Here at the end of 2016 I’m working toward concrete goals and it’s all thanks to you, my clients and my colleagues, who have supported me, given me valuable advice and feedback, had hours and hours of hilarious, serious, sensual, beautiful, fulfilling, healing, amusing, intoxicating interactions, and ultimately helped me become a more interesting, more valuable person than I was at the beginning of the year.

I hope your holidays have been merry and your 2017 kicks ass!

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Getting Fresh

I’m sitting here on the couch watching Joanne Wier gets fresh. Its a cooking show on public television where this mid thirties woman ‘teaches’ her students how to cook. It’s a fun twist on the traditional cooking show and it means she gets to have these nice young people from different backgrounds come share her craft and take away a few truisms regarding flavor and cooking methods.

This episode she’s adding prosciutto di parma to a salad. Prosciutto di parma, if you don’t already know, is a type of cured ham that I think of as rich man’s bacon. It’s rich, its salty, it’s got nutty, earthy flavors, and you don’t need much of it to make a powerful statement. It’s made in Italy and shipped to your local Whole Foods so you can try it yourself. It goes well on pizza, crisped in the oven and crumbled over salad, or as a component of your charcuterie before or in between courses.

I once tweeted at Joanne Wier that the whole time I’m watching her show all I can imagine is her banging her students. She makes comments that you only think are dirty if you‘re already a little naughty minded. So I see them all the time. “Feel it on your tongue” and “I definitely got some seed” popped up recently. There’s this one student who has been on her show multiple times. He’s a brazillian ballet dancer and he positively oozes sex appeal. My partner and I are in full agreement: they’re totes banging. The best part though? Her social media manager tweeted back! Haha. Either it’s a slow day for her Twitter feed or they know exactly what they’re doing when they giver her shows suggestive titles. In an episode called “Citrus three ways” she says “Get ready to pucker up and get fresh.” I mean, c’mon..

The fun thing about food, though, is that it really is a sensual experience. Watching an episode of America’s Test Kitchen really is like watching porn, except instead of my pussy getting wet and desirous it’s my mouth. You may remember my short suggestive essay on succulent pulled pork shoulder. The descriptions and feelings of pleasure are very similar between good food and good sexual experiences. Temperature differences, slick moisture, earthy, salty scents and flavors, the visual aspect of a well presented plate…. All run parallel to stimulus we feel in our sensual encounters.

A friend of mine has a stipulation that any restaurant you take her to should be at least three stars on yelp. It sounds kinda elitist at first but what she’s telling you with this is that food, like sex, is important to her and she doesn’t want to waste her time or yours on it if it’s done poorly. She limits her volume to intensify the pleasure and I can certainly agree with her on valuing great sensory experiences.

I’ve noticed my tastes changing as I learn more about good food and as I age. I notice nuances in truly subtly delicious food. I need and want less of it when it’s more satisfying. I desire salt and umami more than sugar. I’ve even kinda lost my taste for straight chocolate. I like it with salt or ginger or sour fruits or in delicious buttery brown cookies but by itself, even a dark, bitter bar, it’s overwhelming. Same thing with pizza and pasta and even salads: If it doesn’t have good flavor and texture, it’s hard to enjoy it

I remember the best steak I’ve ever had. We were at the Metropolitan Grill, Bananas Foster at the table next to us, a mouthwatering, perfect, rich steak on my plate (or what’s left of it), and my eyes rolling with pleasure at every bite. It’s definitely number one on my list of greatest steaks, with numbers 2-5 going to home made, seared and baked ribeyes. Aside: Take me to the metropolitan grill and get that social time for free! After Valentine’s Day. Until then I’m vegetarian. Sigh.

I’m planning on being vegetarian for six weeks starting in January. As some of you have noticed, I’ve lost some weight. I feel fucking hot as hell but there are those few pounds left to shed. In the aftermath of the holidays and their emphasis on food and drink, a simple cleanse sounds like just the ticket. I’m not looking forward to it but I am looking forward to bikini weather and this year, for the first time, I’ll be really ready.

And yes, I’ll post pictures 😉

I want to wish you a very happy Holiday Season. Thank you, again, for your warm support over the last few years.

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Too much?

I’m writing an erotica story loosely based off a ‘could have been’ from back in college. My problem with erotica is that I never believe the circumstances leading up to the naughty bits. I might have overcompensated. Here’s an excerpt. What do you think?
The squeaky wheels of a loaded cart warned the girls of an incoming arrival. As if summoned by their naughty chatter, the subject of their interest entered the laboratory following a load of equipment destined for cleaning. While Matt wasn’t especially tall, he was well muscled, the slope of his shoulders visible even through the stained and acid-scarred lab coat. His thick dark hair was in that middle ground between wavy and curly and strong eyebrows framed striking green eyes.

“Good evening, ladies. I won’t be in your way for long.”

“You’re not in the way, don’t worry” Jenny said as she caught Rachel’s eye, winked, and grinned. “Actually, we were just talking about you.”

Rachel nudged her lab partner and gave her a warning glance but the only reply to her warning was mischief.

“Oh?” Matt flushed and busied himself with the autoclave.

“We were just wondering what it might be like to vacation down in Mexico around this time of year. I saw some beach photos on someone’s Facebook page. Looked fun.”

Matt’s blush deepened. He hadn’t realized someone had published the shots of him, bare-chested and grinning in the bright beachside sun, arms around a pair of pretty, richly toned girls. He was pretty sure there weren’t photos of some of his wilder activities while out of the country but these days you never know what’s on the Internet.

“Yeah. It was very… relaxing.”

The conversation lulled and for a moment the only sounds were the click of Petri dishes and the hiss of steam sterilizing equipment in the autoclave.

Jingling keys from down the hall announced the night security guard as he made his rounds, checking rooms and locking doors. “Hey guys, I’m locking up for the night. Are you about done here?” The security guard poked his head in the lab and recognized the occupants. “Oh, Matt, good. You have a key, right?”

“I do for the front door but not this lab.”

“I’ll just lock it and you guys can close it behind you? I’ll lock the front door on my way out so you don’t have to worry about anyone else; you’re the last ones in the building.”

“Sounds good, Steve. Thanks.”

Jenny nudged Rachel. In 10 minutes they would be the only ones in the entire building, sure of their privacy should they need it. As Matt continued his work, the girls had a silent conversation of meaningful looks and nudges. The seed had been planted by some Facebook friend, watered by the security guard’s trust and their isolation, and it was for them to successfully harvest the results.

“I like the idea of vacationing in a warm place. I never really did like wearing clothes but I’d be too cold to run around here in a bikini.” Jenny was obviously talking to Rachel as if Matt couldn’t hear but just as obviously loud enough that he could.

“Plus there’s the bonus of being in a place where you can do anything without worrying about what people think. If we ran around naked here we’d have to deal with what other people think” Rachel added. Though less forward with boys than Jenny was, the idea of snaring both her best friend and this handsome young man was too tempting to pass up. Her imagination was firing, her pussy starting to notice.

Jenny loved the chase as much as the catch and having her best friend as both wing woman and participant energized and emboldened her. “No kidding. How about you, Matt? Did you get to go a little wild when you didn’t have to worry about the cold or other people’s opinions?”

Matt had been on his toes since Jenny’s greeting. He was conservative in who and how he pursued but he knew enough of women’s flirting to pick up on the cues they were giving him. To say that he had never imagined what the two of them might get up to in the dorms late at night would be both unreasonable and untrue but his status as their teacher and his professional ethics prevented him from pursuing those daydreams. His moral compass was enough to keep him from pursuing but he wasn’t beyond being chased. “I did meet a few really wonderful people who I think shared your opinion on clothing. It was a nice change from the snowpants and parkas I see around here.”

“Oh I know. I’m looking forward to spring when we can see you in that t-shirt again.” Jenny had teased him about a t-shirt he had leftover from his high school days that still fit, but didn’t hide much. He had worn it under his lab coat during class once and after, she got a good look.

“What were you, the Tigers?” Inquired Rachel. “What a sleek mascot. Do you still think of yourself as a tiger?”

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December Sunset at the Market

I was walking past the Market yesterday on my way to meet with Raquel and talk party planning when I stopped for a moment. The sun was low but the day was yet young and so the streets were busy. It was icy cold so everyone I saw was bundled up in their thick scarves and warm jackets, moving quickly but easily in clusters to and fro. Above their heads the sky was bright orange and Alkai stood in sharp releif. The water taxi busily plowed its way across the sound, sparing commuters from the infernal West Seattle Bridge. The water shimmered, reflecting the clear winter sun and I stopped for a long moment to appreciate it.

I did this in Paris, too, lying down at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, waiting for its majesty to fade and my sense of awe to subside. It took a full twenty minutes of looking up before it began to feel normal. I was only about a hundred yards from one foot, lying down looking up the length. That’s a good angle for photos of tall women, too, exaggerating the length of their thighs and catching that tantalizing under-boob.

At first I watched the elevator rising and falling, taking folks past the innumerable stairs to the tippy top. Someday: Je marche les escaliers de Tour de Eiffel. But not that day. When the movement got old I contemplated the perspective: its feet curve outward as they approach the ground, exaggerating its height by playing tricks with your eyes. My eye followed the long, elegant curve over and over, drawn irresistibly to where it disappeared into the sky. I’d seen images before and there were far better ones on the post cards than anything I captured, but sometimes you don’t really recognize things for what they are until you’re right up close.

Paris doesn’t have a lot of tall buildings but its uneven topography, at least from my approach, meant it snuck up on me a bit. It didn’t really begin to impress me until I was just on the other side of the river. Even then, it doesn’t quite awe. Not yet. Not until I stand right in front of it, nearly between its toes, do I feel tiny. Minuscule. Admiring the achievements of greater folk than I in a harder time than today.

Standing in the Market yesterday, watching the sun set over a bright crowd, I felt that sense again. The sense of walking a road paved by many others before me, who worked harder than I have, creating something lasting and beautiful.

I have a countdown timer set to the solstice so I know exactly how long the days continue to shrink. In my mind I repeat ‘only three month before spring’ as a mantra, shielding me from the cold along with my black wool and double layer of socks. I hate the cold, but standing there, taking a moment out of my day to appreciate and enjoy the natural and curated beauty of this city, I didn’t mind it so much. I snapped a photo on my pocket computer/camera/notebook and walked on to a warm meal prepared by creative experts to talk seriously about throwing a party. I love this city. I hope I don’t get priced out and have to move.

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When You’re Expecting

We all have expectations, and we should, because otherwise why would we do anything ever? The problem is, many people have unrealistically high expectations and are disappointed when the experience falls short. So, here are two lists, one for clients and one for providers, of reasonable, realistic expectations.

As a client, you should expect your provider to:
-Be on time
-Resemble her photos (some use fake photos for privacy. That’s ok, they just need to accurately represent her.)
-Provide services as advertised*
-Provide a clean location if she offers incall
-Not up-sell unless for off-menu services
-Keep the session moving so you complete desired/available activities within the time allotted

Everything else is variable, but it is not unusual for your provider to:
-Be attractive
-Be enthusiastic
-Provide more than minimum services
-Agree to special requests when possible
-Have amenities on hand such as oral hygiene products and a variety of condoms
-Accommodate those with varying levels of ability or health

And while it’s nice when it happens, you should never expect your provider to:
-Let the session run overtime
-Offer social time off the clock
-Provide off-menu services**
-Accommodate special requests with short notice
-Be available same-day/immediately
-Engage in lengthy conversations outside of session time
-Put up with pushy or whiny behavior

As a provider, you should expect your client to:
-Be on time or, if late, still pay the full amount
-Pay the full amount without talking about it
-Leave on time
-Shower if asked
-Not pressure you for extra services

It’s not unusual for your client to:
-Be a few minutes early if time allows
-Be appreciative of your time and services
-Put the money down discretely before the session
-Initiate a trip to the restroom to freshen up/shower
-Want to pleasure you

And while it’s nice when it happens, you should never expect your client to:
-Watch the clock for you
-Leave early
-Be in perfect health
-Take you out for paid social time or shopping trips
-Tip
-Be perfectly clean all over***
-Be good at pleasuring you

Now that we’ve set our expectations in a realistic place, we can move forward. When things we reasonably expect to happen don’t happen, we have options, the least productive of which is to be angry. We can simply not see that provider or client again, we can write a review or an alert detailing the issue factually without emotion, or we can waste our emotional resources on an already unsatisfying experience. I know what I would do.

Obviously I didn’t include things like ‘you should expect your client to not rape or kill you’ and ‘you should expect your provider to not arrest or rob you’ but those seemed a bit obvious and, except for rare occasions, should not be necessary to enumerate.

So next time you find yourself walking away from a session disappointed, check your expectations before you get angry. If you feel entitled to extra time or services because you’ve been seeing a lady for ages, check your expectations.

…I say to the choir. If you’re reading this, you’re probably one of my darlings who exceeds my expectations regularly. These unrealistic expectations are a phenomenon I often see on forums and boards but rarely see in person. I hope, if you read this and I resonates with you, that you are able to understand both sides of this unusually intimate dynamic and it helps you empathize with your provider or your client when they ask for or begin to expect more than is realistic.

*This is a tricky one since we can’t explicitly advertise specific services but for massage/FBSM/erotic bodywork/body rub/etc you can reasonably expect to be touched all over, Have her attempt to give you at least one orgasm, and have shower facilities available. Skill level, mutual touch, kissing, cuddling, enthusiasm, energy level, and more are variable and require research into reviews and advertising analysis. For full service, you can reasonably expect to receive oral sex (most ladies will indicate whether they provide oral sex with or without a condom), cuddle, and experience penetrative sex. Most ladies will allow you to give them oral and will kiss you; if they do not they will usually indicate that or it will show up in her reviews. Even then, if you have Erectile dysfunction or other issues you may not be able to engage in penetrative sex. This is not your provider’s fault.

**Off menu services are exactly that: off menu. While some providers will provide them for an additional fee, many will not offer them at all. A client is welcome to ask, a single time, for off menu services and be satisfied with the answer. Asking again after being told ‘no’ is not cool. Asking multiple times, pressuring, guilting, or attempting are all grounds to end a session early and potentially blacklist the client.

***Faces, fingernails, and butts are the bare minimum. Use wet wipes instead of TP if you’re not planning on a shower. Wash your hands and rinse your mouth with mouthwash at the start and end of the session. File, don’t cut, your fingernails And scrub underneath them. Nobody likes bacterial vaginitis. If you can’t avoid stubble or have a particularly bristly beard, go easy on her skin, particularly if you’re giving her oral as that’s a very delicate, sensitive area and stubble can steal orgasms. Shaving mere hours before is not a guarantee you won’t have stubble. If she offers oral sex without a condom, rinse your penis with water (under your foreskin if you have one) and wash your balls with shampoo or soap. All the way to your anus. When in doubt, ask. Take chlorophyll tablets regularly.

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Giving Thanks

I’m at home right now, though it’s a new home. My parents just moved for the third time in ten years. My childhood home is housing someone else’s dreams now. I went back to look at it once. I wished I had the courage to knock on the door and look at the changes they’ve made. I wonder if they’ve replaced the linoleum in the kitchen and found my name scrawled in large wobbly letters on the bare floor.

I’ve not yet seen the new house, they bought it while I was in the UK and I’ve been too busy lately for any more prolonged trips. Apparently there’s a wood fired sauna so I’ll have to bring my bathing suit. Normally you do a sauna nude but I’m definitely not going to do that around my parents. That would be weird.

I’ve scheduled this post to publish after dinner, when we’re all sitting around the TV feeling like the turkey, picking a show to watch and wearing pants with elastic waistbands. We’ll probably wake up late tomorrow and have pancakes for breakfast. Leftovers for dinner. More TV watching. I’ll go for a walk with my mom and we’ll try to avoid talking politics with my raging right wing uncle. Three days sounds like a very long time to avoid talking politics with my raging right wing uncle. Sigh.

It’ll be good, though, to see and show love to my family. My parents are very close to my heart, though I think they might not feel that way. I think because I don’t call home often that they think I don’t think of them often.

And yet It will be good to return to my little studio apartment, write more, read more, meet my beloved clients, live in the reassuringly homogenous pocket of ladies I adore. Soon is coming the season of quiet indoor socializing, hot tea and hot toddy’s, exquisite hours of warm comfort wrapped in fuzzy robes and relaxing.

But today I’d like to give thanks. Not to some entity in the sky but to the real, present gentlemen who have supported and encouraged me these last few years and the ladies who have built me up and shown me strength. Thanks for a community of sisters instead of a sea of rivals. Thanks for financial and social security instead of fear and apprehension. Thanks for the pride I can take in my work, my space, and myself.

Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are well and well loved.