Temple of Woman

I have converted and will now preach the good news to the masses.

I’ve begun attending regular exercise classes. I’m going to be a bit circumspect on which ones exactly because it’s a small world around here and the classes I’m taking are pretty popular but without getting too detailed, this is what I can tell you:

I feel amazing and I’m looking better every day. My ideal body type in women is closer to Sofina than myself: wider hips, narrow waist, generous bosom; the fertile, supple body of a lush woman. Unfortunately my skeleton is the wrong shape to achieve that myself. Sigh. I don’t mind the uber skinny hard body look sported by Cloe May or Betty James but it’s neither within the grasp of my cheese-and-wine-loving self nor is it as high on my personal preference as the softball bod.

If you’ve ever seen softball players as a group you’ll know what I’m talking about. They’re muscular but not skinny so what you see is the soft swell of muscle bellies on the thigh, the back, the chest and arms, but none of them bulky or sharp-edged. They don’t *look* like they could beat you up, but they probably could. This look is within my dairy-on-carbs-fueled reach.

The classes I’m taking focus heavily on strength and mobility over bulk or weight loss. I’ve been in advanced classes with beer guts, pregnant women, and a whole line of little old ladies and chunky moms. There is no judgement, no shame, only progress and boy howdy have I made some.

I was skeptical at first. I bought a package of classes with an expiration date; externally enforced deadlines are great motivators for me. Within a month of going two or three times a week, my quads jumped out and surprised me. I was just goofing off one day and happened to look at my thigh while extending my leg and there was a muscle!!! Since then it’s gotten only more defined and made some friends. My obliques are sore now and again and I’ve gone from a handspan above the floor on my front bend to very nearly flat hands. You won’t believe how far apart I can get my knees until you see it. And I can hold them there a surprisingly long time.

With the convenience of the gym’s location and the extremely advantageous cost to return ratio, there’s no end in sight. I’m able to eat more while losing inches (though not pounds which is acool phenomenon), I can feel my skeleton shifting back into alignment, I feel stronger, and I’m starting to develop those two muscles on either side of my spine that make a woman look so sinuous and sensuous when viewed from behind and a little below.

I’m rocking my super light, short haircut and I’ve been gradually deepening my summer glow. By the end of June I’m going to practically sparkle in the sunshine, between my hair and skin reacting to the rays.

My one and only complaint is that my ribcage isn’t tapered towards the bottom so while my core is getting firmer, the soft feminine belly is getting more prominent. It’s not growing and it certainly fits my frame, it’s just not exactly the shape I want. Sigh. I suppose I’ll just have to build up my ass that much more to compensate. And don’t worry – with the amount of cheese and crackers I eat I won’t lose that perky bosom you seem so fond of.

If you’re curious to try out an effective and mentally stimulating exercise regimen and don’t mind exercising in groups, you’re welcome to ask logistical questions in person. It’s not that I don’t want to share the good news, but there’s a difference between you surprising me in class and smiling to yourself and a stranger standing out front of the classroom trying to figure out which one is me.

Who knows: maybe I’ll get so into it I’ll become an instructor and you can hire me to be your private teacher…




p.s. Yes, I know it’s late. I was in Bridge City Thursday and forgot to take my computer. I’ve backdated this post because I had it ready to go but If you were looking for it and missed it, I’m sorry.