Happy New Year

Welcome to the great wide world of twenty fourteen. Recap:

After two months of research, I dove headfirst into the world of hobbying and loved it. I met the most delicious and intelligent men, was treated to delightful places and experiences, and found myself giving pleasure and joy to the gentlemen of Seattle. I have also met a few of the ladies of the area and found them beautiful, intelligent, strong women with drive and culture that it has been my deep pleasure to get to know. My personal life has been a whirlwind of friendships made and lost. My closest friends have all been aware of my nontraditional hobby and discussion between an active provider and laypeople has been lively. Some people are amazed, some disdainful, some cautiously intersted, some indifferent, and some enthusiastic. There was even a short time when a rumor flew around my work place that I was *gasp* an escort! But no, that’s impossible, a girl like that: so nice, not into drugs and so happy couldn’t possibly be something like that! With the help of friends we explained it away as my activities as a stripper getting blown out of proportion but at the same time I found it interesting that my best defense against this ‘rumor’ was that I didn’t fit the stereotype. I don’to fit the stripper stereotype, either, but that’s somehow not really scandalous around here. I found the whole situation almost laughable. I know it’s not the majority perspective, but safe and healthy sex in a professional setting is not something to be ashamed of or horrified by and while I can laugh it off, most people cannot.

My personal relationship with my partner has been an interesting one as well as we work through expectations. Of course I’ve finally given in to the appeal of the older man and over the course of the year have deceloped a deep relationship with one of my closest friends. My friend, confidant, lover, and on point man have rolled into one. Developing a compromise between my work and our relationship has been a journey. I remember sitting on the floor after a delightful drunken evening talking so passionately about this work that I began to cry. It felt so right, so simple and easy to make people just feel better. To be able to make someone feel like the only man in the room, the center of my world, if just for a moment. Over the course of the year I’ve become more sure of myself, more comfortable with boundaries. The community I found is so incredibly supportive which I’m sure is ironic considering the reputation sex work carries. I am, however, not surprised by it. The men I choose to pleasure are men who enjoy both mental and physical pleasure. Those I wish to see regularly offer a relationship that is reciprocal in many ways, not just one. Enjoying that lifestyle and emotional intimacy while at the same time maintaining a strong relationship with a life partner who is unused to a sexually open lifestyle is a journey. We call on each other for support and for balance. His methodical caution has tempered my impulsiveness while my care free attitude has drawn out a willingness to compromise and modulate emotional responses. Tanuki had some good things to say as did Sarah Nicole when I asked about open and polyamorous relationships: open and honest communication between all involved and willingness to compromise is critical. Over the last year I have had ample opportunity to practice both.

What have I learned from all this? I have learned to have a mind and heart open to people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities. The young and stupid part of me that put so much value on superficial aspects is gone and good riddance. Do I like to look at nice looking people? Yes, but that is no longer a factor in my sexual choices. I have learned to make and enforce boundaries both with my body and with my time. I remember an occasion, several years past, when I was sad and alone, angry and vulnerable, and I did things I regret. I gave him head, nothing I regret in principle, but the circumstances and the person involved made all the difference. It’s actually a kind of funny story, but the circumstances surrounding it are more awkward and sad than anything.Nothing like that will ever happen again because I know better now. Dozens of people and events reinforce my self awareness and my surety. It has long been a motto of mine that I should never regret anything later that I did not regret while I was doing it. (My other motto is: only interact with penises attached to awesome people. I’d say I have about ninety five percent success rate on that one.) This time there was an overtone of regret; I liked neither what I was doing nor why I was doing it. I have never felt that way in my professional activities nor in my current partnership and I feel like that is something remarkable about 2013.

In academia I completed the necessary work to obtain my real estate license and so the with new year comes a new chapter in my professional life I am both eager and nervous to explore. What this means for my hobby activities is that my schedule will shift and may be unpredictable. I will keep my calendar up to date as best I can, of course, but you’ll have to forgive me if it is occasionally incorrect. It also means I may not be able to offer public social time in the future but that decision is pending.

Cheers! To a new year with new friends and new challenges!