Friendship is Magic

Our friends bring things into our lives that we would not have found otherwise. Sometimes it’s a new tv show. It could be a love of cooking (and of course sharing – yummy). Sometimes it’s support when you’re in a bind emotionally or otherwise. I find that my closest and most enduring friends are those that I’ve come to make use of. That wording makes it sound callous, but my opinions on interpersonal relationships are for another post altogether. When I say I make use of my close friends, I mean that what they contribute to my life in the form of emotional support, reason, humor, and sometimes straight up favors. My closest friends have a combination of all those things. As I write, a flurry of images run through my head like those digital albums that imitate a rolodex. They are of faces and events that I cannot forget. They are stuck in my mind with a glue made of emotions. The summer sun shines down on us on the Fourth of July as we collaborate to spell words using letters written on the soles of our feet, make human wickets for human croquet balls, and snarf (it’s totally a word, I swear. It’s like scarfing, but cuter) fresh roasted corn on the cob dunked in a pitcher of hot butter. Moonlight illuminates the pebbles on a walk to the bay where some of those pebbles are used to light up the ocean’s tiny blue stars; little reflections of the sky. I can feel the sweat and hot hair under my thighs of the horse as she finally settles into that slow, graceful gait and we ride circles, testing ourselves against each other and against our mounts. I can hear and see embarrassing, tearful, overlong voice-mails and angry conversations that support and test me, leading ultimately to shedding my carapace again in another step in the metamorphosis. I know some people can find pleasure and meaning in solo activities, but I do not. I crave companionship and if I don’t have it, I pass the time as quickly and with as little investment as possible. Ironically, I find it difficult to reach out and initiate social interaction. I made a mistake. It turned out ok in the end, like it always does, but it could have put me and my reputation at risk had any number of things gone wrong. My impulsiveness and thoughtlessness could have cost me a critical supporter in my personal life, were he not such an enormous soul, capable of taking in hurt and anger, containing it, and turning it into constructive criticism and healthy support. I’ve made many mistakes. Over the next few weeks or even days, I will be setting aside time and energy to imagine all of the situations that I might be in, and as many of the mistakes as I can think of. Once I’ve exhausted my own mind I plan on picking the brains of friends inside and out of the industry. The result, if I do it right, will be a set of policies that protect my time and personal safety, my reputation as a safe, respected, understanding, interesting provider, and the safety of your person and personal information. They will be published, and I will encourage each person to read at least those pertaining to our proposed adventures. I intend to plan for the worst and hope for the best when it comes to our connections. Most of what I’ll be preparing for will not ever happen and even more of it won’t happen between you and I, so the majority of these policies will not matter. I will still be firm, because, as it has been so wisely said “there is no one and no amount of money that is worth putting yourself at risk.” I respect your wishes for privacy, intimacy, seduction, enlightenment, safety, understanding, and a hint of lust, I only ask the same of you.