Beginnings begin with the end

One of my beloved regulars broke up with me yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve been getting together regularly for laughter conversation, wine, and some saucy fun for a year or more and yesterday over coffee, just a quick social hello, he broke up with me. He told me he simply didn’t have the energy to see me and maintain the new relationship he’s found himself in. My grin nearly cracked my face. I may never see this clever, endearing gent ever again. I couldn’t be more pleased.

Much like a counselor watching her client develop self awareness and healthy coping mechanisms or a nurse daily observing here patient’s return to health, watching my loves find someone else to fill their time, bring them joy, and make love to brings me peace.

That’s not to say that our interactions are the interactions of an unhealthy individual, far from it. I only mean to say that for some, this is a pit stop, a surrogacy, a chance to learn without shame how to move easily and comfortably in your own skin and to explore how far it will take you. For some, it’s an amusing and convenient diversion, for others a way to patch the leak in the marriage boat and keep it afloat for years to come, for still others it’s a way of life. For those who stop at my door on the way to something else, goodbyes are sweet. I will always hold space for them in my heart and my memory and someday I will wonder how they’re doing but I’ll never know. I’ll imagine some fuzzy sunlit future and hope it’s the truth and remember our cozy past and be well.

Best of luck, and always, love.